Teacher concerned about DS’s size- how to handle?
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Anonymous
| DS is Asian, age 9, 7th percentile for height and weight. I just took him for his annual physical in December and his doctor mentioned his small percentile but said he was developing normally and that this size was normal for him given his parents’ sizes. We are both Japanese-American and short and thin. DS is in a private school with mostly white American students and is the smallest in his class. His teacher makes a big deal out of his size, pointing out how small he is to the class, expressing concern that we don’t know how to provide good nutrition. Is this racism? How should I handle this teacher’s concern? I’ve tried pointing out what the doctor says but that is not alleviating her concerns. His school is in person most of the time right now. Should I bring it up with an administrator if she continues? |
Anonymous
| I'd start by sending a firmly worded email that you've noticed that she keeps bringing up your child's size. You have explained that his ped says he is healthy (I have one of those kids too). The fact that she is continuing to make comments is inappropriate and needs to stop. If she continues, take it to the principal and the email will demonstrate that you did address the problem with her. |
Anonymous
+1, I'd also point out that making comments about appearance *in front* of the child is inappropriate. |
Anonymous
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Yes, this is ABSOLUTELY racism. Tell her via email, icing the principal, that your son has recently been to the pediatrician and they have no concerns about his size and you will look forward to her IMMEDIATELY ceasing to make comments to him, and/or to the class about his size, height, weight, nutrition or food. Thank you in advance.
And then if it doesn't stop you need to demand an in person meeting with the teacher and the principal, and bring a lawyer. Love, A white parent |
Anonymous
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Maybe racism. Maybe not...just a clueless, “concerned” teacher. We are white, and our older DD has been around 5th percentile for weight and 15th for height since she was a year old. We’ve gotten quite a few comments, including a teacher at her old school who also questioned whether or not we were feeding her. I addressed the “concerns” each time, emphasizing that her pediatrician had no worries and that she was on her curve, even if that curve was on the low end.
Definitely address it with the teacher, or school admin if you feel necessary. I know I got really sick of all the questioning and comments I received, and I’m sure you feel the same. |
Anonymous
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Woah. I have a son in the 5th percentile who is the smallest in his class (except for a classmate who is an actual little person) and kids pick him up and stuff because he is so small, and the teacher never ever says anything about it. He’s white.
How inappropriate for a teacher to comment on a student’s body! Yes likely racism but even if not it’s not okay. |
Anonymous
How would you feel if your daughter’s teacher commented on this to the entire class?? This is absolutely out of order, OP. I would be fuming. This is body shaming of a child! Can you imagine how a parent would feel if his/her child was overweight and the teacher told the class that the kid must eat too much junk food? |
Anonymous
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1. It's racist and it's bullying, two things that are not acceptable in this day and age. 2. Corroborate with the teacher. Stay neutral. Ask for confirmation that she did indeed say these things. 3. Look around for witnesses. Can other people confirm this happened? It will strengthen your case. 4. Send a letter of complaint to the head of school, and if this is a larger school system, to the hierarchical superior of the head of school. Send it to more than one person just in case they decide to protect their own. The risk of shelving the complaint is reduced when it's sent to many people. 5. In the complaint, you need to be very factual and precise: give dates and describe the teacher's words as best as your child or someone else can recall them. Add the teacher's confirmation or witness descriptions if you have them. 6. Request that your teacher apologize to your child, and that the school arrange for a counselor or someone else to talk to the class about how pointing out other people's appearance and making them a potential object of derision is bullying, and not allowed. 7. If your child wants to, request that he be transferred to another class. My son was in the 1.7th percentile for a while. Now he's at the second or third percentile, at 15 years old. He too has mixed Asian and European ancestry. I will say that in our European country, which has less enlightened professors, it wouldn't surprise me to hear a teacher say something like that. Not in a mean way, but without realizing that pointing out such things can lead to teasing among the children later, and that it makes that child feel singled out unfairly, since there are characteristics beyond anyone's control. If I complained in that country, I might not get very far. But here in this country? I would raise hell. Teachers here know better than to do this. |
Anonymous
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If you really want to strike hard, you need to file a bullying report. They are obligated to act on it. |
Anonymous
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^ at least, in our public school system. If this is a private school, who knows.
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Anonymous
PP. furious, of course. And, yes, comments have been made directly to her. I’m petite myself, was picked on for my stature most of my childhood, so it is a sore spot for me. There’s no call for it. And you are absolutely right, it is just as wrong as commenting on the size of an overweight child. |
Anonymous
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It’s possibly ignorance more than it is racism. I wonder if part of the issue is that the teacher, as a mandated reporter for child abuse and neglect, lacks training. In your place, I would meet with the teacher — because it is completely inappropriate for her to be discussing issues like this in front of the class or even with your child. I would, again, tell her that your pediatrician has no concerns, and I would discuss it with the principal / administrator if she brings up the issue again.
There may be something else going on, though, since this does seem off. I’m wondering why the teacher didn’t speak with the school nurse re: her concerns? The nurse could have registered the teacher’s concern, and reassured the teacher that s/he would address any medical concerns — if there were any that needed to be addressed. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
A lawyer for what?? |
Anonymous
| How on earth is this racism? It’s ignorant, sure, but nothing here says racist: |