Teacher concerned about DS’s size- how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man op I’m so sorry - it is absolutely both inappropriate and racism (your update that she called him exotic confirms she is committing many micro aggressions against him). Either way it is absolutely incredibly inappropriate to be commenting on a child’s body!! Full stop. Unacceptable. I would include the “exotic” comment when you report this as it demonstrates a pattern of him being called out as “different” from his classmates. Some have posted it might be ignorance or unintentional, yes it probably is - but the impact is the same. And the teacher needs to be held accountable and taught how to be respectful of all of her students.

Yes this. Doesn’t matter if it is due to ignorance. The impact is what matters. This needs to be addressed ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how it’s racist. I was tiny and got comments like this from well-meaning adults and I’m not Asian. But this teacher is over the line embarrassing him in front of his peers. I would email her and ask her to stop commenting on his body and appearance and cc the Principal. You don’t need to hire a lawyer!

[Anonymous]

Private school full of white people? Yeah, I know what you are talking about. You need to nip it in the bud, but your kid is going to get it from the other kids too as they get older.

[Anonymous]

We are Indian and happened to have a ped who was also Indian. She told us most of her patients with similar racial background end up being in the lower percentile because most of the data comes from kids who have parents much taller and bigger than us. Height is mostly genetic so blaming it only on nutrition is ignorant and insulting to the parents. Our kid never liked to be called small/ short etc because everyone though it was necessary for them to point it out as if we weren’t aware of it. And saying such things are really damaging to the kids. Would you point out any other physical characteristics in a kid in front of the whole class and then blame their parents for it?

If I were you, I’d send a strong worded email. She is ignorant and insensitive at best if not racist. But you should point out how it does have a racial component that your child will have to live through, so her statements are deeply offending. And as parents you are disappointed that she continues to think that you aren’t feeding your child. What is she thinking? You spend all your money on the private school fees and have nothing left for food?!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't even wait i would send an email to the principal, immediately. That teacher is totally out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s possibly ignorance more than it is racism. I wonder if part of the issue is that the teacher, as a mandated reporter for child abuse and neglect, lacks training. In your place, I would meet with the teacher — because it is completely inappropriate for her to be discussing issues like this in front of the class or even with your child. I would, again, tell her that your pediatrician has no concerns, and I would discuss it with the principal / administrator if she brings up the issue again.

There may be something else going on, though, since this does seem off. I’m wondering why the teacher didn’t speak with the school nurse re: her concerns?
The nurse could have registered the teacher’s concern, and reassured the teacher that s/he would address any medical concerns — if there were any that needed to be addressed.

This was my thought, too. Socially inept, but needs to cya in terms of making sure dc is being fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s possibly ignorance more than it is racism. I wonder if part of the issue is that the teacher, as a mandated reporter for child abuse and neglect, lacks training. In your place, I would meet with the teacher — because it is completely inappropriate for her to be discussing issues like this in front of the class or even with your child. I would, again, tell her that your pediatrician has no concerns, and I would discuss it with the principal / administrator if she brings up the issue again.

There may be something else going on, though, since this does seem off. I’m wondering why the teacher didn’t speak with the school nurse re: her concerns?
The nurse could have registered the teacher’s concern, and reassured the teacher that s/he would address any medical concerns — if there were any that needed to be addressed.

This was my thought, too. Socially inept, but needs to cya in terms of making sure dc is being fed.

OP writes that pediatrician has given a positive health screening from a pediatrician so this is just an excuse for practicing racism in private schools.

[Anonymous]

Mandatory reporting refers to reporting to CPS and to an administrator, not what this story is, which is public shaming. I’m a middle school teacher and I don’t believe that any adult is ignorant enough not to realize this. If I did something like this, I would expect to be censured and possibly fired. This conduct is not permitted at my school. If you are teaching private and feel that your school isn’t showing you the mandatory reporting video, look at your local CPS website. The videos are all linked there.

[Anonymous]

It’s not racism, it’s just stupidity. Address it with the head of the school.

[Anonymous]

It is racism, plain and simple. My daughter is the only Black student in her class. She is a head and a half taller and generally just bigger than every other child in her class of white children. A few years ago when she was in K her teacher at the time made remarks about her size to her repeatedly and scolded her about being intimidating to others and kept on about her about her needing to not take up so much space, etc. I confronted the teacher directly about it and then also spoke with the principal. It stopped that day. What you won't do is give my child a complex about something she has no control over.

[Anonymous]

I would email the teacher directly and the administrator directly about the problem. Separate emails. Then see how they respond.

It is in how they respond. All privates have a few teachers like this and they do require management by admin. If they try to manage the situation and the teacher’s conduct improves, then I would be satisfied with that. Any response that is less effective and I would seriously consider moving to a new school. Bullying/racism is a huge problem in schools both public and private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd start by sending a firmly worded email that you've noticed that she keeps bringing up your child's size. You have explained that his ped says he is healthy (I have one of those kids too). The fact that she is continuing to make comments is inappropriate and needs to stop. If she continues, take it to the principal and the email will demonstrate that you did address the problem with her.

+1, I'd also point out that making comments about appearance *in front* of the child is inappropriate.

And telling the class that his parents might not know how to appropriately feed him is beyond inappropriate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is ABSOLUTELY racism. Tell her via email, icing the principal, that your son has recently been to the pediatrician and they have no concerns about his size and you will look forward to her IMMEDIATELY ceasing to make comments to him, and/or to the class about his size, height, weight, nutrition or food. Thank you in advance.

And then if it doesn't stop you need to demand an in person meeting with the teacher and the principal, and bring a lawyer.

Love,
A white parent

+1

A lawyer for what??

Because I’m the racism. If the school refuses to stop a teacher from saying bullying, racist things, maybe having a lawyer present with the parent would change their minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't even wait i would send an email to the principal, immediately. That teacher is totally out of line.

+1

[Anonymous]

If the school head doesn't stop this, consider leaving. Private schools are not typically friendly to non typical people. ~ tall large white girl who wished she had gone to public school