Growing up, did you family do things for friends, neighbors and the community?

[Anonymous]

Growing up, did you family do things for friends, neighbors and the community?
I'm talking about organizing or participating in meal trains for deaths/new moms, stepping in to help if a tragedy occurred with a neighbor, helping an elderly person your family knows with someone that may not be able to do, hosting showers at your home, volunteering for the school or sports team you are involved in? Being involved on boards or volunteering in the community.

And secondly, do you do this kind of thing now?

If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

No, I didn't even know what a meal train was and never saw my parents do something for another family. My mother did volunteer on occasion when I was very young with the school.

I swing way the other way and am incredibly involved but I didn't see it from my own upbringing at all.

[Anonymous]

I think a meal train might be a southern thing? I never heard of that until I was an adult. I read about a "welcome wagon" in books as a kid and wanted to do that but my parents said that wasn't done in real life. There were no tragedies with neighbors that I know of, no elderly people who didn't have younger adult family members come by to shovel for them.

My parents worked the elections every November.
My dad donated blood at our temple every year.

I think that's it. My parents were introverts and extremely private people. One time when Passover fell a couple of days before Easter my mother gave our leftover hard-boiled eggs to a Catholic acquaintance of hers, to use for an egg hunt.

I am also an introvert, but additionally, live in a really shitty neighborhood with drug-abusing neighbors so I don't really aim to get to know them. Pre-pandemic I volunteered once a week but I haven't done that since March of 2020. I don't really leave my apartment except for doctors appointments. So I'm mostly a hermit.

[Anonymous]

We do some of that now and a bit more every year but not nearly as much as others who I know. I’m trying to become comfortable about it and shake off some crazy ideas from childhood.

My mom was really weird about giving and receiving help. I’ve noticed that she will never give unless it’s to a friend or an acquaintance who she perceives as “lesser” than her. because it makes her feel powerful. She will not ever take help from anyone and considers it a needy, pathetic thing to be vulnerable or even part of a community. My mom thinks people who volunteer at their kids’ schools are chumps. I also don’t tell her about play dates (in normal times) or babysitting for friends who are in a pinch, because she considers that being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my parents gave their time and money to their community. I do the same, and am frustrated by those who don't. PTA, Swim Team, Sunday School at the extreme local level - none of it "just happens," it takes community volunteers.

[Anonymous]

My mom would volunteer at school and church ( I was in Catholic school so these were intertwined). My parents neighbors would help each other out on various projects because outsourcing wasn’t a thing. Meal trains didn’t exist. I don’t participate in them either.

[Anonymous]

My parents did not do things for friends, neighbors, and the community. No meal trains (never heard of them until I moved to DC as an adult), no welcome wagon, nothing like that. My mother was co-leader of the girl scout troup for a couple years, but really shouldn't have been.

I used to volunteer a lot before having kids. Now I just focus on my kids, especially since becoming head of household for a single-parent family.

[Anonymous]

Not my parents, aside from my father donating blood on a regular basis. My parents were “you take care of yourself, I’ll take care of myself” people. They do volunteer now, much later in life.
My grandparents did a lot of volunteer work in the community.
So I did have good examples.

[Anonymous]

Nope, never.

[Anonymous]

Very much so.

I try, but with two parents working full time w/o any extended family around like I grew up with, it’s harder.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but mostly only because it was organized by my church. Now that I attend church I don’t as much, which is a shame. I suppose I don’t because my actions don’t always line up with my intentions. I need to do it so my kids can see that kind of community help. Right now we just donate to charities (and we do involve the kids in that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but mostly only because it was organized by my church. Now that I attend church I don’t as much, which is a shame. I suppose I don’t because my actions don’t always line up with my intentions. I need to do it so my kids can see that kind of community help. Right now we just donate to charities (and we do involve the kids in that).

I meant to say now that I *dont* attend church, I don’t really do little acts of service that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but mostly only because it was organized by my church. Now that I attend church I don’t as much, which is a shame. I suppose I don’t because my actions don’t always line up with my intentions. I need to do it so my kids can see that kind of community help. Right now we just donate to charities (and we do involve the kids in that).

I will say I have no desire to volunteer in the community because when I have tried, it hasn’t worked out. I feel like that’s not my calling, and I’m okay with that. I find other ways to serve (and I will find more).

[Anonymous]

Very much so growing up. Just how things were.

Less so now.

I was more involved up until a few years ago. When my parents health declined that along with work & raising a family became all I could manage. I gradually withdrew from many things I would normally do and withdrew form others in general. Having to say over & over felt daunting.

[Anonymous]

Not while I was growing up, no. My parents were both flat out with jobs. But in later years, yes, my dad was really part of the community in a big way. He even became part of a prison reform group out of a compulsion to improve the conditions and prospects of prisoners.