Growing up, did you family do things for friends, neighbors and the community?

[Anonymous]

Growing up, yes. Now we are much more careful about who we help. Our kindness has exposed us to bad actors.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

My parents did but they also never "dumped" me on anyone. They were very self-conscious about that. They were made feel bad once for leaving me with my grandparents for a week while my parents moved from one house to another. I guess my mom's unmarried sisters complained about me (I was one feisty toddler apparently). My dad blew a gasket and never allowed any more babysitting and also prohibited my mom to offer help whenever her sisters asked for one. She still did but he was resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother would do things for family, but would explode with resentment and start lifelong feuds. I learned from that you should say "no" to things you consider too much rather than just saying "yes"to look nice.

She did not volunteer or do any of the other things, but it was not her thing. I volunteer at the school because I genuinely enjoy it. I do not organize food chains because you never know someone else's circumstances ans whether you are guilting someone into doing something they resent. Plus, I know with my own family's food allergies, if people don't ask questions meals can end up thrown out. Instead I simply offer to get from their favorite restaurant and I don't rope others in.

I don't host showers because I don't really enjoy them. I do host get-togethers during non-covid times. I think it's about doing what you enjoy and giving in a way that works for you not trying to meet some societal expectation.

Very sensible!

[Anonymous]

Yes - my parents were active in service, I am as well, and my kids are in college and even more service-oriented than the rest of us. I do believe much of it stems from our connections to our church.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We all volunteered at least once a month. My mom was the Girl Scout leader for 10 years and my dad coached every softball/soccer team even though he wasn’t athletic. Very involved in my private school.

Currently I’m just surviving over here with my little kids and baby. But I give everything to my friends. I throw showers for everyone, meal trains, and try to help my new mom friends in any way possible. I always babysit on emergencies (hospitalizations or while friends give birth). I don’t have much family other than our parents. They currently help us more than we help them, but I know in the future they’ll need help and we’ll be there. I always welcome new neighbors but recently it’s not happened. I mean who wants baked goods now?

[Anonymous]

Yes and I do the same but we're Latino.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a large extended family and we regularly did things to help with each other's kids stuff especially or inlaw parents that needed help. But generally not traditional volunteer community work as a whole. I guess they felt stretched enough already? Who knows

[Anonymous]

Where and when I grew up there was a lot of helping out especially if someone was sick. Meals, taking care of kids etc. My mother had hepatitis soon after having baby #4 and I remember all of the neighbors helping us out. She repaid the kindness many times over.

[Anonymous]

My parents did a little while we were in elementary school. My dad coached sports and my mom was a member of the PTA. I’m now very involved in the community on different levels. I live in a different area than where I grew up, and that’s just how people are around here.

[Anonymous]

Yes - see blankets for new babies, taking meals to shut-ins, clean up landscaping at church, volunteer to sort donations, all kinds of stuff.

Not really. Why? Because we don’t go to church and don’t have a close knit set of friends. I sign up for meal trains and donate to help neighbors, teachers at preschool, etc. but I never organize them. My mom was the instigator/ organizer type. She was also the room mom / PTA officer type but she worked less hours with fewer kids than I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - see blankets for new babies, taking meals to shut-ins, clean up landscaping at church, volunteer to sort donations, all kinds of stuff.

Not really. Why? Because we don’t go to church and don’t have a close knit set of friends. I sign up for meal trains and donate to help neighbors, teachers at preschool, etc. but I never organize them. My mom was the instigator/ organizer type. She was also the room mom / PTA officer type but she worked less hours with fewer kids than I have.

I also realize I have no idea what my parents did when I was as young as my kids are now. I have slowly taken on more volunteer obligations as my kids get older - my oldest is in 1st grade. I recall my parents doing a lot when I was in Jr High / HS which makes sense because the parents in my neighborhood who lead a lot of volunteer activities have kids in late elementary or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, yes. Now we are much more careful about who we help. Our kindness has exposed us to bad actors.

Same, unfortunately

[Anonymous]

Yes. Grew up in family of helpers/givers and became the same.

Then, four years ago, my family suffered a horrific and public tragedy ... and the number of neighbors who knew, but said or did nothing, negatively impacted me and blindsided me in ways I still have trouble describing.

[Anonymous]

Yes-my mom did meals for friends & families that had hardships in their lives. She made welcome cookies for new neighbors. She also did work in various church groups that contributed to the community. She had us do soup kitchens & Habitat for Humanity when we were teens.

I do lots of these things now. I believe in building a village, contributing to the community & helping people out. I do meals for sick & pregnant neighbors, drop off gifts “just because” to people who might need cheering up, get my kids to help the elderly neighbors w/their yards etc. We also do local park clean ups & participate in any fundraisers for local organizations like the PTA.

I don’t live in DC anymore, and am really grateful to be in the loving, kind , engaged neighborhood I’m in now. When my family has had some challenges this year we’ve been swamped with support. Food, people taking my kids, random invites, friends dropping off margaritas just to make me smile.... you really get out what you put in.