Holding back advanced child for social reasons
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My son has a late fall birthday and young for his current grade (5th). He currently goes to a small private school where 4-6th grade work all together and he has always been able to work at whatever level he needs. He is currently working on materials 2-3 grades above 5th grade in core subjects and tests 95-99% on standardized tests. He will stay in 6th grade at private, but then switch to public after. When he switches, I am thinking of sending him to public 6th instead of 7th. He doesn't know anyone so it won't be an issue of kids knowing he was "held back." He is small for his age and sensitive. Our public schools are underperforming and a pretty rough environment overall. I feel like he will do better socially being older instead of younger. But that would put him light years ahead of most his peer academically (our public school is below state proficiency averages). I think it may be ok though because starting in middle school, our district has an excellent and rigerous academically talented program where the qualifying kids are taking to a partnering state university for their core classes.
Has anyone held an older child back for purely social reasons even though they were academically advanced? |
Anonymous
| I would like to do this with my child also. She's in fifth and smart, but the very youngest in her class and still plays with dolls. It's a tough call. In your case I definitely would put him in 6th. |
Anonymous
| If he will immediately be eligible for the academically talented program, maybe, but not if he'd have to essentially repeat an academic year. He'll be bored and likely unengaged, and that can cause all sorts of problems -- behavioral problems, crappy study habits, etc. |
Anonymous
| I think my kid knows what grade he is in and would be annoyed to repeat it. At this age I think that matters personally. |
Anonymous
| No way. And he won’t do any better socially. Many gifted kids struggle socially because they can’t relate to kids who are so different from them intellectually. Being with younger kids isn’t going to help. |
Anonymous
I agree. At that age, your kid will know he's being held back, and will infer that you don't think he is capable of handling school at the next grade. Plus, I agree with the poster who said that kids who are truly advanced often have problems because they are advanced; being with younger kids who are even farther behind can just exacerbate that. Plus, if school is too easy and he's bored, you could end up with behavioral problems, or lack of motivation, or sloppy study skills, or a school aversion. |
Anonymous
Those are good points. His current school is Montessori and I knew from an early age this would come up. Since 1st grade we have always told him his grade isn’t set, since Montessori is so fluid with grade levels, and when he switches schools he may be in a grade below due to the difference in Montessori vs traditional and because it would be more appropriate for his age. So he isn’t resistant to the idea of back tracking. Plus his best friend whose birthday is a couple weeks from his is in a grade below (different district). He really doesn’t seem to care either way right now, but we have a lot of time left for him to form a strong opinion on it. Which I would take into consideration if he was against it. |
Anonymous
| What I get from such posts is parents underestimating their kids. Being small for the age and sensitive are not problems for which they should be punished and lose out on a year. Talk to the admins of the school and of your current school to get their perspective. Small kids usually make smaller adults too, which is ok. Teach him that he is smart, wonderful and talented. Figure out ways for him to flourish and be confident and appreciate his sensitive nature. He is not going to magically change and be like his peers in one year. You are trying to hold him back by thinking this will give him some advantage, I think it’ll just make the problem worse. You are treating the symptom and not the problem. |
Anonymous
| This sounds totally crazy. |
Anonymous
| Middle school is miserable for so many kids, and it can hit bright kids especially hard. You have a golden ticket for him to only spend 2 years in that cesspool. Take it and never look back. |
Anonymous
|
My parents did this to me, actually. It was slightly different because I'd skipped a grade, so they were actually putting me back on track. Academically, skipping was the right choice and I was still doing well even a year ahead. Socially, it was a catastrophe.
I wasn't a "mature" kid in 5th grade anyway, and absolutely held on to childish things longer than many of my peers. I was also small, and developing slowly. The combination of "too smart for my own good," immature, and physically small was a perfect storm. In my case, yes, it was boring to repeat a grade, but the social "reset" was 100% worth it. |
Anonymous
| What is late fall? If after September 30th, he will be old for the class in public. |
Anonymous
NP and yeah, I think this is going to be true most of the time. |
Anonymous
All of this. He's likely still going to be small and sensitive the following year. What will you do then, have home repeat 6th for the third time? |
Anonymous
|
Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.
Your son is not immature. He's just young and short. |