Holding back advanced child for social reasons

[Anonymous]

We redshirted my daughter for social reasons and very happy to have done it. She was born 1 week before the cutoff and we did it in K. She was immature and insecure and being around girls tht would have been in some cases a whole year older was going to be terrible for her self esteem. She is smart and I am sure she would have been ok academically, but because we did it when she was 5, she was never ahead or behind.
It was a great choice for her…

[Anonymous]

Instead of making him repeat, try to put him in sports, toastmasters, speech, theater, charity type programs to develop his social skills. Give him confidence, encourage him to talk to older kids and grownups. As Mark Twain once said, 'It's not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.".This isn't limited to actual physical fight but social fight as well.

[Anonymous]

+ martial arts

[Anonymous]

I redshirted my kid with no regrets, but I wouldn’t have made that call just for social reasons.

[Anonymous]

Not sure I would repeatedly a grade in upper elementary unless there was a clearer issue.

However if you are moving that is one way to do it most easily without external stigma. What the actual kid thinks about it is another thing.

Also not sure how I’d factor in being in a district where every summer kid and some spring ones were redshirted for K. I don’t know how that feels come 7th grade and up….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a late fall birthday and young for his current grade (5th). He currently goes to a small private school where 4-6th grade work all together and he has always been able to work at whatever level he needs. He is currently working on materials 2-3 grades above 5th grade in core subjects and tests 95-99% on standardized tests. He will stay in 6th grade at private, but then switch to public after. When he switches, I am thinking of sending him to public 6th instead of 7th. He doesn't know anyone so it won't be an issue of kids knowing he was "held back." He is small for his age and sensitive. Our public schools are underperforming and a pretty rough environment overall. I feel like he will do better socially being older instead of younger. But that would put him light years ahead of most his peer academically (our public school is below state proficiency averages). I think it may be ok though because starting in middle school, our district has an excellent and rigerous academically talented program where the qualifying kids are taking to a partnering state university for their core classes.

Has anyone held an older child back for purely social reasons even though they were academically advanced?

We have a similar question and are moving to a new school district.

Repeat last year in ES near the house for our late summer bday girl, going from low stress private to competitive public.
Or go to next grade which is their MS model, in a district with heavy redshirting from K (1/3 the class started at the next age, ie 6 for K start).

She is talk, quite mature, and average academically, but sensitive and will be younger by a lot at new school. If held back she will be middle of age range, ironically.

Am responding here:


Not sure I would repeatedly a grade in upper elementary unless there was a clearer issue.

However if you are moving that is one way to do it most easily without external stigma. What the actual kid thinks about it is another thing.

Also not sure how I’d factor in being in a district where every summer kid and some spring ones were redshirted for K. I don’t know how that feels come 7th grade and up….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to do this with my child also. She's in fifth and smart, but the very youngest in her class and still plays with dolls. It's a tough call. In your case I definitely would put him in 6th.

I know multiple 6th grade girls who still play with dolls. Your daughter sounds great.

Me too. I was also one of them. I was also childish in 5th and 6th grade because I was a child. Seriously what's the rush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I redshirted my kid with no regrets, but I wouldn’t have made that call just for social reasons.

It would've been fine to redshirt earlier for social reasons as well but 6th grade redshirting may cause different type of social problems. However, OP knows her child best.

[Anonymous]

That sounds incredibly stupid. Your child will be bored out of his mind and will act out. All the other kids will hate him. This sounds like committing social suicide on behalf of your child. Please don't do this to him, it will be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

OP is from 2020. I wonder if they followed DCUM redshirter wisdumb and lobbied the public school to hold their accelerated kid back. I'm sure the school said no, and called the parents lunatics behind their backs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school is miserable for so many kids, and it can hit bright kids especially hard. You have a golden ticket for him to only spend 2 years in that cesspool. Take it and never look back.

Amen. There are a lot of factors to consider here, but I must say my first reaction was that holding back means an extra year in the schools you don’t seem to thin MJ highly of anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school is miserable for so many kids, and it can hit bright kids especially hard. You have a golden ticket for him to only spend 2 years in that cesspool. Take it and never look back.

Amen. There are a lot of factors to consider here, but I must say my first reaction was that holding back means an extra year in the schools you don’t seem to think highly of anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has a late fall birthday and young for his current grade (5th). He currently goes to a small private school where 4-6th grade work all together and he has always been able to work at whatever level he needs. He is currently working on materials 2-3 grades above 5th grade in core subjects and tests 95-99% on standardized tests. He will stay in 6th grade at private, but then switch to public after. When he switches, I am thinking of sending him to public 6th instead of 7th. He doesn't know anyone so it won't be an issue of kids knowing he was "held back." He is small for his age and sensitive. Our public schools are underperforming and a pretty rough environment overall. I feel like he will do better socially being older instead of younger. But that would put him light years ahead of most his peer academically (our public school is below state proficiency averages). I think it may be ok though because starting in middle school, our district has an excellent and rigerous academically talented program where the qualifying kids are taking to a partnering state university for their core classes.

Has anyone held an older child back for purely social reasons even though they were academically advanced?

Please do. it is a great idea. I regret not doing it for my child and she is a 19 year old now and I still wish we had. in our case she was staying in the same private school and our egos came to play. you are smartly avoiding that. so really win win

[Anonymous]

Have him redo 6th. Being young social is so hard