Holding back advanced child for social reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.

Your son is not immature. He's just young and short.

Because it is either that or catholic school. And no thanks to that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't. You don't want him sinking to the lowest common denominator...the behavior of students who are a year younger or the academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our district has an excellent and rigerous academically talented program where the qualifying kids are taking to a partnering state university for their core classes.

So he won't be the only bright kid. Let him try to find friends his own age in that group of peers rather than holding him back.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the kids in the school you want to switch him to?

He could still be immature compared to the kids in his new school, and then on top of that, he's a target for bullying being new, smart and sensitive.


I would consider another option for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.

Your son is not immature. He's just young and short.

Meh. He probably IS immature. Just like every other 6th grade boy out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.

Your son is not immature. He's just young and short.

Because it is either that or catholic school. And no thanks to that.

What is your concern with your local Catholic middle schools and high schools (they aren't all the same)?

[Anonymous]

Just be careful that he does not get lazy with academics.

A lot of smart students struggle with academics later in life(college and beyond) because school was too easy in middle and high.

If you hold him back, you will have to pay special attention to his academics in order to make sure that he is challenged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.

Your son is not immature. He's just young and short.

Because it is either that or catholic school. And no thanks to that.

What is your concern with your local Catholic middle schools and high schools (they aren't all the same)?

Catholics have strange custom of only giving top leadership positions to males. Send a really antiquated and bizarre message to both male and female kids in this day and age IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this to me, actually. It was slightly different because I'd skipped a grade, so they were actually putting me back on track. Academically, skipping was the right choice and I was still doing well even a year ahead. Socially, it was a catastrophe.

I wasn't a "mature" kid in 5th grade anyway, and absolutely held on to childish things longer than many of my peers. I was also small, and developing slowly. The combination of "too smart for my own good," immature, and physically small was a perfect storm.

In my case, yes, it was boring to repeat a grade, but the social "reset" was 100% worth it.

Same, I skipped 3rd grade and went right from 2nd to 4th. I was already somewhat young for grade (summer birthday) and there were kids in my class who were literally 2 full years older than I was. It was a disaster (although I did fine academically). My parents fought for me to do 4th grade again and I stayed in that graduating class.

We had a preK-6 Montessori school in my town and it was not uncommon for a few summer birthday kids to essentially repeat 6th grade when they got through Montessori. I know the grades aren’t analogous in Montessori vs. public/other traditional school, but they were summer birthdays and of an age where they could go to 7th grade, but instead they went to 6th.

[Anonymous]

It's a really tough decision, OP, and the only good solution is a magnet environment where the kids are all academically advanced but have time to just be kids too. It seems your public schools might have an option close to that, so why not try it? Please inquire and get more details, though, because if it's not ideal, I would move, in your shoes, and find a real magnet for him.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not hold him back for this.

I have a friend who did this back in kindergarten. The girl had a September birthday so instead of being the youngest, she is the oldest. Mom thought she was shy and sensitive. Plus she is short. Girl is very advanced. Now she is in 5th grade, the older in her grade and still the shortest in her grade, shy and sensitive. She is bored in AAP. Her mom blames her social problems on her daughter being so smart and advanced. It is pretty annoying to hear 5 years later. The mom constantly says other kids in her class and grade are dumb, says the teachers and parents are dumb. The girl is not well liked so holding her back did nothing for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to do this with my child also. She's in fifth and smart, but the very youngest in her class and still plays with dolls. It's a tough call. In your case I definitely would put him in 6th.

I know multiple 6th grade girls who still play with dolls. Your daughter sounds great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you sending your kid to such a shit school? Sounds like the kids are rough and the academics suck.

Your son is not immature. He's just young and short.

+1, you are comparing kids when he's younger and its not comparable. What happens when you hold back and he still doesn't fit in socially and resents being held back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this to me, actually. It was slightly different because I'd skipped a grade, so they were actually putting me back on track. Academically, skipping was the right choice and I was still doing well even a year ahead. Socially, it was a catastrophe.

I wasn't a "mature" kid in 5th grade anyway, and absolutely held on to childish things longer than many of my peers. I was also small, and developing slowly. The combination of "too smart for my own good," immature, and physically small was a perfect storm.

In my case, yes, it was boring to repeat a grade, but the social "reset" was 100% worth it.

Same, I skipped 3rd grade and went right from 2nd to 4th. I was already somewhat young for grade (summer birthday) and there were kids in my class who were literally 2 full years older than I was. It was a disaster (although I did fine academically). My parents fought for me to do 4th grade again and I stayed in that graduating class.

We had a preK-6 Montessori school in my town and it was not uncommon for a few summer birthday kids to essentially repeat 6th grade when they got through Montessori. I know the grades aren’t analogous in Montessori vs. public/other traditional school, but they were summer birthdays and of an age where they could go to 7th grade, but instead they went to 6th.

It depends on the kid. I have a young middle schooler and because of interests they hang out with kids the next grade up. No big deal. Kids are going to have a 2 year span with redshirting.

[Anonymous]

I did this for my gifted son with a summer birthday. I had him in a Montessori school through 3rd grade but had him enter 2nd in public. He qualified for the gifted program for both 3rd and 2nd, and I had him put in 2nd. He also has a language based learning disability that makes it very hard for him to express himself verbally. I have read that 2e kids take longer for their prefrontal cortex to develop, and I didn’t see any harm... only benefit... to putting him in 2nd. He’s doing well socially and academically now that he is in 5th grade. I am very glad to have made the decision. I also want to mention that I see school as more of a socially educational environment (especially in elementary school) than an academically educational environment. I also see “doing school” as a separate skill set.

Your case is different because your child is older, however.