S/O maximum number of kids to ensure dual working couple

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are planning a family but we want to keep working. There seems to be a point at which despite high incomes ( we are a doctor/lawyer couple) it becomes too hard to sustain. What’s the magic number?

[Anonymous]

This is one reason we only have one kid.

[Anonymous]

one

[Anonymous]

There is no magic number, you do what works for you. Sounds like you can afford help like a cleaning person and Nanny so whether its one kid or 4, you can do it, you will just pay more for childcare.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how involved you want to be in your kids’ lives, how much you feel comfortable outsourcing, your hours...

We have three, and DH and I both have careers affording us flexibility and decent salaries. But, we also believe that quantity of time with our kids matters, not just quality. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

It depends on you, there's no magic formula. Duel working couples can have six kids. What's important to you? Traveling with kids? Paying for their grad school? Spending a lot of one on one time with them

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on your temperament, how much help you have (like grandparents) or are willing to hire. I know couples managing beautifully with up to four kids but they do have help like an au pair, nannies and grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no magic number, you do what works for you. Sounds like you can afford help like a cleaning person and Nanny so whether its one kid or 4, you can do it, you will just pay more for childcare.

There is a recent post about a mom with 4 kids and a very high HHI who wants to leave work despite having tons of outsourcing

[Anonymous]

It depends entirely on you. I work with several doctor-doctor couples and they each have anywhere from 1-6 kids. It becomes immensely easier when you can afford to hire all the help you want or need.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Not more than 2. One is fine but they do get quite lonely. 2 gives your child an actual family member whom they see on a regular basis. 3 or more is a problem because the small amount of time parents are actually parenting gets further divided up to the point where the children never get time one-on-one with a parent. With two you can regularly do one-on-one because one parent takes Billy to soccer while the other takes Judy to girl scouts on Saturdays.

Note that I make a difference between two-job families and two-career families. If one of you has a flexible job that is never more than 40 hours with little or no travel then it’s more about what you can handle. But if you are a two-career family with both parents working 50+ hours most weeks and taking on travel and weekend work and inflexible hours to pursue career advancement then you really will only see your kids for maybe half an hour total on weekdays and like 3/4 of the weekend (most of these families have a weekend sitter or nanny to cover at least one day). If that limited time and attention gets further divided between multiple kids then they won’t feel they know you at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of three with doctor-doctor parents. We are spaced out, which I think helps. But my mom still ended up stepping back to part-time...and generally I think that it kind of sucked to be their kid. But part of that was just that they weren't very good parents, and they wouldn't have been to one or to six or any number in between.

We are two PhDs in industry with two kids. I WAH with a lot of flexibility. It's still a lot.

[Anonymous]

2 kids. So that they have each other. You outsource cleaning, cooking, household chores. You work with flexible and shift schedule so that at least one parent is with them as much as possible. You have childcare helpers (not outsourcing to them, but utilizing them as backup and as assistants) like nanny or au pair. You have grandparents around.

Kids need quality and quantity of time from parents and family members.

[Anonymous]

You need a full time nanny regardless for sick days and housekeeping. Obamas had 2. Biden had 3.

[Anonymous]

Amy Coney Barrett and her husband both work with 7 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amy Coney Barrett and her husband both work with 7 kids.

Didn't they have a family member living with them to help with the kids? Someone like that can make a huge difference. It's basically a SAHP who's not actually a parent.