Unusual MIL dynamic
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Anonymous
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I speak to my mom every other day. I realize every family is different. My parents live 10 min away. DH's mother lives an hour away.
DH and his mom...speak maybe once every three weeks. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I keep asking him, "Do you know what your Mom is doing? Should we Zoom her? Can we find a way to meet outside?" Dh keeps brushing it off. Won't initiate; won't reach out. Meanwhile, MIL doesn't reach out to us either! There is no bad blood or anything. It's just radio silence at all times, to the point that I feel like she doesn't have any desire to see our kids, since we hear from her pretty much never. Finally DH and I talked about Thanksgiving last night. He suggested we go sit outside at her house on Sunday. She has a very small condo with no real backyard and a dog who scares my toddler. I said, Could we ask her to come up here? And DH got all huffy and said no, she doesn't like driving and wouldn't want to do that. So now here we are back at Square One and neither MIL or DH have contacted the other. What do I do? Reach out independently of DH and initiate a Zoom or invite her here? Sit in her tiny yard with her aggressive dog? Let DH completely handle it? Their dynamic is so strange to me, even 15 yrs into our marriage. |
Anonymous
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Dh made a suggestion and you shot it down. The dog won’t be outside with you and the size of her condo and backyard are irrelevant because you’re just going to be sitting outside. Of course you go...an elderly woman shouldn’t he we to drive because you want her to come to you. Let your DH manage the relationship and stop trying to conform it to what you think it should be. It’s his mom. Apologize hero him for shooting it down and say you will go up on Sunday..
Talking to your mom every day seems excessive, IMO. |
Anonymous
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You let your dh handle.
Mine is like that too. When I tried to encourage interactions it always backfired. |
Anonymous
No offense, but how do you know the mom is elderly and that the dog won't be outside? Also, nowhere in the post does it say OP and mom talk daily. Every other day. |
Anonymous
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OP, you need to drop the judgment. Your post is dripping in it and it’s impacting your relationship with your spouse and with her. That’s why he responded the way he did when you shot down his suggestion to visit.
So what that he doesn’t talk to his mother at the same rate you talk with your mom? You’ve created this narrative that MIL doesn’t like your kids. You have no idea. Maybe she struggles with mental health issues. Maybe she thinks you don’t like her. You don’t know. If you feel it’s important to see her, make the visit to her condo. Whatever you decide to do, drop the judgment. |
Anonymous
| I used to talk to my mom daily. I would call her on my way home from work. She passed in April and I now hate driving home from work. Don't hate on mom calls@ |
Anonymous
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I think your husband suggestion is good and you did kind of shoot it down.
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Anonymous
But why is it good to sit with an aggressive animal? I'm confused. |
Anonymous
Oh lord. |
Anonymous
| OP, you can't manage other people's relationships and you can't create the relationship you think they should have. Drop it and let your husband and MIL have whatever relationship they want. |
Anonymous
Just ask her to keep the animal inside. Leave if she won't. Obviously. |
Anonymous
| Thank your lucky stars this is your biggest MIL problem. That's what you do. |
Anonymous
+1 And if she doesn’t and the dog scaring your kid then cut the visit short. Really there’s not much more to this and it’s a pretty simple solution. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but then OP couldn’t be a drama queen and post here. |
Anonymous
What is your damage? Why be pointlessly rude and nasty? |