Unusual MIL dynamic

[Anonymous]

Why do you think you know better than the two of them what kind of relationship they should have?

Why should THEIR relationship meet YOUR standards?

If they are content not to see each other during a global freaking pandemic, why are you pushing it?

What is it that you lack or you need that you are so desperately trying to get out of their interaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

You can want it, but you can't pressure someone who is clearly disinterested in that kind of relationship.

Cool. So what about Thanksgiving? Most people plan ahead. It's nuts that OP's DH and his own mother haven't decided how they want to handle Thanksgiving. And of course that affects OP, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He did handle it. Just not the way you wanted. Is it your way or the highway?

Apparently it's his way or the highway, since he shut down after OP said no to his one suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

But OP can’t control MIL’s wants.

I'm the OP and open-minded and wanting to hear thoughts (if they are non-trollish).

It's my instinct to want to connect, to offer chances to see the kids, to reach out. Would it be putting her on the spot? What's going thru her head, do you think?

But you only want to connect the way you want to connect. You don’t seem open-minded at all. Different families do things differently. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

You can want it, but you can't pressure someone who is clearly disinterested in that kind of relationship.

Cool. So what about Thanksgiving? Most people plan ahead. It's nuts that OP's DH and his own mother haven't decided how they want to handle Thanksgiving. And of course that affects OP, too.

Not really. If DH comes down at 3 and says time to visit mom, I'd be like nope, I'll be taking the turkey out to rest at that time. Ill save you a plate. I don't jump and run when others fail to coordinate with me.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like there was no plan because DH knows how his mother is and was trying to avoid this very situation. He knows his mom is OK without seeing you all on Thanksgiving on Zoom or IRL. You are wired differently and can't understand it. He was probably throwing out going to see her outside as a compromise to his comfort and his mother's.

Let it go. Make alternate plans at home. On Thursday maybe suggest DH call her to check in on her.

[Anonymous]

Why do some women always have to poke the bear? By that I mean most men would never think to poke and suggest how and when their wives see their parents. Most would not even notice something was "amiss."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do some women always have to poke the bear? By that I mean most men would never think to poke and suggest how and when their wives see their parents. Most would not even notice something was "amiss."

That's a wild generalization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

But OP can’t control MIL’s wants.

I'm the OP and open-minded and wanting to hear thoughts (if they are non-trollish).

It's my instinct to want to connect, to offer chances to see the kids, to reach out. Would it be putting her on the spot? What's going thru her head, do you think?

But you only want to connect the way you want to connect. You don’t seem open-minded at all. Different families do things differently. The end.

What way do you propose, telepathy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do some women always have to poke the bear? By that I mean most men would never think to poke and suggest how and when their wives see their parents. Most would not even notice something was "amiss."

That's a wild generalization.

Hence, some women, and most men.... Reading comprehension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He did handle it. Just not the way you wanted. Is it your way or the highway?

Apparently it's his way or the highway, since he shut down after OP said no to his one suggestion.

That OP suggested first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

But OP can’t control MIL’s wants.

I'm the OP and open-minded and wanting to hear thoughts (if they are non-trollish).

It's my instinct to want to connect, to offer chances to see the kids, to reach out. Would it be putting her on the spot? What's going thru her head, do you think?

But you only want to connect the way you want to connect. You don’t seem open-minded at all. Different families do things differently. The end.

What way do you propose, telepathy?

Your husband agreed with one of YOUR suggestions and you changed the rules and said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think it's unusual to want your mother-in-law to have a vested interested in seeing your grandchildren....The piling on is quite weird.

You can want it, but you can't pressure someone who is clearly disinterested in that kind of relationship.

+1 she’s hardly interested in her own son. Why would grandkids be different? If anything, they’re even further removed from importance.

[Anonymous]

Stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of parents who don't want to spend a bunch of time with their grandkids. They probably are the same parents who weren't that involved in parenting their own kids.