Girlfriend Doesn't Want Kids..

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

[Anonymous]

That's a deal-breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

You're not being selfish at all - if you know you want kids and she knows she doesn't then you are not right for each other.

But the bolded is interesting to me - you have "always been sure" you wanted kids, but you thought she was lying about not being sure whether she wanted kids to avoid scaring you off? Did she know you were sure you wanted kids? Doesn't sound like it. Were you just performing a role for her as the guy who needs convincing to settle down, and assuming she was doing the same as the cool girl who can't be bothered?

[Anonymous]

This is a dealbreaker and, although it will be painful, you should move on. Don't pressure to change her mind or use breaking up as leverage because this is a choice that should be respected. In the long run, breaking up will be better for you. There is another great woman out there for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

You're not being selfish at all - if you know you want kids and she knows she doesn't then you are not right for each other.

But the bolded is interesting to me - you have "always been sure" you wanted kids, but you thought she was lying about not being sure whether she wanted kids to avoid scaring you off? Did she know you were sure you wanted kids? Doesn't sound like it. Were you just performing a role for her as the guy who needs convincing to settle down, and assuming she was doing the same as the cool girl who can't be bothered?

OP here. I told her I wanted marriage and kids but I wasn't looking for an immediate commitment. I would like those down the road and I wasn't in a rush. I wanted to wait for the tight person. She said she was unsure about kids but definitely wanted to wait. Some women will say they are unsure or not super serious about having a commitment, but they do want one. They say that to not look desperate. I've known many women who have done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

You're not being selfish at all - if you know you want kids and she knows she doesn't then you are not right for each other.

But the bolded is interesting to me - you have "always been sure" you wanted kids, but you thought she was lying about not being sure whether she wanted kids to avoid scaring you off? Did she know you were sure you wanted kids? Doesn't sound like it. Were you just performing a role for her as the guy who needs convincing to settle down, and assuming she was doing the same as the cool girl who can't be bothered?

OP here. I told her I wanted marriage and kids but I wasn't looking for an immediate commitment. I would like those down the road and I wasn't in a rush. I wanted to wait for the tight person. She said she was unsure about kids but definitely wanted to wait. Some women will say they are unsure or not super serious about having a commitment, but they do want one. They say that to not look desperate. I've known many women who have done that.

l


I don't know any women who lie about wanting/not wanting kids, as the bulk of the responsibility for children falls on the woman, that's one thing their pretty clear on.

[Anonymous]

How old are you guys?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP you seem a bit immature and have some growing up to do before you get serious and have kids with anyone.

As for your question both of your desires are valid but not compatible with each other so you break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys?

My guess is 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys?

My first question, also. If you're in your mid- to late 30s, it's one thing. If it's really 22, though..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you guys?

My guess is 22.

OP does sound very young, that said I knew I 22 I did not want kids. It took another 10 years for other people to accept that.

[Anonymous]

Oh Op, I met a guy at the end of last year.  From the beginning, I told him that  I did not want kids. He was like, “oh, it is not a deal-breaker” “I think I want kids, but I am not sure.” Which to me meant, I want to have my kids.  

Anyway, we continued dating. We found ourselves in a situation where we thought we were pregnant. I saw how excited he got while I was so freaked out. Fortunately, it was just a false alarm.
By that time, we were like 7- 8 months in. I decided that best for both was to break up. For us, it was very sad. And it was just 7 months of dating. I still miss him A LOT. I wonder If I ever will meet another sensitive, caring, thoughtful, loving human being like him. But None of us want to give in.
 
I can imagine how hard it can be two years of dating. My reasons are almost the same as your girlfriend. I was a nanny for 5 years. Raising a child IS exhausting, expensive, tedious, and boring. The idea of losing my freedom and my “me time” terrifies me.
I came from a big family. I had to help my mother to raise my siblings. I am done with kids!
On the other hand, he’s an adopted only child. So I understand he wants a family. 

You need to have that serious talk ASAP.  If you both are settled in your decision (like we were), the best thing is to break up. I think for people that want kids, the dating scenario is clearer. For me, it has been hard to meet somebody childfree. A lot of women out there desperately want to have children. You will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

Lesson learned, when people say what they want (or don't), believe them.

[Anonymous]

OP, please take it from someone who did not break up in this scenario and do yourself and your GF the favor of ending things now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I are getting very serious. We have been together for two years and I felt like it was headed in the right direction. She told me yesterday that she has decided she doesn't wants kids. She has some babysitting experience and said she found it tedious and boring. I knew she was always a little unsure but I thought it was more so to not scare me off or seem desperate. She said she does not want to be responsible for another human being. I understand it's big commitment, but I have always been sure I wanted kids. I really love her and want to be with her, but I worry I will grow to resent her down he road for not giving me children. Am I being selfish? Should we breakup?

Lesson learned, when people say what they want (or don't), believe them.

+1 He assumed she was lying for his sake when she was telling the truth for her own, because he's . . . seen a lot of movies where that happens? I hope PPs are right and he's very young.