when you realize you can't be yourself with your spouse
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| What do you do? You realize they just don't get your sense of humor, you have to watch the words you use, feeling like you're always on eggshells, like there's just an extra something missing that you have with your close friends, male or female? Starting to feel like I need to assess how I want to spend the rest of my life, as if I'm just not 100% comfortable with him. For example, if I make a joke that's a little sarcastic, DH immediately takes offense and says something hurtful. But if I make the same joke to a good friend or close family member, they get it. Or, if I express an opinion that DH disagrees with, he's indignant and can't just let it roll off his back. Or, rather than just asking me to do a favor for him in a nice way, he says it in a commanding, annoyed roommate way? |
Anonymous
|
What some people deem as sarcasm is actually just meanspirited. Good sarcastic jokes involve intelligence and wit and are just saying hurtful or backhanded things.
So consider that. |
Anonymous
| You need to talk to him about it. |
Anonymous
OP here. Well, it's not even just that. I get that. I know myself and my faults. But it's more than that. It's his s%it doesn't stink. It's completely different personalities. It's I won't forgive you and he won't ever say he's sorry. He can say something mean, and I go back at him and how dare I for saying that!! It's I say black, he says white. I'm going to make the kids sandwiches, no I'm going to pick up Chinese food for them. It's I want to go to Argentina, he says Florida because his friends are there. That's the problem. We're not synchronous at heart. A friend offended him horribly a few days ago and he let it roll off his shoulders. I'm having a bad day, don't want to do something and I'm an awful wife immediately. |
Anonymous
| I expect you’ll divorce. |
Anonymous
|
I feel ya - we are also at an all time low here and I feel like I’m just waiting it out til hE comes to his senses and sees the error in his ways and come crawling back to me on and knees.
Til then - I don’t know what to do |
Anonymous
Oh okay, it's a long-standing more complicated issue. But to the bold, I think it's a myth that most couples are synchronous at heart and just are magically always in agreeance, it takes compromise and giving in, not to say that you should just give in. IT seems there's some deep issues, an I would suggest couples therapy, specifically to address communication if you plan to stay together. |
Anonymous
|
Same here. It sucks so bad.
I’ve just decided to live my life. I don’t watch what I say anymore or walk on eggshells. If he gets upset I don’t engage. If he wants something different for dinner, I make it for myself and let him feed the kids. No vacations for now due to COVID, but if we were, I’d just plan my own vacation. I make my own weekend plans. He’s not happy about it, but at least he’s stopped arguing with me over everything. My guess is that within the next year he’ll meet someone, have an affair, and ask for a divorce. Which is fine with me. |
Anonymous
I hope you did tell him that as a result of his behavior, this is what you're doing. |
Anonymous
| We go through days like this and then days when we finish each other’s sentences. I am trying to refrain from letting anything solidify during this craziness. If it’s gotten worse since mid-March, try to let it roll until the external crazy ends, if you can. |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm trying. In addition to everything I listed above, things are starting to feel very transactional, again, as if I'm dealing with an annoyed roommate who has become very tit for tat. Lots of keeping score, like, "I made the kids lunch so you can make them dinner" (never mind that I was just about to get them pizza). Or, you went jogging so now it's MY turn. Ok, I get it, you don't have to be an a$$hole and act like I took a long girls weekend without your blessing because I went running for 20 minutes. There is always a feeling of accusation that makes me think he wants an argument. And I'm not a fight picker. I don't have the energy for it. I don't know... I'm starting to feel like there is a huge void that I can't spend the rest of my life staring at. I'm not looking for greener grass. It's more, how do you really want to live for the next 30 years? |
Anonymous
| I can’t be my true self and wear women’s clothes in her presence |
Anonymous
I didn’t, because that would make it sound like me just living my life is a punishment. There’s nothing wrong with me saying the things I want to say and doing the things I want to do. It also implies that if he behaves better, I’ll get back in line and give up the things I want. |
Anonymous
|
I'm just living my life, also. I don't hate dh, but I don't like his unpleasantness and constant griping.
He's a good coparent and I make sure he pays half of the bills, so for now it's ok. Not sure what the future will bring. |
Anonymous
Astounding variety of titles for yet another "sexless marriage" thread. He is already having that affair: be grateful because it has saved your marriage and keeps things peaceful. |