No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are ludicrously expensive nowadays. I'm not sure why a wedding guest should dictate the wedding budget just because they feel entitled that their kids should be allowed to attend. Once you say yes to a kid, its yes to all kids. It can add up to be quite a bit to the point where you might need to change venues. No one is obligated to change their wedding for your child.

This is such a straw man. I invited my nieces and nephews to my wedding, but that didn't mean I had to invite every guest's kids to the wedding. It's a dumb argument.

My sister's kids-- yes
My college roommate's kids-- no

It's really not that hard.

But it's also really not hard to understand that for some brides and grooms, they simply want "no kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so hard on all sides. I had a no kids wedding, simply because I have a ton of cousins and they all have multiple children. It would have just been insane and added huge cost for kids I didn't even know. I made exception for babies though, nbd.

That said, my closest friend from college had a no *babies* wedding. Young kids were allowed and would be watched in a separate area by a few nannies. My baby had severe reflux, so needed to nurse very often to keep weight up. The wedding was in a city where I don't know anyone who wouldn't have been at the reception. My friend and her fiancé, knowing all of this, instead of inviting us to have the baby at the wedding suggested we "just look for a local babysitter on care.com" and have them stay at a nearby hotel. We politely opted out of attending. She has not talked to me since because she felt slighted that I wouldn't make this sacrifice for her.

So you learned she is not really a good friend and now you can move on with life. That is all on her.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to call them infertile weddings

[Anonymous]

I am going to get ROASTED for this but I insisted that no kids would attend my vows. I did not want crying kids to distract me, and I didn’t trust my SIL or other people with kids to quiet them down during our vows. So we organized childcare in another room and the babysitters threw a “party” for them during our vows. They were also served dinner there, and then came later to dance at the reception. Some of the kids fell asleep in there, some stayed up late dancing. It was completely fine and the parents ended up having a good time.

Okay, here is where I will get roasted. And I sort of feel bad about it, but I banned kids from my baby shower. I was deranged on hormones and kept thinking it was my last “kid free” event. My SIL was so mad, but I didn’t care. Kinda feel bad about it to this day, especially because it made my SIL and MIL so mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 62 pages on this topic! Clearly, people have strong feelings. I'm going to tack on my perspective as a wedding professional.

People who don't allow children at weddings are doing the right thing in terms of hosting a large event. A child or two, especially those over 12 or under 3, will not cause any problem. However, the very worst weddings I've been to have been those with 5-6 elementary age-d children running loose like a pack of wild animals. I don't know why weddings lead to this - for some reason, parents don't feel the need to supervise closely at a wedding venue, and think it must be fine if they with "the other kids."

It's not fine. They are incredibly destructive - this is an elegant event where breakable property and artistic creations of a large number of vendors is out on display. Children damage, dirty, and break things all the time. I've been at weddings where a pack of children did so much damage that vendors returned and just cried over what had been done to their decor items.

Please, limit kids at weddings. It isn't the appropriate setting for them.

This is RIGHT on! Especially for misbehaved kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 62 pages on this topic! Clearly, people have strong feelings. I'm going to tack on my perspective as a wedding professional.

People who don't allow children at weddings are doing the right thing in terms of hosting a large event. A child or two, especially those over 12 or under 3, will not cause any problem. However, the very worst weddings I've been to have been those with 5-6 elementary age-d children running loose like a pack of wild animals. I don't know why weddings lead to this - for some reason, parents don't feel the need to supervise closely at a wedding venue, and think it must be fine if they with "the other kids."

It's not fine. They are incredibly destructive - this is an elegant event where breakable property and artistic creations of a large number of vendors is out on display. Children damage, dirty, and break things all the time. I've been at weddings where a pack of children did so much damage that vendors returned and just cried over what had been done to their decor items.

Please, limit kids at weddings. It isn't the appropriate setting for them.

I strongly disagree that a child under 3 will not cause any problem. Years ago, my husband's brother got married. His sister brought her son who was about 2 years old. The kid ran around the dance floor, shrieking and screaming, while the bride's brothers were trying to make a nice speech honoring their sister and new BIL. Dh's sister (the kid's mom) just sad and giggled and murmured that he was "so precious!" The bride's brothers literally stopped in the middle of the speech and waited for sister-in-law to come get the kid, but of course she didn't-just continued sighing and giggling. Finaly they asked her to come get him and she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides.

My dds were actually IN the wedding as flower girls and still weren't allowed to attend the reception. They were older too, well behaved, and super excited for the bride. Mostly they just like all the romantic, princess things. They definitely left the wedding crying. Bride didn't want kids ruining the reception vibe.

So if they weren't good enough to be at the reception, why did you essentially pimp your own daughters out as flower girls?

Ridiculous PP and it's your fault. You should have told the bride "Sorry, no, if my daughters can't come to the reception they certainly won't be props for your wedding."

People like you enable this kind of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 62 pages on this topic! Clearly, people have strong feelings. I'm going to tack on my perspective as a wedding professional.

People who don't allow children at weddings are doing the right thing in terms of hosting a large event. A child or two, especially those over 12 or under 3, will not cause any problem. However, the very worst weddings I've been to have been those with 5-6 elementary age-d children running loose like a pack of wild animals. I don't know why weddings lead to this - for some reason, parents don't feel the need to supervise closely at a wedding venue, and think it must be fine if they with "the other kids."

It's not fine. They are incredibly destructive - this is an elegant event where breakable property and artistic creations of a large number of vendors is out on display. Children damage, dirty, and break things all the time. I've been at weddings where a pack of children did so much damage that vendors returned and just cried over what had been done to their decor items.

Please, limit kids at weddings. It isn't the appropriate setting for them.

I strongly disagree that a child under 3 will not cause any problem. Years ago, my husband's brother got married. His sister brought her son who was about 2 years old. The kid ran around the dance floor, shrieking and screaming, while the bride's brothers were trying to make a nice speech honoring their sister and new BIL. Dh's sister (the kid's mom) just sad and giggled and murmured that he was "so precious!" The bride's brothers literally stopped in the middle of the speech and waited for sister-in-law to come get the kid, but of course she didn't-just continued sighing and giggling. Finaly they asked her to come get him and she did.

This is precisely why you don't have to invite kids, even if it's "family". If you want an event to go like this, go for it, but if not, then you are not required to invite brats to your wedding, even if it is a close relative. Many parents simply do not know how to handle their kids or do not expect them to behave. Hint: if they are misbehaving you remove them from the room so everyone else doesn't have to have their evening interrupted by your brat.

[Anonymous]

I recently went to a wedding that was billed as child-free, except that some children were invited. there was just a special rule for kids. It cost me $1000 in child care to go. I will be honest that it basically said that I was a second class guest. I'm annoyed, but maybe not as annoyed as by the fact that I never got a thank you for the gift I sent (it's been 8 months now). Not even a form letter email.

[Anonymous]

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But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

Ha. My cousins huge Indian wedding did not allow my kids to attend. We don’t really talk much anymore anyways.

Arre! So sorry. Must be a POS cousin. Every family (even Indian) have couple of a-holes.

Not inviting your brats =/= aholes

Actually, it is. But whatever. There is not only one flavor of wedding. Get me to an Italian or Middle Eastern wedding too and I will enjoy myself. Who wants a cash bar and cold chicken boring wedding that lasts only two hours?

Do you care at all about the marrying couple or is it just about what’s in it for you?

TBH - As a guest, it is about ample and delicious food, top shelf liquor and open bar for drinks, amazing music and dancing, convenient, luxurious and easily accessible location and free parking.
The best wedding from a guest perspective is only these things.

The bride and groom should have a tiny and elegant wedding if they want to make it about them and if they are broke.

You sound like you’re 28 and use the phrase “wedding season” when you’re talking about any time after May 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently went to a wedding that was billed as child-free, except that some children were invited. there was just a special rule for kids. It cost me $1000 in child care to go. I will be honest that it basically said that I was a second class guest. I'm annoyed, but maybe not as annoyed as by the fact that I never got a thank you for the gift I sent (it's been 8 months now). Not even a form letter email.

This bothered me too once. I went to a wedding for a dear friend that was held on Mother’s Day- and it was my first Mother’s Day , and it was out of town. Now I know my baby did not care or notice, but I cared and I noticed. Of course I went , and enjoyed my night away with my husband, but it wasn’t The Weeknd getaway we would have planned for ourselves or anything. I completely assumed that the bride and grooms nieces and nephews would be there, and of course they were. But there were 2 additional small kids that were kids of just friends. I said something like “I would have brought larlo along if I’d realized it wasn’t child free anymore” to another friend of mine and she was like “oh, yeah, (the bride) said (other friends) baby could come because she’d never met the baby before and wanted to meet her.”

It made me feel like a second class guest as well, especially on my first Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

second class guest

[Anonymous]

I had a child free wedding. It was at a very expensive country club. Unfortunately some friends of my parents brought their kids. This is a couple I didn't even know but it was fine but kinda weird and we did not have kids menus. I guess they ate steak or seafood.

[Anonymous]

No kids at a wedding is a relatively new thing.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to say, people do really take this personally.

I know this is a bit different, my mom did not invite her younger 4 brothers and sisters who were all under the age of 10, to her wedding. 53 years later, her sisters have never forgiven her for it.