Did anyone really want love and never got it?

[Anonymous]

I am afraid this will be me. My current marriage is looking more and more like a Dumpster fire. I don't know if my husband even loves me anymore. If I leave...will I ever find love again? I don't want to be alone. My one hope and goal was to make a beautiful family.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

[Anonymous]

OP, project yourself 20 -25 years into the future. And let’s say nothing at all changes — looking back to your younger self, will you be happy that you stayed? What will you wish you did instead?

The best thing you can do for yourself now is to get stronger emotionally and become self-reliant. Make sure you can always support yourself. Even if things in your marriage turn around soon, you don’t know what the future may bring. If your DH is unreliable, it’s easier to get started now than in another 20 years.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what you define as love. I've been loved, but not by anyone who hasn't also hurt me really badly, other than my kids. Everyone else who has loved me - parents, spouse, grandparents, and friends - has been conditional in some way.

When I was younger I was mad and hurt that my family didn't love me unconditionally. As I've aged, I've learned to accept what love they were able to offer. I had hoped to find unconditional love in my spouse, but though he is a good partner in many ways and loves me as much as he is capable of, he has not been faithful. So, conditions there too. I have accepted that it's who he is.

I honestly don't know that any human is capable of loving another person unconditionally. I mean, I love my kids that way and I know it's possible for parents to love like that, even if mine didn't. But for all other relationships? I think love is always bounded in some way.

As I've gotten older, I've also realized that human love doesn't transcend the fundamental truth that we are born and die alone. Now I appreciate the people in my life because they're good company. I no longer ask them to be a barrier against the void, if that makes sense. My life is my own. I'm no longer waiting for anyone to make it happy - through love or companionship or whatever. Now I just focus on making sure I'm making choices and living a life that, if I died tomorrow, I could look back on a know I did the best I could with the time I was given.

[Anonymous]

There is no guarantee that anyone will ever find love. Most people call in love 2-4 times in their life. Not care deeply, but love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

This IS a meaningless trope. You should have stopped there. It's meaningless drivel. Plenty of people figure out who they are as they go along, often IN a marriage. Also, people change and grow. There is no one "you" that you need to discover and then learn to love.

OP, you don't mention that you love your husband, only that you don't think he loves you. If you love him, keep trying.

[Anonymous]

If you want love, you will find it. I firmly believe that. But you must be open to the possibilities. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want love, you will find it. I firmly believe that. But you must be open to the possibilities. Good luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

This IS a meaningless trope. You should have stopped there. It's meaningless drivel. Plenty of people figure out who they are as they go along, often IN a marriage. Also, people change and grow. There is no one "you" that you need to discover and then learn to love.

OP, you don't mention that you love your husband, only that you don't think he loves you. If you love him, keep trying.

I disagree. Loving the true you means equipping yourself for change and growth with the most compatible person and environment. Those figuring it out along the way that rope others into their uncertainty add unnecessary risk to the wellbeing of their potential relationship. Nothing is guaranteed, not even life or death two dates we cannot control in life. We can agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

This IS a meaningless trope. You should have stopped there. It's meaningless drivel. Plenty of people figure out who they are as they go along, often IN a marriage. Also, people change and grow. There is no one "you" that you need to discover and then learn to love.

OP, you don't mention that you love your husband, only that you don't think he loves you. If you love him, keep trying.

I disagree. Loving the true you means equipping yourself for change and growth with the most compatible person and environment. Those figuring it out along the way that rope others into their uncertainty add unnecessary risk to the wellbeing of their potential relationship. Nothing is guaranteed, not even life or death two dates we cannot control in life. We can agree to disagree.

I also disagree. To phrase it different, if you dislike yourself, you’re also either going to a) distrust or b) desperately confident to someone who does. That’s not healthy and is no basis for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

This IS a meaningless trope. You should have stopped there. It's meaningless drivel. Plenty of people figure out who they are as they go along, often IN a marriage. Also, people change and grow. There is no one "you" that you need to discover and then learn to love.

OP, you don't mention that you love your husband, only that you don't think he loves you. If you love him, keep trying.

I disagree. Loving the true you means equipping yourself for change and growth with the most compatible person and environment. Those figuring it out along the way that rope others into their uncertainty add unnecessary risk to the wellbeing of their potential relationship. Nothing is guaranteed, not even life or death two dates we cannot control in life. We can agree to disagree.

I also disagree. To phrase it different, if you dislike yourself, you’re also either going to a) distrust or b) desperately confident to someone who does. That’s not healthy and is no basis for a relationship.

The above should read “desperately cling to.”

[Anonymous]

I had so much love to give, but nobody wanted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is going to sound like a meaningless trope. But it is 100% true that you must love yourself alone before expecting anyone else to love you alone. Searching for joy that only true love can bring attracts it in your environment. You can’t compromise on the woek you have to do for yourself to avoid fulfillment in others.

See whAt uou can salvage in your dumpster, or what should be added to it, or what you both need to free to purchase instead.

Yes, there is a future in love no matter where you stand in life. They all take work and some level of vulnerability and risk of failure.

This IS a meaningless trope. You should have stopped there. It's meaningless drivel. Plenty of people figure out who they are as they go along, often IN a marriage. Also, people change and grow. There is no one "you" that you need to discover and then learn to love.

OP, you don't mention that you love your husband, only that you don't think he loves you. If you love him, keep trying.

This.

I met my husband when I was 19. I’ve changed dramatically since then. But we’re still happily married.

I think this is the key to a happy marriage: do you love your husband? And, do you treat him with love?

Most women expect to be showered with love without actually showering their husband with love.

[Anonymous]

I really wanted love, but I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I eat for comfort and to soothe the really bad feelings, and this I’ve been fat for most of my adult life. So I haven’t been that attractive to potential partners. Lots of therapy, etc. but still have the pain and the unhealthy way of coping. I married a man who I thought would be a good partner...someone similarly wounded. Someone I thought I made happy. But he just turned his unhappiness on me once we married. He is miserable, angry, and unpleasant. He is living in some ways, like that he regularly cooks for us...he’s loving in actions. But he’s verbally unkind and gives us the silent treatment all the time. Not loving.

But we have a child and that is more love than I’ve ever known. No one has ever loved me so much nor have I ever loved so fully.

It’s not the kid of happiness I wished for, but it’s a love beyond my hopes. I just wish I could have give him a happier marriage to grow up in.