Good/bad coaches - development and ethical behavior

[Anonymous]

This is DC's second year on travel, same club, and DC is still young but not that young at U14. Big contrast between coach last year and this year. Both are good coaches when it comes to giving directions, having a mostly even temper and knowing the game. We are satisfied from that point but we've had some discussion about how the two coaches differ in team-building, morale and how they deal with individual players.

Last year, the coach made a lot of effort to make sure each player was valued and treated equally to a big extent. The best players started and played most of the game and the ones that were not as good played slightly less but there was a great sense that this was a team and wins were everyone's wins and losses were everyone's losses. Old coach did not tolerate any negative comments towards other players and if you said something you were automatically benched the next game.

The coach this year has a completely different approach and seems to have his favorites and seems to shun certain players. We were surprised he sent some of the less good players off to practice with a lower team a few times. That's not really promoting team bonding, and it sends a poor message to the rest of the players. Morale is horrible. The better players are allowed to insult the less good players with no consequence. The less good players presumably feel awful because we can see them at each game looking very dejected because they did not go in. The better players are sniping at each other too and one left the field in tears a few weeks ago after another one had an outburst directed at said tearful player.

This is normal team, not one of those elite teams.

DC, who has been in somewhere in the middle in terms of ability both years, is very upset by the whole thing. DC has no other activities right now other than soccer and used to really enjoy the team aspect of the sport and got along really well with the other players. Beyond the not very good ethical role modeling, it is impacting the soccer. The players don't pass the way they used to pass. They pass only to the "better" players instead of making the correct move which is to pass to the ones who are open and in the best position.

I get that different coaches have different styles and it's hard to find a coach that has everything but this is an emotional time for kids and we want him to be able to go to practice and feel good.

I don't even know if I have a question. Just not feeling great about this situation and not sure if anything can be done.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to the coach. If that doesn't improve things, then go to the club.

In terms of practicing with a lower team, is it when the coach is there or absent? My son's coach breaks the team in half when he is out and half goes to practice with a higher team and half goes to practice with a lower team. Or is it a punishment?

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. It's when the coach is there. The coach not splitting the team in half or dividing it in any other way. He just sends a few of the kids away with no explanation according to DC. It looks like punishment although DC has no sense they did anything wrong other than just not being as good as some of the other kids. The kids who are less good seem like they are working hard which in my book counts for a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is DC's second year on travel, same club, and DC is still young but not that young at U14. Big contrast between coach last year and this year. Both are good coaches when it comes to giving directions, having a mostly even temper and knowing the game. We are satisfied from that point but we've had some discussion about how the two coaches differ in team-building, morale and how they deal with individual players.

Last year, the coach made a lot of effort to make sure each player was valued and treated equally to a big extent. The best players started and played most of the game and the ones that were not as good played slightly less but there was a great sense that this was a team and wins were everyone's wins and losses were everyone's losses. Old coach did not tolerate any negative comments towards other players and if you said something you were automatically benched the next game.

The coach this year has a completely different approach and seems to have his favorites and seems to shun certain players. We were surprised he sent some of the less good players off to practice with a lower team a few times. That's not really promoting team bonding, and it sends a poor message to the rest of the players. Morale is horrible. The better players are allowed to insult the less good players with no consequence. The less good players presumably feel awful because we can see them at each game looking very dejected because they did not go in. The better players are sniping at each other too and one left the field in tears a few weeks ago after another one had an outburst directed at said tearful player.

This is normal team, not one of those elite teams.

DC, who has been in somewhere in the middle in terms of ability both years, is very upset by the whole thing. DC has no other activities right now other than soccer and used to really enjoy the team aspect of the sport and got along really well with the other players. Beyond the not very good ethical role modeling, it is impacting the soccer. The players don't pass the way they used to pass. They pass only to the "better" players instead of making the correct move which is to pass to the ones who are open and in the best position.

I get that different coaches have different styles and it's hard to find a coach that has everything but this is an emotional time for kids and we want him to be able to go to practice and feel good.

I don't even know if I have a question. Just not feeling great about this situation and not sure if anything can be done.

Come on man. You're making this up.

[Anonymous]

Really? Why would you say that? Is the behavior so outrageous? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

All true, DC may be on same team.

[Anonymous]

This is why my kid plays on a rec league.

All the soccer stuff I read on here is craziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? Why would you say that? Is the behavior so outrageous? Serious question.

Yes. I have never seen anything even close to this with three kids and almost twenty years of youth soccer at every level.

[Anonymous]

Can you elaborate PP? This is OP. What is so out of the norm? I have only one child and child has only played for two years so I don't know what seems off and what is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you elaborate PP? This is OP. What is so out of the norm? I have only one child and child has only played for two years so I don't know what seems off and what is normal.

1. clubs usually try for consistency vis a vis playing time- either their top teams are earn your spot or they are everyone plays (this is easier said than done)

2. a coach not stepping in when kids are fighting or favoring kids who belittle teammates is way past anything I've seen

3. pass the to the Italians is a joke, I've never actually seen a team do it

[Anonymous]

What haven't you seen?

Coach ignores it when players are insulting each other.
Coach sends a few players who are less good to practice with lower team without explanation.
Coach does not play lower players or gives them little playing time at U14.
Morale is bad overall because of this division which impacts how the team plays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you elaborate PP? This is OP. What is so out of the norm? I have only one child and child has only played for two years so I don't know what seems off and what is normal.

1. clubs usually try for consistency vis a vis playing time- either their top teams are earn your spot or they are everyone plays (this is easier said than done)

2. a coach not stepping in when kids are fighting or favoring kids who belittle teammates is way past anything I've seen

3. pass the to the Italians is a joke, I've never actually seen a team do it

Thank you.

1 What do you mean by earn your spot? Isn't that the same thing? That some kids don't get to play?
2 I don't think the coach favors kids who belittle other kids because they belittle other kids but the coach favors those kids in general so the coach doesn't seem to care. One kid hurls insults like crazy at other players yet the next game he played the entire time. Did not have to apologize, did not have to sit out of practice. No consequences. Sends a message to the team that the coach endorses the behavior.
3 It's U14. They do what the coach signals them to do and he's clearly given negative signals about including certain players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you elaborate PP? This is OP. What is so out of the norm? I have only one child and child has only played for two years so I don't know what seems off and what is normal.

1. clubs usually try for consistency vis a vis playing time- either their top teams are earn your spot or they are everyone plays (this is easier said than done)

2. a coach not stepping in when kids are fighting or favoring kids who belittle teammates is way past anything I've seen

3. pass the to the Italians is a joke, I've never actually seen a team do it

Thank you.

1 What do you mean by earn your spot? Isn't that the same thing? That some kids don't get to play?
2 I don't think the coach favors kids who belittle other kids because they belittle other kids but the coach favors those kids in general so the coach doesn't seem to care. One kid hurls insults like crazy at other players yet the next game he played the entire time. Did not have to apologize, did not have to sit out of practice. No consequences. Sends a message to the team that the coach endorses the behavior.
3 It's U14. They do what the coach signals them to do and he's clearly given negative signals about including certain players.

1. some coaches have players earn playing time based on game play, performance in practice, or just by being more skilled. At the extreme end, some kids don't play- woe to the backup keeper on one of these teams (I've seen a U11 backup keeper dressed and watching). On the other extreme some coaches try to play all kids the same minutes

2. regardless of motive, that's crappy coaching

3. again, that's crappy coaching

[Anonymous]

At U14, things get a bit more serious if you are doing travel. By u15, kids are either all in or they leave the sport or do lower level.

Is your team looking to become elite? If so and your kid is not on that page, you need to find a better team for your kid because remaining on the same team will only bring more problems.

BTW, I have never seen a boys or girls team with players who belittle. I have seen parents belittle players but not parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At U14, things get a bit more serious if you are doing travel. By u15, kids are either all in or they leave the sport or do lower level.

Is your team looking to become elite? If so and your kid is not on that page, you need to find a better team for your kid because remaining on the same team will only bring more problems.

BTW, I have never seen a boys or girls team with players who belittle. I have seen parents belittle players but not parents.

Christ, I see this all of the time. I tell my kids (both starters/fairly leadership types) to tell the badmouthers to knock the sh*t off. I tell them, look 'when a teammate f*cks up, they know it', they don't need other teammates yelling and trashing them during the game. A good leader tells them 'man, it's okay', and builds them up. Nobody plays better with an *sshole harping and yelling at them. I've been known to directly loudly compliment a player from the sidelines when an *sshole teammate loudly mouths off at them. It seems to snap them out of their sh*t behavior.

I have seen entire teams break down and start yelling at each other on the field. That's when you know your team has it in the bag.