Unrealistic hope for infant adoption?
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Anonymous
| I would really like to adopt a baby girl preferably biracial but would also be open to an African-American baby (we are an interracial family). However, I’m really concerned about in utero exposure to drugs and alcohol. And from reading this forum it seems that might be a tall order. Is adoption a viable option for what I’m looking for? |
Anonymous
| It is almost impossible to guarantee no exposure to drugs and alcohol. |
Anonymous
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You’ll never know. People aren’t always honest about their alcohol and or drug use. There is no way to tell at birth if the baby was exposed to alcohol in hydro and if so whether there will be any effects. So if you’re going to adopt you have to accept that you won’t know until long after birth. Some kids don’t show the effects until middle school years.
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Anonymous
This, you have to plan for the worst, hope for the best. I don't think we were told the truth. No regrets but you have to be prepared. |
Anonymous
| My friend worked in adoptions for a few years said 70% of the infants they place have FAS, they suspect the number is higher. |
Anonymous
| We are white and adopted an AA baby girl. She is now 8 and happy healthy and thriving. We belong to a transracial support group and none of the other kids have FAS. Yes there is risk, but I have 2 friends who gave birth to children with severe disabilities so it can happen that way too. Don’t let your fears get in the way if you truly know this is the way you want a family. |
Anonymous
This is not surprising. Going through pregnancy and knowing you have to give up your baby would be really psychologically difficult to handle. Most of the women doing this have no support while dealing with a very high stress emotional ordeal. |
Anonymous
seeing as you can’t tell in infants I don’t know how she came up with that number. I have lots of friends with adopted children. Only one with FAS was adopted at 6 mos from Russia. |
Anonymous
| Many issues don't show up until puberty. |
Anonymous
I highly doubt its 70% |
Anonymous
This. You'll probably have an easier change of adopting being bi-racial. Drug exposure is only one risk. I would also be worried about mental health history of bipolar and schizophrenia and other things. Your child birth or adoption can end up with serious issues and some might have been prevented, others not. |
Anonymous
| Adoptive mom here with lots of friends who adopted; FAS is not a big issue in my social group either. |
Anonymous
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I might be naive, but being AA I would expect fewer black babies to have FAS. The primary reason babies are given up for adoption in my experience is poverty, young mothers, too many baby daddies, etc. a lot of these girls cannot afford drugs or it is just not in the culture (the young dad smoking weed is more likely). A lot of AA interested in growing their family thru adoption try to go thru foster care. the competition for AA babies is a lot less than white infants, so the chance of finding a healthy kid just born into a bad situation is higher.
About 15 years ago my DH and I went to an interest meeting for an adoption firm in SC. There were about 30 couples there and only 2 of them were black. They set the expectation early on about timeline and international vs domestic babies and for specific race and biracial babies. We were targeted as soon as we got there and afterwards were told they had black babies available if we were really interested. We werent ready that soon and was just there getting info, and in the end went with a private lawyer who was working directly with a few young ladies. (I actually wouldn’t recommend that specific route because afterward we found out one they pressure and threaten the young mothers who try to back out and keep their baby) My kid is healthy and was born to a 17yo mother who already had 2 young kids. We were able to meet her beforehand. She chose us, and we know it was the hardest decision, but she gave us the best gift. |
Anonymous
Just the opposite for me. It’s huge in my social group and my DD is one of the few who does not have it. |
Anonymous
To this second poster, do you even have any experience with this, or are you just relying on stereotypes? I was diagnosed with bipolar well into my 30's, and now I no longer hold on to the negative stereotypes I once did. Get this, zero family history related to this for me. My kid will have maybe a 10% chance of bipolar (that's the percentage chance, for the child of a parent with bipolar). It's related to giftedness and creativity. You may not be aware, but many highly successful people have it, you just can't tell to look at us. Bipolar is highly treatable, and in many cases probably preventable, with good sleep hygiene, etc, and being lucky enough to avoid trauma. As someone with bipolar, I also know more about schizophrenia and feel that those negative stereotypes are also unwarranted. Just another thought to throw in, I was not adopted, had perfect care in utero, no family mental illness history, and still ended up with bipolar... And still, my life is great, I am content (and also happen to have a career and family life that checks all the boxes for what one can hope to achieve, too). To OP, I wish you best of luck with building your family through adoption. |