Any happy sexless marriages?

[Anonymous]

I’ve come to the realization that sex just isn’t going to be a thing for us anymore. Of course, I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage, but that is where I find myself. I’ve decided that the asking for sex, arguing about sex, feeling rejected, is over. I’m tired of feeling like this and I just have to accept that sex is just not a part of our relationship. So is it possible to have a happy marriage with no sex and no affection? Anyone here doing that?

[Anonymous]

No unless it's health related.

[Anonymous]

Not if you have one party who’s not happy about it. I think there are a lot where both partners don’t want to have sex, or only want to have it infrequently.

[Anonymous]

Sure, lots of us are. We get it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I have to imagine there are some parties where both are happy that way.

I would have no resentment and learn to take care of myself if my marriage became sexless due to a health reason and feel my spouse would do the same, but don’t think I could live with “I’m just not into you anymore” rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to imagine there are some parties where both are happy that way.

I would have no resentment and learn to take care of myself if my marriage became sexless due to a health reason and feel my spouse would do the same, but don’t think I could live with “I’m just not into you anymore” rejection.

I agree with you, the rejection would break my heart. After 36 years together we still take great joy in our sex life.

[Anonymous]

A friend appears to have one of those. He told me that he’s been having issues in that department since his early 40s, but his wife doesn’t mind - she was never much interested in sex. Otherwise they look OK, spend lots of time together and with kids, traveled a lot pre-COVID.

[Anonymous]

My guess is the people in happy sexless marriages are still affectionate and loving to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

[Anonymous]

Very very limited sex but still affection so that’s a little different and we are very happy - but it works for both. One libido was lowered drastically with medication that is necessary and one always had low libido

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I'm where you are OP. I am working on giving up on my hopes for a sex life (any sex life, let alone a fulfilling one).

If I can do that we would have a very comfortable, content, secure, warm, supportive, stable relationship. We have all of that now - I just miss feeling desirable and wanted.

I am better with it than I was a few years ago, but am not sure I can/will ever fully make peace with it - at least not until I'm in my 60s or older. (I'm currently mid 50's.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

Please get him to a cardiologists. Vascular issues affect the WHOLE system so the small arteries and veins throughout the body (heart, brain, lungs etc) need to be checked.

[Anonymous]

Sure! We’re both in our 70’s through and still very physically affectionate toward each other but my desire for sex left after menopause and his drive left a couple years ago. We privately joke about it. That said, however, when we were young we had a great sex life.