Any happy sexless marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

Please get him to a cardiologists. Vascular issues affect the WHOLE system so the small arteries and veins throughout the body (heart, brain, lungs etc) need to be checked.

PP you're responding to here. DH has been to a cardiologist and several other specialists. Unfortunately, there isn't anything to be done unless he wants penile implant. I told him would support his decision and that he should make it based on what he wanted, not what he though I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

Please get him to a cardiologists. Vascular issues affect the WHOLE system so the small arteries and veins throughout the body (heart, brain, lungs etc) need to be checked.

PP you're responding to here. DH has been to a cardiologist and several other specialists. Unfortunately, there isn't anything to be done unless he wants penile implant. I told him would support his decision and that he should make it based on what he wanted, not what he though I wanted.

viagra doesn’t help at all? I’ve had same issue, after turning 50 and it’s helped a tad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

Please get him to a cardiologists. Vascular issues affect the WHOLE system so the small arteries and veins throughout the body (heart, brain, lungs etc) need to be checked.

PP you're responding to here. DH has been to a cardiologist and several other specialists. Unfortunately, there isn't anything to be done unless he wants penile implant. I told him would support his decision and that he should make it based on what he wanted, not what he though I wanted.

My husband has a similar problem so there is no PIV but we have other ways of enjoying sex and some of that includes toys and a willingness to push the envelope a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the people in happy sexless marriages are still affectionate and loving to each other.

That's us. Unfortunately because of health problems my husband just doesn't really have much going on in the sex department anymore and hasn't for quite a while. I do miss that part of our lives a lot - but I still very much love him. We are very affectionate with each other. We have a nice life together. I sometimes forget that sex is a regular thing for a lot of people, which I guess is a good kind of forgetting if your options are throw open your life to scratch that one (extremely human) itch or make happy peace with what you do have.

Anyway, AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

Please get him to a cardiologists. Vascular issues affect the WHOLE system so the small arteries and veins throughout the body (heart, brain, lungs etc) need to be checked.

PP you're responding to here. DH has been to a cardiologist and several other specialists. Unfortunately, there isn't anything to be done unless he wants penile implant. I told him would support his decision and that he should make it based on what he wanted, not what he though I wanted.

viagra doesn’t help at all? I’ve had same issue, after turning 50 and it’s helped a tad

PP here. Oral medications were the first things he tried. He's also tried different types of injections into the penis, penis pump, etc. Nothing. The shots sound bad but really weren't. The needle is really thin and small. DH said he didn't even feel it. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for him to get a full erection nor to maintain what he had.

[Anonymous]

We have a happy sexless marriage. I love my husband and he loves me. We are good partners and enjoy each other’s company and do lots of fun things together. He is a great provider and a wonderful father to our two children. I love my extended family through marriage.

Do I wish that we had an enjoyable sex life? Of course. I was married briefly in my twenties to a different man where the sex was good, but the marriage wasn’t. All marriages are a compromise. I recognize that this is a trade off that I am willing to make for the other parts of my life that are wonderful. I have never regretted my decision to marry my husband and my life improved dramatically when I met him.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Sex is not the end all - be all.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Sex is not end all and be all at some point. There’s so much else there in the marriage, especially the shared history and other benefits.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a marriage that has been sexless for a couple years due to a midlife orientation change. I'm not going to swear it'll work forever, but for now it does. We're both open to dating other people and have dated other people casually, but our relationship/family is primary for both of us. We're affectionate, including physically, we just don't have sex.

Might not work forever, but that's true of relationships with sex, too.

[Anonymous]

We have a fairly sexless marriage but are better partners than most, and take care of each other. The lack of sex is partly due to him being on the spectrum and not able to engage emotionally the way I need. I'm hoping with therapy this will improve. But there are so many things more important than sex.

[Anonymous]

Female here, who is honestly not high libido. I'm a once or twice a week girl and even I don't think I could be happy in a totally sexless marriage. After a while, you start to feel and behave like roommates. Not a great marriage to model for kids. They need to see some love and affection between their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Seriously? What if your SO has ALS or something? Or cancer? You're going to give a cancer patient a hard time about not feeling sexual??

[Anonymous]

There's affection but not much sex in my marriage. Pre-pandemic we were down to probably once every 4-6 weeks. During the pandemic it's been once every 10 weeks or so.

This caused me a fair amount of distress for a few years. But I've more or less made my peace with it. My libido has been declining as I approach 50, I use porn a lot, and I've learned not to take her disinterest in sex as a reflection on my worth as a person.

The sex issue aside, we get along very well, joke a lot, have good kids, respect the hell out of each other, and all that good stuff. Just very limited sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's affection but not much sex in my marriage. Pre-pandemic we were down to probably once every 4-6 weeks. During the pandemic it's been once every 10 weeks or so.

This caused me a fair amount of distress for a few years. But I've more or less made my peace with it. My libido has been declining as I approach 50, I use porn a lot, and I've learned not to take her disinterest in sex as a reflection on my worth as a person.

The sex issue aside, we get along very well, joke a lot, have good kids, respect the hell out of each other, and all that good stuff. Just very limited sex.

+1 but I never took not interest in sex as reflection on me. There’s affection, respect, emotional support. There’s a lot of good in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's affection but not much sex in my marriage. Pre-pandemic we were down to probably once every 4-6 weeks. During the pandemic it's been once every 10 weeks or so.

This caused me a fair amount of distress for a few years. But I've more or less made my peace with it. My libido has been declining as I approach 50, I use porn a lot, and I've learned not to take her disinterest in sex as a reflection on my worth as a person.

The sex issue aside, we get along very well, joke a lot, have good kids, respect the hell out of each other, and all that good stuff. Just very limited sex.

This is basically my marriage. You think you will be faithful? I can't imagine "this is it" for me at age 47. The marriage is good but I am pretty sure I will cheat when the opportunity comes along.