Any happy sexless marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's affection but not much sex in my marriage. Pre-pandemic we were down to probably once every 4-6 weeks. During the pandemic it's been once every 10 weeks or so.

This caused me a fair amount of distress for a few years. But I've more or less made my peace with it. My libido has been declining as I approach 50, I use porn a lot, and I've learned not to take her disinterest in sex as a reflection on my worth as a person.

The sex issue aside, we get along very well, joke a lot, have good kids, respect the hell out of each other, and all that good stuff. Just very limited sex.

This is basically my marriage. You think you will be faithful? I can't imagine "this is it" for me at age 47. The marriage is good but I am pretty sure I will cheat when the opportunity comes along.

Different poster but two things happened in my marriage. First, my libido declined when I entered my 50s and we were able to meet in the middle, usually with scheduled sex that wasn't explicitly on the calendar but more likely a comment or two from my wife along the lines of "the klds will be away this Saturday night so we should enjoy the evening we have to ourselves." If she says that on a Tuesday I have it to look forward to all week and she's been good about follow through.

Just as importantly, I've let go of the resentment for the "lost years" when I was feeling at my peak and all the sex we didn't have. It truly doesn't matter any more and I don't look back.

[Anonymous]

I can say I would definitely not tolerate a sexless marriage. Sex is healthy and vital to showing love and affection to each other. DH and I are empty nesters, late forties and easily average 3 times a week now that there is zero chance of an interruption. I love the sound of DH showering in the afternoon because I know that in a few minutes he’s calling “Honey, can you come up here for a second?”

[Anonymous]

As long as the libidos of both partner matched sex is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

We’re happyish. I’d be much happier if he’d try to be intimate, ever. Definitely roommates, which makes him sad when i name our dynamic.

[Anonymous]

The genders need to be identified

Seems like women can be somewhat happy in a sexless marriage. Only one man has said he is sort of content and even they have sex occasionally.

Men with normal libidos can't sustain this. For most men their love language is touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The genders need to be identified

Seems like women can be somewhat happy in a sexless marriage. Only one man has said he is sort of content and even they have sex occasionally.

Men with normal libidos can't sustain this. For most men their love language is touch.

I’m a woman married to a man who never wants sex. We are in our 40s and have only been married a few years. It’s sad and pitiful and such a waste. He’s so attractive and we used to have an amazing sex life.

I used to try really hard to get him to have sex. Countless conversations about it. Would try to schedule it but then he would never follow through. He’s also not affectionate at all. I would have to ask for a hug. No playful touching or flirting. Chemistry completely gone.

So, last week, I made the decision to stop trying. No pecks on the cheek hello or goodbye. No mention of sex. No more asking for hugs, joking about sex, touching him. I’m 100% certain he didn’t even notice.

All this to say, women go through this too and it’s equally awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very very limited sex but still affection so that’s a little different and we are very happy - but it works for both. One libido was lowered drastically with medication that is necessary and one always had low libido

+1. We are also very loving and affectionate. We do everything together and make the other feels special in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No unless it's health related.

Why would this make a difference?

Are you that stupid?

DP. I'll bite. My DH began developing ED when he was in his mid-40s. By the time he was 50, he could no longer get an erection. It took DH a while to see a urologist but he did and made significant efforts to address it - to no avail. So, for the last 5 years, we've had no PIV. I'm willing to accept that because our lack of PIV was not a unilateral decision, we are affectionate with each other and we engage in other sex-related activities - not with the frequency we used to and usually at my instigation. But, DH is always responsive and an active participant.

Do I miss PIV? Sure, I do. We used to have incredible, frequent sex - best I ever had! If I were in my 20s/30s, no sex would be a dealbreaker for me no matter the reason. But, that's not where I'm at. DH is a great, considerate partner and if he could change the situation, he would. THAT is why a sexless marriage because of health reasons is different than a sexless marriage because one person, unilaterally, decided not to make an effort to meet the needs of his/her partner. It's a level of disregard that breaks a relationship. My DH has high regard for me and our relationship.

It's just that you are not educated on low libido, painful sex and a myriad of other reasons people don't have sex that makes you so ignorant on the subject.

I'm glad you came to terms with why you don't have sex but you are self righteous and think your reason is the only "good" reason.

Literally, is his tongue broken. That is what is said about low libido. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Fifteen years into a marriage to naturally low-libido DH, I decided this year to no longer make the lack of sex an issue or initiate in any way. This is best for our family now. I will not do this forever. The lack of compassion is actually critical. How can you refuse to try your best in this area for the person you supposedly love? I accept the "lost years" of my sensual expression as the sacrifice I had to make for my kids' welfare but when they leave home I will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The genders need to be identified

Seems like women can be somewhat happy in a sexless marriage. Only one man has said he is sort of content and even they have sex occasionally.

Men with normal libidos can't sustain this. For most men their love language is touch.

I’m a woman married to a man who never wants sex. We are in our 40s and have only been married a few years. It’s sad and pitiful and such a waste. He’s so attractive and we used to have an amazing sex life.

I used to try really hard to get him to have sex. Countless conversations about it. Would try to schedule it but then he would never follow through. He’s also not affectionate at all. I would have to ask for a hug. No playful touching or flirting. Chemistry completely gone.

So, last week, I made the decision to stop trying. No pecks on the cheek hello or goodbye. No mention of sex. No more asking for hugs, joking about sex, touching him. I’m 100% certain he didn’t even notice.

All this to say, women go through this too and it’s equally awful.

PP you are replying to. I am so so sorry you are going through this. A lot of people have no clue, they ask why don't you talk about it, to which I reply of course I and everyone else has had multiple conversations.

I give you a hall pass 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The genders need to be identified

Seems like women can be somewhat happy in a sexless marriage. Only one man has said he is sort of content and even they have sex occasionally.

Men with normal libidos can't sustain this. For most men their love language is touch.

I’m a woman married to a man who never wants sex. We are in our 40s and have only been married a few years. It’s sad and pitiful and such a waste. He’s so attractive and we used to have an amazing sex life.

I used to try really hard to get him to have sex. Countless conversations about it. Would try to schedule it but then he would never follow through. He’s also not affectionate at all. I would have to ask for a hug. No playful touching or flirting. Chemistry completely gone.

So, last week, I made the decision to stop trying. No pecks on the cheek hello or goodbye. No mention of sex. No more asking for hugs, joking about sex, touching him. I’m 100% certain he didn’t even notice.

All this to say, women go through this too and it’s equally awful.

Woman married to man. We had some issues in our marriage that led to me not wanting to have sex with him anymore. He was not interested in any touching or shows of affection, only straight up sex. We didn’t hug or kiss unless I went in for it. If he did that it meant he expected sex. He never complimented me and dismissed me on some big issues where in needed support. Sex became less and less frequent. He ended up having an affair. We are in the midst of divorcing. He thinks I was content in a sexless marriage which wasn’t the case. It’s not always about different libidos. Sometimes there are issues in the relationship that cause you to lose your desire for sex. Can’t tell you how many times I wanted to have sex during this time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's affection but not much sex in my marriage. Pre-pandemic we were down to probably once every 4-6 weeks. During the pandemic it's been once every 10 weeks or so.

This caused me a fair amount of distress for a few years. But I've more or less made my peace with it. My libido has been declining as I approach 50, I use porn a lot, and I've learned not to take her disinterest in sex as a reflection on my worth as a person.

The sex issue aside, we get along very well, joke a lot, have good kids, respect the hell out of each other, and all that good stuff. Just very limited sex.

This is basically my marriage. You think you will be faithful? I can't imagine "this is it" for me at age 47. The marriage is good but I am pretty sure I will cheat when the opportunity comes along.

Yeah, I'll be faithful. My distress about the situation is declining, and I take loyalty very seriously. Part of the reason I'm not more distressed than I am is because I know 100% that my wife has my back. Even if we're not having much sex, I can repay loyalty for loyalty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The genders need to be identified

Seems like women can be somewhat happy in a sexless marriage. Only one man has said he is sort of content and even they have sex occasionally.

Men with normal libidos can't sustain this. For most men their love language is touch.

I’m a woman married to a man who never wants sex. We are in our 40s and have only been married a few years. It’s sad and pitiful and such a waste. He’s so attractive and we used to have an amazing sex life.

I used to try really hard to get him to have sex. Countless conversations about it. Would try to schedule it but then he would never follow through. He’s also not affectionate at all. I would have to ask for a hug. No playful touching or flirting. Chemistry completely gone.

So, last week, I made the decision to stop trying. No pecks on the cheek hello or goodbye. No mention of sex. No more asking for hugs, joking about sex, touching him. I’m 100% certain he didn’t even notice.

All this to say, women go through this too and it’s equally awful.

Thank you. I’m in a similar dynamic with my husband. When I try to talk to girlfriends about it, they give sex tips. We’re so far past that. Not having sex is difficult, not being desired is something they can relate to in any way. The conversations tend to be more painful than helpful. You explained this very well. I’m sorry you’re going through it too.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a sexless marriage. I have ED. When we had sex DW would criticize me and shame me in bed, as I am less experienced. Criticism does not help with ED. VIagra doesn't help when I feel self-conscious and criticized. I would do oral but again I get criticized. Getting tips and requests are fine but being told to google it and that I should know and am pretending to be ignorant to get out of it is not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a sexless marriage. I have ED. When we had sex DW would criticize me and shame me in bed, as I am less experienced. Criticism does not help with ED. VIagra doesn't help when I feel self-conscious and criticized. I would do oral but again I get criticized. Getting tips and requests are fine but being told to google it and that I should know and am pretending to be ignorant to get out of it is not helpful.

Is it criticism or is she trying to guide you? She comes first and come as you are are both really good books. You might look at communication too. It sounds like you’re both really frustrated.