If you are in a long-term partnership and not marrying, what are your reasons?

[Anonymous]

I understand it’s different for everyone, but could it be financial, legal, inheritance, dislike the institution, just a piece of paper, too much trouble/money, or what?

I know several couples (even family) in long term relationships and can’t ask them (not that close) but I’m curious.

[Anonymous]

They don't want to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

I've often wondered too.

[Anonymous]

There’s no single reason. For my friend, it’s back taxes. For me, my partner never wanted to get married (and we are going to separate so I guess that’s for the best). Some people just aren’t interested in marriage. I seriously doubt I will ever get married.

[Anonymous]

I have no desire to marry until I am pregnant. I have considerable assets and feel like asking for a pre-nup is weird.

[Anonymous]

It's old fashioned, I don't need it, I have no desire to mix finances. That being said, I am considering it, but it seems like something old people really worry about.

[Anonymous]

I’m independently wealthy and a high earner. I already paid off one husband to get lost. I was afraid to divorce for fianancial and social reasons I remained in an abusive marriage. Never again. Ever.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the point.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. I’m good. If my SO truly wants to I will but what’s the point? Unless we are having children there isn’t a big deal. Our love is a lifetime love, marriage creates great expectations that can lead to great disappointments.

Should Oprah marry Stedman? What’s the point? She literally adopted a country of girls and can buy any ring she wants. It is about the security in the relationship that she has.

So when you ask yourself why, think of people like that.

Some people use a marriage as license to stop enjoying the relationship and downgrading the quality. Very few know how to make it truly beautiful. Not worth the risk to me at this point.

[Anonymous]

My live in partner and I are both 64 years old. Been together for about 9 years and have lived together since I retired 4 years ago.
She’s a widow and I’m divorced. We were also college sweethearts for 5 years, just couldn’t pull the trigger I guess.
I’ve asked her to marry me and she’s responded “why bother”.
We get along great and have plenty of money on both sides.
I’m happy but I still wouldn’t mind being married to her instead of just living together. Prenups are not an issue for either of us.

[Anonymous]

I dont understand the 'great expecitations lead to disapointments' part- that seems like a terrible way to lead your life generally, marriage certiicate or not

[Anonymous]

Been married once, don't see the point in marriage now since I have already done the kids thing. Also, I am cynical that marriage brings complacency and people get lazy, stop having sex and caring for each other. If that's what happens count me out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's old fashioned, I don't need it, I have no desire to mix finances. That being said, I am considering it, but it seems like something old people really worry about.

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Thought I would chime in even though my situation is a little different. My husband and I were together for 8 years before we got married. I would have been fine not getting married but it was important to my husband (he is from a more conservative background than I am). I was and still am very ambivalent about marriage-not ambivalent about my husband or our relationship (I love him dearly), but about marriage itself. My parents went through a very acrimonious, traumatizing divorce when I was a child and it really impacted my view of marriage. Plus, there weren't a lot of happy marriages in my family in general.

As an adult, I've seen a number of people get married because it was the "thing to do" and you still get a lot of societal approval from being married versus it being about the relationship itself. There are some women in particular who still seem to need to be married in order to feel complete-kind of a "checking off the boxes" sort of thing even if they are past the point of wanting to have kids. This is going to sound cold, but I look at marriage as a legal contract. Being married didn't make me feel closer to my husband and it didn't change how I saw our relationship but it did change how other people viewed us and how our relationship was perceived legally.

[Anonymous]

My partner entered into some risky financial dealings to get a family member out of debt. I want no legal part of that.