If you are in a long-term partnership and not marrying, what are your reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married once, don't see the point in marriage now since I have already done the kids thing. Also, I am cynical that marriage brings complacency and people get lazy, stop having sex and caring for each other. If that's what happens count me out

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand the 'great expecitations lead to disapointments' part- that seems like a terrible way to lead your life generally, marriage certiicate or not

Pop on into that thread about DW and infrequent sex. It is a thread filled with disappointment about very basic expectations. People get complacent on the basics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don't want to get divorced.

This. My parents had a horrible marriage that ended in divorce. I want to avoid the same. Also turned off of marriage after hearing all the horror stories about custody battles, financial ruin, lawyers, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50, he's 56. Adult children. No need to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand the 'great expecitations lead to disapointments' part- that seems like a terrible way to lead your life generally, marriage certiicate or not

Pop on into that thread about DW and infrequent sex. It is a thread filled with disappointment about very basic expectations. People get complacent on the basics.

Ok, but is that a function of the institution of marriage, or merely a long-term committed relationship? You're implying that people in long-term, committed relationships who are unmarried never get complacent or have disappointments. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand the 'great expecitations lead to disapointments' part- that seems like a terrible way to lead your life generally, marriage certiicate or not

Pop on into that thread about DW and infrequent sex. It is a thread filled with disappointment about very basic expectations. People get complacent on the basics.

Ok, but is that a function of the institution of marriage, or merely a long-term committed relationship? You're implying that people in long-term, committed relationships who are unmarried never get complacent or have disappointments. Give me a break.

Or, maybe the implication is that it’s easier to dissolve the relationship if they aren’t married.

[Anonymous]

We are both in our early 60’s so there is no reason to get married and deal with complicated finances and estate planning. Every month we both contribute the same amount to a joint account to pay all of our shared bills like housing, food, utilities, maintenance. We each pay for our own health insurance, cars, car insurance and other basic person specific stuff. If we go out to dinner we each pay half the time as it likely evens out. When we travel we both just put more into the joint account. It’s pretty simple but it really works.

[Anonymous]

Im in a long term partnership and have 2 kids. Not married b/c we started to deal with the pre nup and it was a headache and we just never dealt with it. I actually don't have a lot of assets now but I'll inherit between 5-10M through a trust my parents set up (yes i know inheritance is not martial property but its pretty easy to commingle) and they're annoying/protective (i mean that in a loving, thankful, grateful way) about it. After my first kid my dad and I set up estate planning that controls anything if i die before my kids or that deals with what happens after my parents die. But i kinda defer to my parents b/c its really not my money.

[Anonymous]

sorry i'm the above poster, to clarify of course estate planning deals with what happens if i die before my kids. I meant if die before my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im in a long term partnership and have 2 kids. Not married b/c we started to deal with the pre nup and it was a headache and we just never dealt with it. I actually don't have a lot of assets now but I'll inherit between 5-10M through a trust my parents set up (yes i know inheritance is not martial property but its pretty easy to commingle) and they're annoying/protective (i mean that in a loving, thankful, grateful way) about it. After my first kid my dad and I set up estate planning that controls anything if i die before my kids or that deals with what happens after my parents die. But i kinda defer to my parents b/c its really not my money.

I’m the poster who said she would think about getting married if I decided I wanted a child. This is the same thing for me, I don’t have a ton of assets (still more than most people my age though), but my significant other makes significantly less than me, has student loans, and has no assets. When my parents pass, I’ll inherit around two million. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do about housing? Do you rent or own? If you bought property, did you buy it together?

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced and in a long term partnership. Zero interest at all in ever remarrying. I raised my kids, am financially stable and don’t have any interest in complicating my life. My partner still has school aged children and is in a different financial situation that I am. I like having my own place to retreat to every so often, although we do spend most nights together. We have a great partnership but I’m perfectly fine without the piece of paper and without cohabitating.

[Anonymous]

Can someone who thinks its an old-fashioned institution comment? That's the sort of thing I might say (for instance, about women changing names) but I'm not sure why it applies in this case - unless it's about how it stems from women becoming their husbands' property?

[Anonymous]

My cousin never married. She had bought her own house before they got together. They had two children together but she said she never felt the need to marry. She saw the wedding as a wasted expense when she was paying off a mortgage.

She saw that they were committed, living together, having children together and a piece of paper didn't mean much. It lasted 15 years before they broke up.

The break up appeared easy, he moved out, they agreed on child care arrangements, the house was always hers and that was it. They didn't have a joint account so no money to fight over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a long term partnership and have 2 kids. Not married b/c we started to deal with the pre nup and it was a headache and we just never dealt with it. I actually don't have a lot of assets now but I'll inherit between 5-10M through a trust my parents set up (yes i know inheritance is not martial property but its pretty easy to commingle) and they're annoying/protective (i mean that in a loving, thankful, grateful way) about it. After my first kid my dad and I set up estate planning that controls anything if i die before my kids or that deals with what happens after my parents die. But i kinda defer to my parents b/c its really not my money.

I’m the poster who said she would think about getting married if I decided I wanted a child. This is the same thing for me, I don’t have a ton of assets (still more than most people my age though), but my significant other makes significantly less than me, has student loans, and has no assets. When my parents pass, I’ll inherit around two million. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do about housing? Do you rent or own? If you bought property, did you buy it together?

I own with my dad. It’s still kind of a headache but I guess there are worse headaches.

[Anonymous]

I am the poster w the inheritance. I will say people seem really curious about why we aren’t married. I typically say I dont see the point. Which is also true. I would never tell anyone about my finances and we live pretty modestly.