If you are in a long-term partnership and not marrying, what are your reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand the 'great expecitations lead to disapointments' part- that seems like a terrible way to lead your life generally, marriage certiicate or not

Pop on into that thread about DW and infrequent sex. It is a thread filled with disappointment about very basic expectations. People get complacent on the basics.

Looks like you ignored what we wrote. The husband gets lazy.

—A DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a long term partnership and have 2 kids. Not married b/c we started to deal with the pre nup and it was a headache and we just never dealt with it. I actually don't have a lot of assets now but I'll inherit between 5-10M through a trust my parents set up (yes i know inheritance is not martial property but its pretty easy to commingle) and they're annoying/protective (i mean that in a loving, thankful, grateful way) about it. After my first kid my dad and I set up estate planning that controls anything if i die before my kids or that deals with what happens after my parents die. But i kinda defer to my parents b/c its really not my money.

I’m the poster who said she would think about getting married if I decided I wanted a child. This is the same thing for me, I don’t have a ton of assets (still more than most people my age though), but my significant other makes significantly less than me, has student loans, and has no assets. When my parents pass, I’ll inherit around two million. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do about housing? Do you rent or own? If you bought property, did you buy it together?

I own with my dad. It’s still kind of a headache but I guess there are worse headaches.

So basically you don't get married, because you're already married to your Dad, and he's richer?

Hahaha. Sure. Good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's old fashioned, I don't need it, I have no desire to mix finances. That being said, I am considering it, but it seems like something old people really worry about.

Old people worry about it because if your loved one is in a hospital and you're not married, you have no rights to see them, get information about them etc. This was actually one of the driving arguments for the allowance of gay marriage.

[Anonymous]

My student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's old fashioned, I don't need it, I have no desire to mix finances. That being said, I am considering it, but it seems like something old people really worry about.

Old people worry about it because if your loved one is in a hospital and you're not married, you have no rights to see them, get information about them etc. This was actually one of the driving arguments for the allowance of gay marriage.

It’s fairly easy to appoint a POA. It could be anyone you choose.

[Anonymous]

No need.
Common law is good enough.

[Anonymous]

I have never married and never wanted to. In a long-term relationship, the one thing I would worry about is if one partner is sick or injured. If you get hit by a bus and are hospitalized, a long-term partner may not even be able to see you, let alone make decisions about your care. A spouse can. This is one of the reasons a right to same-sex marriage is so important.

For most other things, people just need to be organized. Who's the beneficiary on your 401(k), for example? If you own property together, how is it titled? You can contract around the rights that marriage confers, but you have to do it. I do worry that some people never set these things up and then leave their partner in a position that they didn't intend.

[Anonymous]

The marriage part just doesn't mean much to me. I don't need it, and I also have assets to protect. Our relationship is deeply fulfilling and works well for us the way it is.

[Anonymous]

We never saw the point for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need.
Common law is good enough.

Depends on the state whether it’s recognized.

[Anonymous]

I would say finances. In reality, after marrying, it was other people and their behavior that made me decide to strongly consider never remarrying more than finances-at least right now.

The insanity of being told that I was literally not my own person, needed to drop out of university/work to wait on my SO hand and foot was ridiculous. A lot of other things were much more degrading and obnoxious. I feel like I've been relegated to trophy status.

I'll add in an aggressive MIL and an entire extended family with enmeshment and boundary issues as a reason not to marry as the expectations changed and behavior worsened.

I think people in general treat you better unmarried. It has stopped or prevented zero sexual harassment, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say finances. In reality, after marrying, it was other people and their behavior that made me decide to strongly consider never remarrying more than finances-at least right now.

The insanity of being told that I was literally not my own person, needed to drop out of university/work to wait on my SO hand and foot was ridiculous. A lot of other things were much more degrading and obnoxious. I feel like I've been relegated to trophy status.

I'll add in an aggressive MIL and an entire extended family with enmeshment and boundary issues as a reason not to marry as the expectations changed and behavior worsened.

I think people in general treat you better unmarried. It has stopped or prevented zero sexual harassment, either.

I want to add that we went well over a decade and then married for health insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No need.
Common law is good enough.

Depends on the state whether it’s recognized.

Thankfully I'm a DC resident

[Anonymous]

Going on 14 years and one kid together, not married. It just works and can’t explain it.

[Anonymous]

He has kids from a previous marriage, I have kids from a previous marriage, and I don't think we can do Brady Bunch. Trying to do right by the kids.