When Bad Things Happen to Sanctimonious Mothers

[Anonymous]

Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Haven't noticed it.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t noticed this- possibly because I actually like my friends??

[Anonymous]

I mean, I can think of an example or two, but in general the people who have it all seem to just keep...having it all. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

I often see it when they have a second who is more difficult than the first baby.

[Anonymous]

I haven't noticed this at all. But I have very very few friends that were sanctimonious with their babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t noticed this- possibly because I actually like my friends??

+1 I've noticed bad things happening randomly to most if not all moms. There isn't a "your Insta post in 2015 bothered me" karma goddess taking revenge for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Moms who are really sanctimonious and smug are almost always covering for something. They are sharing their greatest successes (or the things they just got lucky with, like a great sleeper) specifically because they feel insecure about other stuff. The minute you realize this, they become easier to take because it's not about you. Just nod and say "Oh wow, it is amazing that your child has never even encountered a screen in its first four years of life -- congrats!" and then move along.

But I don't think these mom are then destined to have some parenting crisis befall them. I think thy'll deal with the same stuff everyone deals with. I just think it can be harder to deal with it if you are also dealing with insecurities and shame so intense you walk around trying to convince everyone that you are a parenting expert with all the answers. No one is! That's the great thing about it.

I find it easy to talk to and relate to other parents because I view us as all in this messy experiment together. If someone comes across something that "works" and I'm struggling, I'll try it! And I have no issue sharing both my challenges and my triumphs. It's normal. That's how friendship should work anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

Smug and sanctimonious have different meanings.

Schadenfreude is also just as bad so tread lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t noticed this- possibly because I actually like my friends??

THIS. IVe never used those words for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Haven't noticed it myself, but could be because the people who are most militant about that stuff (exclusive breastfeeding, sleep training or organic food or whatever) have mindsets that are not well-suited to parenting in later years, when issues get tougher and murkier.

Basically, if you tend to cling to strict rules (this is the only way to parent a child and every other way is wrong!), you do not have the flexiblity and understanding of nuance that is needed for say, parenting an older child or teen.

[Anonymous]

I had a really good sleeper to start, but both of my kids were within normal margins for behaviors and milestones. Very early readers, super-duper smart. I feel like I'm on a tightrope of good luck that can snap at any moment despite my efforts and good intentions. So I'm always quick to take compliments but attribute them to luck, genes or shrug my shoulders because I'm not a better Mom (by a long shot) than anybody else. One day my chickens will come home to roost, I think it's a matter of time and magnitude for all of us. Don't get cocky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

Smug and sanctimonious have different meanings.

Schadenfreude is also just as bad so tread lightly.

OP here, I know, believe me! I am definitely not happy at the misfortune of others, but I have to admit there is a tiny part of me that feels like a few people got what was coming to them. These aren't people I'm friends with, more like acquaintances or people in my extended network.

[Anonymous]

Yes, with just one woman. She attacked everyone for doing anything different than what she was doing with her child. I see now that she was just aggressively defensive and unhappy. And her child was tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t noticed this- possibly because I actually like my friends??

+1 I've noticed bad things happening randomly to most if not all moms. There isn't a "your Insta post in 2015 bothered me" karma goddess taking revenge for you, OP.

+1

OP, you sound sanctimonious actually.