When Bad Things Happen to Sanctimonious Mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see it OP. You mean that because a mother made her own baby food, breastfed until age 2 and co-slept, etc that their child will grow up to be an a-hole and that it serves the mom right? weird post.

Not just that they did these things, but did them BECAUSE it is universally the best way to parent, and explained to you (repeatedly) exactly why that is. Then they tried to make you feel bad about giving your baby formula or sleep training (or working out of the home, or not sending them to private school, or whatever).

Ding ding ding!!

[Anonymous]

Moms can be sanctimonious about all different types of things, not just breastfeeding, sleep training, etc. I have a friend who probably thinks I was sanctimonious about those things, but my side is: I just wanted to stay home with my baby and breastfeed and let her sleep when she wanted, but my friend kept telling me to use bottles! and ignore naps! and just take my baby out to coffee shops! Well no, I don't want to. It's not that I disagree with my friend and I'm "sanctimonious." I just have my way I want to do things and please stop bothering me to do them the "cool" "chill" way.

[Anonymous]

We have a specific way of doing things with our child. A few women I know are a bit more insecure (and not just about kid stuff!) and take the fact that you're doing some differently as a comment on what they're doing.

It is exhausting. It can be as simple as the fact that I went back to work after having a baby, and a friend did not. Soon after I had a baby, she asked me if I was going to stay home. I said no. She then spent weeks telling me why she stayed home, why it's actually better, why she didn't miss work, why her child is better off...etc. It's just pure defensiveness.

Gradually, I've grown away from these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms who are really sanctimonious and smug are almost always covering for something. They are sharing their greatest successes (or the things they just got lucky with, like a great sleeper) specifically because they feel insecure about other stuff. The minute you realize this, they become easier to take because it's not about you. Just nod and say "Oh wow, it is amazing that your child has never even encountered a screen in its first four years of life -- congrats!" and then move along.

But I don't think these mom are then destined to have some parenting crisis befall them. I think thy'll deal with the same stuff everyone deals with. I just think it can be harder to deal with it if you are also dealing with insecurities and shame so intense you walk around trying to convince everyone that you are a parenting expert with all the answers. No one is! That's the great thing about it.

I find it easy to talk to and relate to other parents because I view us as all in this messy experiment together. If someone comes across something that "works" and I'm struggling, I'll try it! And I have no issue sharing both my challenges and my triumphs. It's normal. That's how friendship should work anyway.

This. It's not that more bad things happen to sanctimonious parents. It might just be that you notice it more, because you're already primed to look for their failures because their sanctimony was so irritating. It might also be that they have a harder time with these things, because of the same underlying issues that caused the sanctimony -- rigidity, lack of humor and humility, insecurity, need to feel in control, etc. Whereas the parents who are already more flexible, humble, and relaxed are dealing with the same things, just in a more low-key way, so it doesn't register the same way.

I am the PP with teens and I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

I struggled when I was a new mom and I still struggle with 3 kids now.

I can only think of one mom I can’t stand. She is not my friend and I do follow her on social media. She tried to friend me and I declined.

Op, pick better friends. My friends all support one another.