When Bad Things Happen to Sanctimonious Mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a really good sleeper to start, but both of my kids were within normal margins for behaviors and milestones. Very early readers, super-duper smart. I feel like I'm on a tightrope of good luck that can snap at any moment despite my efforts and good intentions. So I'm always quick to take compliments but attribute them to luck, genes or shrug my shoulders because I'm not a better Mom (by a long shot) than anybody else. One day my chickens will come home to roost, I think it's a matter of time and magnitude for all of us. Don't get cocky!

OP here, I feel the same way! I had an easy baby and now an easy toddler and I am very careful not to get smug about it, because these things have a way of coming back around, as you said.

[Anonymous]

Why do you pay any attention to them? I know they aren't my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

Smug and sanctimonious have different meanings.

Schadenfreude is also just as bad so tread lightly.

No, schadenfreude is natural and delicious! It’s nature’s way of righting a wrong. Embrace it when it happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a really good sleeper to start, but both of my kids were within normal margins for behaviors and milestones. Very early readers, super-duper smart. I feel like I'm on a tightrope of good luck that can snap at any moment despite my efforts and good intentions. So I'm always quick to take compliments but attribute them to luck, genes or shrug my shoulders because I'm not a better Mom (by a long shot) than anybody else. One day my chickens will come home to roost, I think it's a matter of time and magnitude for all of us. Don't get cocky!

OP here, I feel the same way! I had an easy baby and now an easy toddler and I am very careful not to get smug about it, because these things have a way of coming back around, as you said.

PP here who said I noticed it more when they had a second, more difficult baby. Thank you for being this way. I had a colicky first baby and the sancta-moms were so awful about it. "well, I can put my kid down for a nap and they go right to sleep if I let them fuss for 30 seconds! try that!" as if I hadn't done that months ago and my baby didn't fuss for hours held or in a crib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

Smug and sanctimonious have different meanings.

Schadenfreude is also just as bad so tread lightly.

You made me smile. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you pay any attention to them? I know they aren't my friends.

NP here and it’s not always possible to avoid them. Especially when she’s married to your brother.

[Anonymous]

I’m noticing you’re extraordinarily mean and take pleasure from other people’s problems, OP.

[Anonymous]

This is my mil ... she is a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Op, you don’t not sound smug. It’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently I am noticing a direct correlation between the moms who are the most smug, sanctimonious, and braggy about the early stuff (breastfeeding, sleep training, etc etc) that end up in the worst situations or with a ton of problems with their kids as they get older. I found this kind of behavior really hurtful when I was a brand new mom, but now that I'm a few years removed from it, I can clearly see that these moms were clearly trying to compensate for something else with these ridiculous and mean behaviors. Kind of like how the couples that are the most show off-y on social media are often the ones with the worst relationships. Anyone else notice this?

Smug and sanctimonious have different meanings.

Schadenfreude is also just as bad so tread lightly.

No, schadenfreude is natural and delicious! It’s nature’s way of righting a wrong. Embrace it when it happens!

LOL!!

[Anonymous]

You’re creepy OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't noticed it myself, but could be because the people who are most militant about that stuff (exclusive breastfeeding, sleep training or organic food or whatever) have mindsets that are not well-suited to parenting in later years, when issues get tougher and murkier.

Basically, if you tend to cling to strict rules (this is the only way to parent a child and every other way is wrong!), you do not have the flexiblity and understanding of nuance that is needed for say, parenting an older child or teen.

This! At some point you have to let it go.

Mom of 20y.o, 18 y.o. and 7 y.o.

[Anonymous]

I do things my way, and I was pretty rigid due to PPA. At the same time, I don't care what you do with your kids, and I find it mind-boggling that you are waiting for me to misstep and fall. New moms were telling me that I should not try to breastfeed so hard, not not sleep train because they did, etc etc. My actions are not a judgement of yours, do what you see fit and leave people like me alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do things my way, and I was pretty rigid due to PPA. At the same time, I don't care what you do with your kids, and I find it mind-boggling that you are waiting for me to misstep and fall. New moms were telling me that I should not try to breastfeed so hard, not not sleep train because they did, etc etc. My actions are not a judgement of yours, do what you see fit and leave people like me alone.

Are you sanctimonious and mean to other mothers about their choices? If not then this thread isn't about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do things my way, and I was pretty rigid due to PPA. At the same time, I don't care what you do with your kids, and I find it mind-boggling that you are waiting for me to misstep and fall. New moms were telling me that I should not try to breastfeed so hard, not not sleep train because they did, etc etc. My actions are not a judgement of yours, do what you see fit and leave people like me alone.

Are you sanctimonious and mean to other mothers about their choices? If not then this thread isn't about you.

+1. It is totally about obnoxious people. Which is what makes this thread so ... interesting.