husband came out as non-binary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, when he does unravel his feelings on his identity, there is the possibility you need to prepare yourself that he may not want to stay with you in the long term.

Seriously. He is likely gay. Have you felt like maybe he was from the beginning? Get planning and get out. Don't make it political.

Lots of men who transition prefer to be with women.

Yeah, the husband is almost certainly not gay. The previous experimentation with wigs, the mid-life "discovery" of the new identity following marriage to a woman and kids fits into a specific typology that it is no longer politically correct to mention. I would not be surprised to hear that the husband was successful in a stereotypically masculine or male-dominated field. This pattern is unfortunately quite common and it usually ends with divorce and estrangement from family as the transitioner interprets any negative feelings (including/especially from children) as threats to the new identity. Some names that fit this pattern to a greater or lesser degree:

Caitlyn Jenner
Dierdre McCloskey
Kristin Beck
Michele Bettencourt

If OP is still reading this, she needs to make clear that she will put her needs and the needs of the children first, and how the husband wants to handle this is up to them, but only they can make choices about what is most important. I hope that leads to a happy, united family with or without transition, but OP needs to be frank from the get-go.

Hello,

As someone who has experienced a "somewhat" similar experience, and who was referenced by name above, my wife and I found a good path forward as I struggled through my transition. She was patient and didn't issue any ultimatums regarding the scope of my transition. We had many difficult conversations about our family (mainly our daughters). I listened to her words and looked deep into her loving and expressive eyes. Without her pushing me in any one direction, I "throttled myself back" and took my time to sort who I really wanted to be. In what must have looked like a very clumsy process, we both "rediscovered" what we loved most in each other. She now calls me MB and although I identify as a trans woman, I am my wife's husband. I am the father to my four daughters.

Our relationship is different and far from perfect. But, we are in love and with love comes compromise and effort and sacrifice. Our marriage has never been stronger. I wish I had a playbook I could offer. I wish you the best- Michele Bettencourt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, when he does unravel his feelings on his identity, there is the possibility you need to prepare yourself that he may not want to stay with you in the long term.

Seriously. He is likely gay. Have you felt like maybe he was from the beginning? Get planning and get out. Don't make it political.

Lots of men who transition prefer to be with women.

Yeah I’ve never quit understood that concept: “I like women, but need to become a woman so I can be with a woman. “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, the husband is almost certainly not gay. The previous experimentation with wigs, the mid-life "discovery" of the new identity following marriage to a woman and kids fits into a specific typology that it is no longer politically correct to mention. I would not be surprised to hear that the husband was successful in a stereotypically masculine or male-dominated field. This pattern is unfortunately quite common and it usually ends with divorce and estrangement from family as the transitioner interprets any negative feelings (including/especially from children) as threats to the new identity. Some names that fit this pattern to a greater or lesser degree:

Caitlyn Jenner
Dierdre McCloskey
Kristin Beck
Michele Bettencourt

If OP is still reading this, she needs to make clear that she will put her needs and the needs of the children first, and how the husband wants to handle this is up to them, but only they can make choices about what is most important. I hope that leads to a happy, united family with or without transition, but OP needs to be frank from the get-go.

Hello,

As someone who has experienced a "somewhat" similar experience, and who was referenced by name above, my wife and I found a good path forward as I struggled through my transition. She was patient and didn't issue any ultimatums regarding the scope of my transition. We had many difficult conversations about our family (mainly our daughters). I listened to her words and looked deep into her loving and expressive eyes. Without her pushing me in any one direction, I "throttled myself back" and took my time to sort who I really wanted to be. In what must have looked like a very clumsy process, we both "rediscovered" what we loved most in each other. She now calls me MB and although I identify as a trans woman, I am my wife's husband. I am the father to my four daughters.

Our relationship is different and far from perfect. But, we are in love and with love comes compromise and effort and sacrifice. Our marriage has never been stronger. I wish I had a playbook I could offer. I wish you the best- Michele Bettencourt.

Wow, Michele Bettencourt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, when he does unravel his feelings on his identity, there is the possibility you need to prepare yourself that he may not want to stay with you in the long term.

Seriously. He is likely gay. Have you felt like maybe he was from the beginning? Get planning and get out. Don't make it political.

Lots of men who transition prefer to be with women.

Yeah I’ve never quit understood that concept: “I like women, but need to become a woman so I can be with a woman. “

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22005209/