Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I have three children 5 and under and a DH that works long hours and travels but I don't see the problem. He is taking a lot of paternity leave. I'd really rather he had gone back to work by that point already.

I can handle DH around all day for the first couple weeks but after that I just want to get back to my routine.

I also have 3 under 5 and would probably feel similarly at this point. I would likely be rolling my eyes a bit at the Vegas part but I’d be lining up my next girls trip (or even solo vacation).

NP and I feel the same. I would roll my eyes at DH for this but honestly it’s just a weekend. It gets harder to see friends when you have little kids and I’m happy when the boys plan something.

Also my DH had zero paternity leave with our kids so I managed by myself quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

How many babies have you given birth to and breastfed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the real issue here? You list a bunch of things, but what's the deepest one?

Is it the money?

Is it the crushing responsibility of a newborn + toddler?

Or is it just....anger that he is able to have an independent life in a way that you can't as a postpartum nursing mom?

Answer that question and then it will be clearer how to move forward.

I’m annoyed by all aspects of the above. But I think my top 2 are: money (can’t we put that $3k or whatever it’ll cost for that trip toward doing something nice as a family later on?) and the fact that I can’t have the freedom to just leave the newborn and do whatever the hell I want for a weekend right now. Not that I’d want to leave my baby right now, but I feel like he must not appreciate all the work I’m doing and don’t feel supported when he apparently thinks he should be able to do a Vegas trip right now.

Also- he went to Vegas 4 months ago for a leisure trip

Then it’s a hard no, and don’t feel bad. I would give my husband a day off, but not 48 hours and NOT a few months after a separate Vegas weekend.

[Anonymous]

I’d be fine with it if it’s only for a weekend. I don’t see a problem with it.

This is how I would be normally but with Covid it’s a hard no. And not crazy that he just did this a few months ago (when Covid was less of a concern.)

[Anonymous]

So many snowflake women here. It's a few days. if you can't handle your 2 kids for a few days you should not have had a 2nd one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband left me for a week when my second was three weeks old. I ended up with mastitis and I still resent him for it. I think it’s what led us to get therapy.

His was supposedly for work but I am convinced he could have gotten out of it.

You are needy. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

There’s a difference between “can manage” and “this is a good idea.” If OP’s DH were the only man with the skills to blow up the meteor coming for Earth, obviously she’d manage without him. If her DH wanted to spend a weekend napping and watching TV, obviously she shouldn’t have to be solo with a toddler and a newborn to accommodate that even if she “could” do it. The question is where on the spectrum this falls.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a twin and his mother got her masters while taking care of the twin babies. She said it was perfect timing since babies sleep at lot.

When his mom went back to work (teaching) she and my husband's dad worked opposite shifts -- she taught 1st grade daytime and his dad worked 2nd shift at an international company. It worked perfectly and his parents never got on each others nerves since they didn't see each other much!

OP, Let the husband go, and in 3 months you can take your girls' trip.

[Anonymous]

2 Vegas trips in 4 months? Is he going on bachelor party trips or what? Tbh I’d be judging my DHS taste level at that point

[Anonymous]

Yeah I don’t see the big issue. It’s just a weekend trip. I’m giving birth to #3 in a few weeks and don’t mind Dh going away on paternity leave. In fact it’s kind of fun to be with the kids by ourselves. We order takeout and eat on the family room floor and watch movies. I never found infants that hard though and Dh doesn’t take advantage of me daily. He appreciates me. I go on girls trips too and leave him with the kids. It’s healthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Do others’ husbands ask to do similar things when their wife is on maternity leave? Did I marry a jerk?

Yes. You married a jerk. Since you procreated with him, he got you by the short hair. Sorry, but he is a trash DH and a trash father.

Plan your exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many snowflake women here. It's a few days. if you can't handle your 2 kids for a few days you should not have had a 2nd one.

Says the loser man.

The kids belong to both parents. The mom does not have the sole responsibility to take care of the children. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many snowflake women here. It's a few days. if you can't handle your 2 kids for a few days you should not have had a 2nd one.

Says the loser man.

The kids belong to both parents. The mom does not have the sole responsibility to take care of the children. Ugh.

Sure if he was off working or doing something necessary, no problem. Hanging w the boys in Vegas? Hard pass. You’re a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.