Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he should be able to get some me time on his paternity leave but a weekend across the country sounds awful. He shouldn’t have asked for that, especially if he didn’t offer to arrange help with the kids. But he taking just might not know a) how difficult it would be to take care of the kids in this situation and b) that not considering the burden it places on you is indeed selfish. So I would do my best to be understanding. Easier said than done though, especially when you’re taking care of a newborn.

I can’t believe he wouldn’t know the strain this would place. IMHO, it would’ve been a crappy ask with “just” an 8 week old newborn. Given that this is their second kid, it’s inconceivable be doesn’t know the amount of work it is to look after a newborn.

Also, the posts stating that OP should tell DH to take the 3 year old are insane right now. There’s evidence out of Australia that unvaccinated people can contract the Delta variant within 5-10 seconds. You want OP to consent to putting her unvaxxed child on a 4 hour flight plus airport time PLUS VEGAS? Wth. No. I’m clearly more risk averse, but covid alone plus an unvaxxed kid would be enough to make me lose it at DH for this question.

I'm pretty sure the PPs suggesting this didn't literally mean that he should take his 3 year old on a gambling trip with drinking and late nights to Vegas with his adult buddies. It was a potential sarcastic response to his ridiculous request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?

He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.

Oh, okay. Then OP should give her DH a heads up that she's going to spend her maternity leave taking a few classes at the local community college. It's what she wants and that's life. Her DH will just need to arrange his life so that he can be with their two children during her classes because she can do whatever she wants. It's nice she gave him a heads up instead of just assuming he'd be home to provide 100% of the childcare during that time, actually.

+1. I informed my husband that my 6 boyfriends are coming over after dinner for some recreational time. I can do whatever I like. It may not be convenient for him, but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had baby #2 and DH and I are at home on parental leave with a 3.5 year old and a 4-week old. A couple of DH’s friends are going to Vegas for a weekend in a month and he wants to join them. I said no and that it seems pretty selfish and now he is acting cold. Seriously, what gives? Should he be able to go to Vegas and stick me with a newborn who is nursing around the clock and a 3 year old? I don’t understand why he would even ask. I doubt he’d want me to go for a weekend with friends and leave him with a new baby and a preschooler…
Has anyone else ran in to this? Am I the jerk for not letting him go blow a bunch of $$ in Vegas with his buddies while we are on leave?

He really doesn't need permission. He can do whatever he wants. It may not be convenient for you, and you don't have to like it, but that's life.
It's nice he gave you a heads up.

Oh, okay. Then OP should give her DH a heads up that she's going to spend her maternity leave taking a few classes at the local community college. It's what she wants and that's life. Her DH will just need to arrange his life so that he can be with their two children during her classes because she can do whatever she wants. It's nice she gave him a heads up instead of just assuming he'd be home to provide 100% of the childcare during that time, actually.

Why wouldn’t she take a class?

Both my BFF and I got our masters when are kids were young since we were home anyway. You can read while the baby is nursing and the kids are napping. You are kind of stuck in the house for hours.

My class was 2 nights a week and hers was Saturday morning for 4 hours.

[Anonymous]

DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

[Anonymous]

Some of the PP here are jerks. Not everyone has easy newborns. I had two under 2 including one that was colicky and I probably would’ve murdered my husband if he had asked. He skipped a wedding at two weeks postpartum of one of his good friends (a friend of mine as well) because it was cross country, I was drowning and he would’ve felt guilty AF the entire time. Wish it wasn’t the case but you only get this time once

[Anonymous]

I’m amazed this guys has the balls to ask! My DH is no angel and quite the masculine man type who does nothing around the house, but he would never dream of doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's horribly selfish to ask if OP would be okay with him going, as long as he says "I would COMPLETELY understand if you don't want me to."

My DH had 6 weeks of paternity leave and I had 4 months of maternity leave. When he went back to work, I was extremely ready for him to go. I'm glad we all had that time together, but his personality is that he likes to be doing things all the time, and he really struggled with the pace of parental leave and of a newborn. He was great -- changed lots of diapers, gave me lots of breaks, cooked dinners, cleaned, etc. But he also just had the antsy energy that eventually started driving me a bit crazy. I started really encouraging him to take time to go out to exercise just to get him to work off some of that energy. Otherwise he'd wind up pestering me too much about going to do things or being bored, and just.. no.

So I could actually see a situation where I might say "Yes, go!" if he asked to do something like this. But it would really need to be presented as "I do not feel entitled to this in any way but the opportunity is there and I wanted to see how you felt about it." And if I was terrified of being alone with the kids for that time, or if I was just flat out exhausted already just not up to going solo for a few days, I would expect him to happily let his friends he couldn't make it, no guilt trip on me. I think that's what bugs me about the way it sounds like he asked and about some of these responses -- the idea that it's unreasonable for OP to not want him to go. Of course that's not unreasonable! She just had a baby and she has a preschooler running around, and it doesn't sound like she has any other help. The default should be he stays and helps, and only if the stars align should he even contemplate going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be fine with it if it’s only for a weekend. I don’t see a problem with it.

Me too. My DH worked opposite shifts when my kids were that age and I was back at work. It would not offend me one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is your intimate life? Vegas is not just about gambling.

I just had a baby. But I’m not worried about this and his friends are also happily married

LOL

Kay 👌🏼

[Anonymous]

The focus here on paternity leave is a distraction. This is a weekend trip. It is up to OP whether she is ok with it. Clearly she isn’t.

That said, the other way to handle this is to tell the husband that he can indeed go on the trip, but he has to line up a sitter/nanny/night nurse to take care of all of the stuff that the wife needs while he is gone. Not only the level of effort to find the help, but the expense, might give him second thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because I have three children 5 and under and a DH that works long hours and travels but I don't see the problem. He is taking a lot of paternity leave. I'd really rather he had gone back to work by that point already.

I can handle DH around all day for the first couple weeks but after that I just want to get back to my routine.

[Anonymous]

My DH went on a weekend golf trip with his dad and a couple coworkers around that time after we had our second. I was fine with it.

If he wanted to go to Vegas to drink and gamble, I don’t know…I would not have been thrilled. I like bonding as a family after a baby is born and while I think it’s great for parents to have some space to continue with hobbies etc. a party trip on paternity leave is a bit extra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's because I have three children 5 and under and a DH that works long hours and travels but I don't see the problem. He is taking a lot of paternity leave. I'd really rather he had gone back to work by that point already.

I can handle DH around all day for the first couple weeks but after that I just want to get back to my routine.

I also have 3 under 5 and would probably feel similarly at this point. I would likely be rolling my eyes a bit at the Vegas part but I’d be lining up my next girls trip (or even solo vacation).

[Anonymous]

Do you have family nearby to help you?
My DH had a Bachelor's party to go on the west coast when DD was just a month old. Frankly, I wanted him to go and have fun with his friends so I encouraged him to go. My mom came to stay with me while DH was gone.

If a similar opportunity presented it self I would hope that my DH would also want me have fun with my friends.