Describe the most spoiled lazy human you know well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She clips her toenails on the sofa but won't vacuum up the clippings. After that, without washing her hands, she'll dig into a bag of potato chips. Some of the snack crumbs she brushes off with her hand or flicks off onto the floor. My faith in humanity is at an all time low.

oh that is nasty!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am probably that person. A gravy train riding SAHM with grown kids.

I recently got a job and I quit within weeks because it was boring and stressful at the same time. All I could think that working was a bigger waste of my time than wasting my life lazing around at home.

Working is soul sucking and I like to be with my family

For you. My work is important, energizing and fun. I love my time with my family, but I am grateful that I work with amazing co-workers, and our work makes a direct and positive difference in the world.

I hope you can at least find a volunteer position. I know I couldn’t “laze around at home” and be happy and fulfilled.

For you too. I am perfectly happy and content lazing at home. Like 100%.

But aren’t your husband and grown kids…at work? I mean, they can’t possibly have that much time to “be with family.”

Sure. But I actually like lazing around at home. And when they get back, I am rested and happy to see them.

As for volunteering? Why would I do that? I like my leisurely existence. Also, I have by and large lived a life where I have made lots of good decisions and did the requisite hard work. So now I have a lot of leisure time. It is a reward for me. Why would I now spend my time serving people who did not make the good decisions? My laziness and my ability to indulge my laziness is not a curse. It is a gift!!

[Anonymous]

You OP. Next topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You OP. Next topic

+1, this can go in a whole other direction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband, hands down. He hasn't held a job in years and only wants to work on his hobbies and do odd jobs for money, but won't help out around the house and barely helps with the kids. He used to out earn me by at least double, but he says he's done with working. He's not even 40 yet. He doesn't seem depressed. He does nothing all day while I work, usually simultaneously helping my youngest with online school, take kids to soccer, then make dinner, etc, put kids to bed, then he wants sex, and then gets upset with me because I'm not enthusiastic enough during it. I hate to have to divorce, but looks like I'm going to need to for my own sanity.

That's nervy of him!

Tell him you've decided you are also done with work just to see his reaction!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think showing self-awareness (if you believe that your work ethic could be improved, for example) is a great first step and indicates that you aren't completely "spoiled," if you are at all. "Spoiled" people tend not to be aware of the impact of their behavior on others. Plus, people can sometimes be the most harsh judges of themselves, so it might not necessarily be true.

Instead of criticizing yourself with negative labels, why not focus on what you need to do or do differently? I recommend prioritizing making sure that your behavior isn't negatively affecting others' or your well-being (most importantly health) or finances. Once that is taken care of, you can work on the other stuff.

If you feel comfortable sharing more about aspects of your behavior that you'd like to change, people can give more helpful, specific advice.

Also, if you have trouble getting stuff done, have you ruled out the possibility of a health issue? It could be a condition causing fatigue, depression, ADHD, etc. Symptoms of depression and ADHD can sometimes look like laziness to people who don't know what's going on.

Good luck!

OP. Thanks, I do have depression and ADHD but the world does not really care about this as it only comes across as so many excuses. It limits my life tremendously, but it is no comfort knowing that.

Are you me, OP?

Throw in some intense anxiety and you’ve described me. Yes, there’s a bit of comfort knowing there’s a reason why I’m unable to “cut it” but at the end of the day, I’m a burden to the people around me who have to work extra to pick up my slack.

[Anonymous]

My boss. I’m a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I might be that person. I work at a responsible job but have fallen far short of my potential.

me too. i'm the most spoiled lazy person ever. how i ever ended up with the most beautiful wife, amazing kids and a million dollar income amazes me.

Troll-city baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was lazy, because I spent a lot of time doing things like DCUM instead of dishes or cleaning. My house was a wreck and my husband was doing way more than his fair share of work. (I'm a SAHM)

But then I learned more about my anxiety and ADHD and worked to deal with them, and I'm like a different person. I have a mostly healthy dinner on the table every night, I keep the house decently clean, I work on house projects to make it nice, I do all the little things like paying bills and taking care of the car, I make DH breakfast and lunch if he is working from home, etc. (I also do lots of activities with my kids but I always did that.) I still don't think I contribute as much as DH to our marriage, and that bothers me, but since he works so much I think the only way that will change is if he gets a different job.

My therapist friend says she doesn't believe in the concept of lazy, she just thinks that people don't know how to cope with their mental issues (ADHD, trauma, anxiety, depression, etc).

Not that mental issues excuse a failure to be a dependable partner or parent, but I think attributing that failure to an immutable personality trait and dismissing the person as lazy is an inaccurate way of looking at the situation.

Agree it’s undiagnosed mental issues and unmanaged diagnoses and symptoms. Good for you for managing yours and improving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You OP. Next topic

DP. What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

Wow, I know these people, and I’d think they were the same people, except the ones I know all have self-diagnosed “fibromyalgia” and/or “chronic fatigue syndrome.”

[Anonymous]

The entire Trump family

[Anonymous]

OP I just saw that you have issues with ADHD and depression.

I know advice can be awful, but if you are emotionally/mentally ready for it and interested, this book was a huge help. You are so right that the world just doesn’t have tolerance or understanding for people with ADHD and it is demoralizing (and makes depression worse).

ADHD Pro: Sustainable Productivity for People with ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/B096LS2PYS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_Z1F7N4SNXHYMGVEV6X01

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was lazy, because I spent a lot of time doing things like DCUM instead of dishes or cleaning. My house was a wreck and my husband was doing way more than his fair share of work. (I'm a SAHM)

But then I learned more about my anxiety and ADHD and worked to deal with them, and I'm like a different person. I have a mostly healthy dinner on the table every night, I keep the house decently clean, I work on house projects to make it nice, I do all the little things like paying bills and taking care of the car, I make DH breakfast and lunch if he is working from home, etc. (I also do lots of activities with my kids but I always did that.) I still don't think I contribute as much as DH to our marriage, and that bothers me, but since he works so much I think the only way that will change is if he gets a different job.

My therapist friend says she doesn't believe in the concept of lazy, she just thinks that people don't know how to cope with their mental issues (ADHD, trauma, anxiety, depression, etc).

Not that mental issues excuse a failure to be a dependable partner or parent, but I think attributing that failure to an immutable personality trait and dismissing the person as lazy is an inaccurate way of looking at the situation.

Agree it’s undiagnosed mental issues and unmanaged diagnoses and symptoms. Good for you for managing yours and improving.

Thank you, that really means a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother would probably fit the bill, at least when I was growing up. She didn't work for most of my childhood , though taught a college class every once in a while. I guess she harbored dreams of finishing her PhD but never happened. My dad was a professor so we were not wealthy but somehow we had a live in housekeeper (Mon thru Fri) so my mom never cleaned and rarely cooked. When I was a tween I had a local college student drive me to my ballet classes most afternoons My dad was very hands on despite a busy job. He'd do all mornings, drive us around weekend etc. My mom slept a ton, would fritter time away, was very disorganized. I don't have memories big her doing stuff with us. She was either sleeping or brooding or in a rage. But then she might spend four days preparing an elaborate dinner party for 18, and would be frenzied, euphoric, stressed and then would withdraw for a week. When my dad left her, I took care if her. Cooked, cleaned, organized my rides until I could drive, etc

It's very sad. My mom was a brilliant student and could have been a brilliant no professor (speaks multiple languages, reads scholarly books lrb etc all the time) but she has deep seated mental health issues (borderline, deep depression and anxiety) probably should not have had kids . I don't recall a single time that I've gone to get for support. From the outside it looks lazy but she was incredibly unhappy. Not surprisingly my brother married someone similarly dysfunctional who doesn't work

You sound really grounded and kind. I'm sorry for your mom's issues and their effect on you.