Describe the most spoiled lazy human you know well.

[Anonymous]

I used to think I was lazy, because I spent a lot of time doing things like DCUM instead of dishes or cleaning. My house was a wreck and my husband was doing way more than his fair share of work. (I'm a SAHM)

But then I learned more about my anxiety and ADHD and worked to deal with them, and I'm like a different person. I have a mostly healthy dinner on the table every night, I keep the house decently clean, I work on house projects to make it nice, I do all the little things like paying bills and taking care of the car, I make DH breakfast and lunch if he is working from home, etc. (I also do lots of activities with my kids but I always did that.) I still don't think I contribute as much as DH to our marriage, and that bothers me, but since he works so much I think the only way that will change is if he gets a different job.

My therapist friend says she doesn't believe in the concept of lazy, she just thinks that people don't know how to cope with their mental issues (ADHD, trauma, anxiety, depression, etc).

Not that mental issues excuse a failure to be a dependable partner or parent, but I think attributing that failure to an immutable personality trait and dismissing the person as lazy is an inaccurate way of looking at the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was lazy, because I spent a lot of time doing things like DCUM instead of dishes or cleaning. My house was a wreck and my husband was doing way more than his fair share of work. (I'm a SAHM)

But then I learned more about my anxiety and ADHD and worked to deal with them, and I'm like a different person. I have a mostly healthy dinner on the table every night, I keep the house decently clean, I work on house projects to make it nice, I do all the little things like paying bills and taking care of the car, I make DH breakfast and lunch if he is working from home, etc. (I also do lots of activities with my kids but I always did that.) I still don't think I contribute as much as DH to our marriage, and that bothers me, but since he works so much I think the only way that will change is if he gets a different job.

My therapist friend says she doesn't believe in the concept of lazy, she just thinks that people don't know how to cope with their mental issues (ADHD, trauma, anxiety, depression, etc).

Not that mental issues excuse a failure to be a dependable partner or parent, but I think attributing that failure to an immutable personality trait and dismissing the person as lazy is an inaccurate way of looking at the situation.

No, “lazy” is a thing. It’s just a not very nice way of saying “low energy, low motivation person”

I know several people who fit the descriptions in this thread. I don’t consider it a moral failing unless the person in question employs manipulative or exploitative tactics that harm others to get their indulgent “needs” met.

However all of this is not to contradict you entirely- yes, there are some people whose fatigue or lack of motivation or procrastination is mental health based.

[Anonymous]

She clips her toenails on the sofa but won't vacuum up the clippings. After that, without washing her hands, she'll dig into a bag of potato chips. Some of the snack crumbs she brushes off with her hand or flicks off onto the floor. My faith in humanity is at an all time low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a cousin whom I truly love who fits this description. It took her over 5 years to finish undergrad at her private college (her parents paid all her educational costs). She then went straight to grad school, finished, did an internship for maybe 6 weeks (this is the only time she ever worked, other than occasional babysitting) before her fiancée accepted an out of state fellowship. She quit and moved with him, planned their wedding then promptly got pregnant. Her parents financially helped her while her husband finished his residency and fellowship, including paying for a night nurse/nanny for about the first year of each kids’ life. She put all three kids in full-day school as soon as they were old enough and kept them in aftercare. She sleeps in, naps, hangs out with friends, then order Uber-eats most nights. Her husband does at least 50% of childcare even though he’s a practicing doctor and she SAH. Her parents pay for whatever “extras” she wants that her husband can’t/won’t buy.

She’s super sweet and I love her dearly, but every time we’re together I’m blown away that she doesn’t do more (like take her kids on outings) with all her spare time.

Jealous much? She doesn't sound spoiled lazy, more like lucky and rationally taking advantage of that.

NP. Are you seriously defending someone for literally taking advantage of their spouse, who makes their secure lifestyle possible, works hard, and then does 50% more childcare and household duties on top of that?

Imagine instead of talking about a lazy wife and a working/parenting/housekeeping husband we were talking about a lazy husband and a working/parenting/housekeeping wife. I’ll bet you’d have something to say then, you massive hypocrite.

Yes, taking 5 years to graduate is normal, not lazy. Leaving grad school for something better is not lazy. Marrying rich is lucky, and marrying someone soon to be rich is smart. Outsourcing work if you can afford it is smart. Maybe her husband wants to be involved with his kids, but your making it sound like he's doing it bc she left a vacuum. I'm jealous of her life, sheesh.

Ah. So you're projecting.

NP here. No, I don't think most women would be jealous of this life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to think I was lazy, because I spent a lot of time doing things like DCUM instead of dishes or cleaning. My house was a wreck and my husband was doing way more than his fair share of work. (I'm a SAHM)

But then I learned more about my anxiety and ADHD and worked to deal with them, and I'm like a different person. I have a mostly healthy dinner on the table every night, I keep the house decently clean, I work on house projects to make it nice, I do all the little things like paying bills and taking care of the car, I make DH breakfast and lunch if he is working from home, etc. (I also do lots of activities with my kids but I always did that.) I still don't think I contribute as much as DH to our marriage, and that bothers me, but since he works so much I think the only way that will change is if he gets a different job.

My therapist friend says she doesn't believe in the concept of lazy, she just thinks that people don't know how to cope with their mental issues (ADHD, trauma, anxiety, depression, etc).

Not that mental issues excuse a failure to be a dependable partner or parent, but I think attributing that failure to an immutable personality trait and dismissing the person as lazy is an inaccurate way of looking at the situation.

No, “lazy” is a thing. It’s just a not very nice way of saying “low energy, low motivation person”

I know several people who fit the descriptions in this thread. I don’t consider it a moral failing unless the person in question employs manipulative or exploitative tactics that harm others to get their indulgent “needs” met.

However all of this is not to contradict you entirely- yes, there are some people whose fatigue or lack of motivation or procrastination is mental health based.

Okay I guess I can get behind that. It is interesting though how many people are normal or even ambitious in one environment and in another “lazy.” I don’t think the issue is usually their personality. But yes some people are just low energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am probably that person. A gravy train riding SAHM with grown kids.

I recently got a job and I quit within weeks because it was boring and stressful at the same time. All I could think that working was a bigger waste of my time than wasting my life lazing around at home.

Working is soul sucking and I like to be with my family

For you. My work is important, energizing and fun. I love my time with my family, but I am grateful that I work with amazing co-workers, and our work makes a direct and positive difference in the world.

I hope you can at least find a volunteer position. I know I couldn’t “laze around at home” and be happy and fulfilled.

For you too. I am perfectly happy and content lazing at home. Like 100%.

[Anonymous]

My SIL. Full time SAHM with one child, has a full time day nanny. Also had a night nanny back when the child was a baby and not STTN. Kept the night nanny for a full YEAR (when the customary thing to do is more like 6 weeks or 3 months; 6 months at the very most) because she never wanted to have to wake up at night. She basically never takes her kid out of the house or changes a diaper. Of course they bring the nanny on vacation with them, which is constantly.

Before the baby, she was a stay at home wife. She hasn't worked at all since she was 26/27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This person is only 15 so she might turn her life around and really the issue is with how she has been parented and grandparented.

It started with her mom deciding she had special needs simply because she was born by csection and examined by the neonatologist. At least at that hospital, all csection babies are examined by the neonatologist. At any rate, there was never any diagnosis or even follow up. But her mom and grandmother persist with excusing everything as related to her method of birth.

Her family switches her school as soon as she has any social difficulty at all. She always has to be the most popular girl or they think she is being bullied or slighted. Of course, any academic issues are just because she was a csection baby.

She drops out of any activity where there are opportunities for multiple people to shine rather than her being the sole star.

That's weird. Isn't the C-section rate about 1/3 of all babies born in the US? I mean, ridiculously high. So a huge proportion of kids would have problems. How do they reconcile that??

It’s a troll.

It’s a mash up of painful issues in two family members’ lives that are unrelated to each other. PP is mocking them both.

??? bizarre assumption on your part

Yeah. This person doesn't know what the word troll means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This person is only 15 so she might turn her life around and really the issue is with how she has been parented and grandparented.

It started with her mom deciding she had special needs simply because she was born by csection and examined by the neonatologist. At least at that hospital, all csection babies are examined by the neonatologist. At any rate, there was never any diagnosis or even follow up. But her mom and grandmother persist with excusing everything as related to her method of birth.

Her family switches her school as soon as she has any social difficulty at all. She always has to be the most popular girl or they think she is being bullied or slighted. Of course, any academic issues are just because she was a csection baby.

She drops out of any activity where there are opportunities for multiple people to shine rather than her being the sole star.

That's weird. Isn't the C-section rate about 1/3 of all babies born in the US? I mean, ridiculously high. So a huge proportion of kids would have problems. How do they reconcile that??

It’s a troll.

It’s a mash up of painful issues in two family members’ lives that are unrelated to each other. PP is mocking them both.

??? bizarre assumption on your part

Yeah. This person doesn't know what the word troll means.

Not a troll, she’s one person (not an amalgamation), not family, and surprise, surprise, she is switching schools again. I don’t blame her. I blame the adults.

[Anonymous]

Me. I am the laziest person I know. I am not a person who needs to be doing something all of the time and hate people who are that can't leave me alone. I am fine with my books and thoughts. Go climb and dig and bike and hike and whatever else it is you want to do, I will be here when you get back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 35 year old cousin. She has never worked or gone to school past 9 th grade. She lives with her parents and sleeps all day. Other then the stimulus checks I don’t think she has ever had money that was 100% hers. Everything she eats, wears, uses, owns was provided for her and she smokes a pack a day. She could work at her dads small business but she won’t so he hires others instead.

Sounds like an undiagnosed disability. How do you drop out of school at 14 or 15?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am probably that person. A gravy train riding SAHM with grown kids.

I recently got a job and I quit within weeks because it was boring and stressful at the same time. All I could think that working was a bigger waste of my time than wasting my life lazing around at home.

Working is soul sucking and I like to be with my family

For you. My work is important, energizing and fun. I love my time with my family, but I am grateful that I work with amazing co-workers, and our work makes a direct and positive difference in the world.

I hope you can at least find a volunteer position. I know I couldn’t “laze around at home” and be happy and fulfilled.

For you too. I am perfectly happy and content lazing at home. Like 100%.

But aren’t your husband and grown kids…at work? I mean, they can’t possibly have that much time to “be with family.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

This sounds exactly like a family I know. Except the reason the dad did everything was because the mom had a heart defect that almost killed her when the kids were young. She still worked and was involved with the kids but he did all household chores, shopping, kid chauffeuring, etc. Despite this she eventually died from the condition, when the kids were teens. So, you don't really know what's going on sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

This sounds exactly like a family I know. Except the reason the dad did everything was because the mom had a heart defect that almost killed her when the kids were young. She still worked and was involved with the kids but he did all household chores, shopping, kid chauffeuring, etc. Despite this she eventually died from the condition, when the kids were teens. So, you don't really know what's going on sometimes.

WTF? Those two situations don't sound remotely similar. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a SAHM who does not get up in the mornings to get her kids read for school. Her husband does and he also packs their lunches, does all the grocery shopping and makes all the dinners because “he likes it.” He also plans all the travel and handles all the home maintenance and renovations. When her two kids were younger, the older one had to bathe the younger one and brush her teeth. When the DH got home from work, he was expected to do 100% of everything because she was “exhausted” and “off duty.” Now that her kids are older and self-sufficient she can’t be expected to do anything at all because she has “chronic Lyme” that manifested at exactly the time she ran out of kid related excuses.

This sounds exactly like a family I know. Except the reason the dad did everything was because the mom had a heart defect that almost killed her when the kids were young. She still worked and was involved with the kids but he did all household chores, shopping, kid chauffeuring, etc. Despite this she eventually died from the condition, when the kids were teens. So, you don't really know what's going on sometimes.

Yeah, that’s not the case in the above scenario. If that were true, she’d milk it even more.