Electing not to breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I formula fed from day 1. I didn't want to breastfeed, that was my reason. When milk came I did try it a few times - after the bottle, just to understand what it feels like.

Pros of bottle feeding from my point of view - your baby gets consistent composition of nutrition. No crazy allergies or elimination diets because you ate smth or other.

In my case I had no help, husband went back to work after 1 week. BFing would have made me a zombie. As it is, I had to have a lot of coffee daily just to care for the baby and ate crap frozen meals. So I wouldn't have been a great source of nutrition.

DH was able to bond with the baby during bottle feeding and took 1 or 2 night feedings, which helped A LOT.

Negatives: I do feel some regret not having the full experience, it passes by so quickly, and I wonder if I would have bonded more by BFing. No way to tell, maybe it would have made me crazy under pressure and resentful. Another negative is that DH had very strong opinions about everything feeding related - what brand bottle to use, what flow nipple, when to change nipple, etc. Arguments about these matters were exhausting. We argued about other non-food related issues too, but with BFing at least the feeding arguments would have been off the table.

On the balance, the baby is 18 mo now. He is very healthy, meeting all physical milestones and exceeding developmental ones. It may not be due to formula, but at least I know it didn't hurt anything.

These are my personal views based on the choices I made and resulting experiences. They may not apply to anyone else. Lastly, I found Cribsheet by Emily Oster to be a helpful reading, if you're looking for an overview of relevant research.

Wth made him an expert on this stuff?

He was every bit as much an expert as the PP, right? They both got their information about formula and bottle feeding from books and doctors and personal experience, yes? So why wouldn't DH be just as expert as the PP?

PP here, with the expert DH. It's true we got same info, but we did not research in same depth, I read a lot more during pregnancy, and I spent more time with the baby during maternity, like giving 5 out of 7 feedings daily early on. This gave me context of what best practices are and the observation data for the specific baby we had. While we got the brand of anti-gas bottles that I concluded was great, DH had very rigid approach to nipple flow. If the package said #2 flow speed starts at 4 months, he wanted to do it on the dot at 4 months. We tried and to me it was obvious to me the baby was not ready. He was a slowpoke drinker and faster flow nipple was kinda waterboarding him at that age. But DH was focused on 1) what instructions on the package said and 2) efficiency - he wanted to minimize time he spent on the 2 feeds he did. Not because he didn't want to be with baby but because he'd rather play with baby than sit with the bottle for x amount of time. DH has a bit of a rigid personality and had a lot of anxiety around being a first time parent. Getting fixated on these things made him feel like he is doing something productive. It didn't help that his mom was edging him on. Our pediatrician must have been sick of us the first year, because we did telemedicine very frequently and asked about all kids of small things, she was basically arbitrating between the two of us. Anyway, it was a hot mess, and BFing would have cordoned me off some of it, but definitely not all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

You keep acting like people are about to attack you (if you are the same poster from the last page who was emphatic about MY EXPERIENCE while simultaneously downplaying other's experiences) but you are the one doing the preemptive attacking.

Ask yourself this, do you harbor no bad thoughts in your heart towards women who choose to formula feed without trying breastfeeding? If the answer is no, then honestly you should find a different thread.

I have fed my babies both ways. I do take issue with PP above declaring FF is “soooo much easier” when she doesn’t have the BF experience to compare. There’s really no arguing that someone who hasn’t tried both gets to declare which is soooooo much easier.

[Anonymous]

I've done both. Ff way way better. I am never nursing again. 2 nursed 2 formula

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

You keep acting like people are about to attack you (if you are the same poster from the last page who was emphatic about MY EXPERIENCE while simultaneously downplaying other's experiences) but you are the one doing the preemptive attacking.

Ask yourself this, do you harbor no bad thoughts in your heart towards women who choose to formula feed without trying breastfeeding? If the answer is no, then honestly you should find a different thread.

I have fed my babies both ways. I do take issue with PP above declaring FF is “soooo much easier” when she doesn’t have the BF experience to compare. There’s really no arguing that someone who hasn’t tried both gets to declare which is soooooo much easier.

I did not breastfeed but I have read A LOT of these threads. There is a lot of "subject matter expertise" people who show up to claim one or the other is easier/better/whatever. But IMO, the consensus seems to be that breastfeeding in many ways can be extremely convenient and easy when it goes well and mom doesn't have PPD, etc. But that it can also be inconvenient, ie, baby refuses any bottle so mom can never have a break of more than an hour or two, baby will only go to mom for feedings, mom has to pump and clean that equipment every day.

So in other words, when it goes well, it is exceptionally easy, but there are a lot of ways for it to go not perfectly, and all of those ways have different levels of impact on that base level super easy.

It sounds from your experience that it went really well for you. But for many women, when it doesn't go well it is really upsetting/traumatic and they feel like a failure because to them it was not easy. For many women, dealing with pumping and frozen milk is exhausting. For many women, if their baby doesn't take the bottle, they experience really extreme and dangerous sleep deprivation from having to be on the clock 24/7.

You didn't describe your exact formula routine (nor do you need to) but like breastfeeding there are a lot of modifications one can make to make it easier or harder. For me, with a baby brezza and a sanitizing dishwasher, formula feeding was, truly, extremely easy. Maybe my children would have been excellent breastfeeders who also took a bottle, who knows, but I had no interest in finding out. And I had no interest in sharing my physical body for one minute longer after extremely traumatic pregnancies.

Easier is a subjective word. For me doing formula was, if nothing else, far easier mentally than tackling breastfeeding. And mentally is really important those first few weeks.

I think if you know up front that there is a lot about breastfeeding that you find not just kind of mysterious and intimidating but actually are turned off by it, then deciding to just not can be a lot easier of a choice, even if in the day to day there are certain things that would have been easier. There is a reason people turn to formula when breastfeeding is too hard, and its not because formula is harder. And its also not because breastfeeding is bad in any way, its just two different ways of doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

You keep acting like people are about to attack you (if you are the same poster from the last page who was emphatic about MY EXPERIENCE while simultaneously downplaying other's experiences) but you are the one doing the preemptive attacking.

Ask yourself this, do you harbor no bad thoughts in your heart towards women who choose to formula feed without trying breastfeeding? If the answer is no, then honestly you should find a different thread.

I have fed my babies both ways. I do take issue with PP above declaring FF is “soooo much easier” when she doesn’t have the BF experience to compare. There’s really no arguing that someone who hasn’t tried both gets to declare which is soooooo much easier.

Not that PP, but it depends on what one values and considers easy, and that can vary. In some ways FF more predictable in that there is always plenty of formula. It's always same calories and you know they are tolerated, it has vit D and iron, which are 2 things that you have to supplement separately during BF according to CDC. You can also have spouse or helper feed the baby, which means if you want or need, you can leave the house for more than 2 hrs and not have to pump in the car or at the dr's office. Or if someone is helping you overnight you can sleep a glorious 8 hr stretch and not be engorged. The bottle washing is a chore, but no more of a chore than cleaning the pump and bottles if you pump. Also, you can run bottles through dishwasher. You don't have to watch what you eat/drink. So in these terms it's easy.

In some other ways it's harder. I've used formula that required a certain temp to be properly dissolved and could not be pre-made in advance. So that required some level of being lucid for the multiple middle of the night feedings. We were both set on not co-sleeping in the same bed with the baby, so the convenience of breastfeeding while both are half asleep did not have any value for me - I wouldn't have done it anyway. Going places with the baby required carrying a thermos and formula making supplies (or stopping in starbucks and asking for boiling water - in the airport, pre-Covid). For some people it's not easy, but for me was ok. Same level of complexity as packing a change of clothing and diapering supplies.

I think you just have to figure out what works best for you, knowing yourself and your circumstances. In the absence of the "village" and paid extended maternity leave as well as lack of affordable daycare options for older siblings, each of us is just doing the best we can, and none of the choices on the table are ideal, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't planning to breastfeed, but when I was holding my baby shortly after she was born, she turned her head toward me and the nurse said she was "rooting," and would I like to try. So I tried. And it felt right to me.

My nipples were a little sore the first week, but everything clicked pretty easily. If it hadn't worked well at first, I was prepared to go to formula, and the nurses knew that from the first.

With my second, I went in planning to breastfeed, but asked for formula "just in case" and did not use it at all in the hospital, but packed it in my suitcase for later on because that stuff is expensive.

[Anonymous]

I was unable to breat feed my child, who was a healthy baby, toddler and now teen. Obviously I can’t know what i missed by not breast feeding, but I bonded with my bottlefed child. I think you need to do what is best for you and your child. And don’t worry about what others think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

PP you are addressing and reading this made me smile and think "awww bless her heart!"

My child is older now and I have forgotten how much weight you put on such things when your child is so young. But your child will grow up and over the years you will realize the infant stage and breastfeeding was just a teeny, tiny moment in their life and there will be so many more significant bonding and memory worthy events that you really won't even care anymore about breastfeeding.

And that's why OP nor any other mother should stress out over feeding their baby. Just make sure your baby is fed however you choose to do it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had many issues with my first that lead me to pumping for the first 6 months. I have PCOS and low supply. My baby never latched and he had weight issues. I pumped and combo fed until I went back to work FT at 6 months. It was very tough and time consuming. I was pumping every 2 hours for the first months and and then every 3 hours for the first 3 months. I was able to decrease my pumps as I eat established my supply, but I still had to pump 5 times a day. I spent a good 3 hours a day pumping. I woke up at night, even after my baby started sleeping through the night. My husband was able to help with feeding and he helped wash most of the bottles and pump parts. It was still tough. I had so much more time and was less stressed when I stopped pumping. I had to stop pumping because my job doesn’t allow for pumping times. I work in a small clinic and see patients 8 hours a day. I get one 30 minute break and a handful of 5 minute breaks between patients. Pumping wasn’t going to work and I was done with it.

I had my second baby and had the same supply and latch issues. I decided pumping wasn’t going to work with two kids and decided to go straight to formula. I will go straight to formula if I have a third. My husband and my MIL suggested I go straight to formula with second because of how stressful it was for me with my first baby.

Bonus points of formula feeding was being able to go on date nights with my husband without having to worry about pumping. We believe in putting our marriage first, and go on a date night ( before pandemic) at least twice a month. It has been so much easier to go out places and not worry about having to be home to pump. Do what works for you and don’t listen to others. You don’t have to try to breastfeed or combo feed unless you want to. Formula feeding is just fine. Your baby will be much happier with a mom who is happy and not stressed out.