Electing not to breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

I don't expect my newborn to be slotted into my existing life. I just don't want my relationship with my baby to be sullied by stress or resentment for breastfeeding/pumping when there are alternatives. I do have a lot of family around, and my husband works unusual hours in medicine. I will absolutely be taking advantage of an odd hour to run an errand by myself. No one would beseech my husband that simple freedom, so I don't know why it's even a conversation. I know myself, and I need that.

If breastfeeding is easy and natural for us, I will do it until a reasonable transition period before I return to work. If it isn't, I am going to let it go. I am not going to fight through multiple mastitis hospitalizations, tongue ties, etc. and make us all miserable in a quest to breastfeed.

I read what you're saying in one paragraph and then see you talking about crying in the pumping room in the next. I just can't see pushing through that. I'm glad that it worked for your family, but I'm afraid of the psychological impact and on my ability to mother in that state. I'm sorry you went through that.

OP I don’t think you’re really understanding what’s coming. You cannot strategize yourself out of the difficulties of parenthood. Choosing formula doesn’t guarantee you freedom from guilt or sadness when you return to work. The freedom of a Target run isn’t an antidote
For the challenges ahead. Formula won’t inoculate you from strong emotions, like if your baby refuses the formula, or won’t take it, or will only take it from a certain person, or — like my first —‘spit it out every darn time I tried to give it her. Fighting through a tongue tie and getting it revised, or mastitis, or missing baby while I pumped are all just part of parenting. It’s full of tough and emotional moments. The responsibility can feel overwhelming but so does the love. Your baby is going to bring up all sorts of feelings and they will be an individual with their own thoughts and preferences for how they are fed. Breastfeed or don’t - it’s your choice - but I think it’s silly to make up your mind ahead of time instead of being open to what feels right and works for you. Stop painting formula and nursing as binary choices where one is easy and the other is hard because it’s just not accurate.

Of course you can. It's called researching and being prepared. Exactly what this OP is doing. I'm so sick and tired of women shaming expecting mothers for either being excited about their baby or asking questions ("you don't know what's coming!" "You might be excited now but just you wait."). She'll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think there's anything wrong with formula, but I think you've also been really scared off from breastfeeding. You seem to have a lot of doom and gloom breastfeedings scenarios. You might end up really enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the psychopath lactivist above. She's got serious issues. Bottle feeding was a gagillion times easier than breastfeeding for me, and I have done both. Every person's situation is different and only an insecure and mean person would write what the above poster did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the psychopath lactivist above. She's got serious issues. Bottle feeding was a gagillion times easier than breastfeeding for me, and I have done both. Every person's situation is different and only an insecure and mean person would write what the above poster did.

+1. NP to the thread. I have a 15 month old, chose to formula feed, and have had none of the negative experiences of the PP. I’ve enjoyed my kid, my life, and my husband is insanely involved.

I do wish people would stop telling women how they’ll feel like a completely different person after having a kid. I feel like me. And have the same needs I had before. This sets women up to feel like failures when they don’t have some crazy out of body experience after having kids. No one tells men they won’t have personal needs after having kids.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever makes you feel best!! I had to start supplementing almost immediately, and then at 5 weeks went full formula, which was sooner than I wanted. It was a very emotional decision/transition, but it's AWESOME! My baby didn't bat an eye at the change, not needing to pump is life changing, and when i go back to work I don't need to worry about anything BF-related. This works for me and my family, and it makes me happy. You need to do whatever makes you happy - as long as your baby is fed you are making a good decision, no matter what it is! Of course, have a discussion with your ped as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do whatever makes you feel best!! I had to start supplementing almost immediately, and then at 5 weeks went full formula, which was sooner than I wanted. It was a very emotional decision/transition, but it's AWESOME! My baby didn't bat an eye at the change, not needing to pump is life changing, and when i go back to work I don't need to worry about anything BF-related. This works for me and my family, and it makes me happy. You need to do whatever makes you happy - as long as your baby is fed you are making a good decision, no matter what it is! Of course, have a discussion with your ped as well.

Okay I am now reading through some of the honestly rude responses you have gotten. In addition to what I wrote above, I will say I tried to exlusively BF from the start, and had planned to do that, but literally on day 1 home from the hospital had to start supplementing. Cleaning bottles, prepping bottles, etc, takes a few minutes of my day, not these crazy times people are claiming. Once you don't have to wake your baby to feed, and then a few weeks later when the baby learns to sleep through the night, you'll be able to stop waking up to make or get a bottle from the fridge. And guess what? not all babies need their bottles warmed! So don't pay attention to people saying that's a hassle. My baby loves his ice cold bottle from the fridge. Or a room temperature one - he doesn't care. He's healthy, I'm happy, my husband can help, what else could I ask for? You'll feel these things out as you progress, and I hope some of these crazy replies don't discourage you!

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why formula was so difficult. I found it easy. I whipped up a batch for the day. I used prefilled bottles at night. I taught my kid early on to like the milk cold out of the fridge. I threw the bottles and parts in the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to breastfeed either and I’m tired of people asking if I plan to breastfeed. As soon as I announced my pregnancy, other women started asking me. It’s so nosy and intrusive. I’m going to do colostrum for a week and then formula.

[Anonymous]

OP, I formula fed from day 1. I didn't want to breastfeed, that was my reason. When milk came I did try it a few times - after the bottle, just to understand what it feels like.

Pros of bottle feeding from my point of view - your baby gets consistent composition of nutrition. No crazy allergies or elimination diets because you ate smth or other.

In my case I had no help, husband went back to work after 1 week. BFing would have made me a zombie. As it is, I had to have a lot of coffee daily just to care for the baby and ate crap frozen meals. So I wouldn't have been a great source of nutrition.

DH was able to bond with the baby during bottle feeding and took 1 or 2 night feedings, which helped A LOT.

Negatives: I do feel some regret not having the full experience, it passes by so quickly, and I wonder if I would have bonded more by BFing. No way to tell, maybe it would have made me crazy under pressure and resentful. Another negative is that DH had very strong opinions about everything feeding related - what brand bottle to use, what flow nipple, when to change nipple, etc. Arguments about these matters were exhausting. We argued about other non-food related issues too, but with BFing at least the feeding arguments would have been off the table.

On the balance, the baby is 18 mo now. He is very healthy, meeting all physical milestones and exceeding developmental ones. It may not be due to formula, but at least I know it didn't hurt anything.

These are my personal views based on the choices I made and resulting experiences. They may not apply to anyone else. Lastly, I found Cribsheet by Emily Oster to be a helpful reading, if you're looking for an overview of relevant research.

[Anonymous]

Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I formula fed from day 1. I didn't want to breastfeed, that was my reason. When milk came I did try it a few times - after the bottle, just to understand what it feels like.

Pros of bottle feeding from my point of view - your baby gets consistent composition of nutrition. No crazy allergies or elimination diets because you ate smth or other.

In my case I had no help, husband went back to work after 1 week. BFing would have made me a zombie. As it is, I had to have a lot of coffee daily just to care for the baby and ate crap frozen meals. So I wouldn't have been a great source of nutrition.

DH was able to bond with the baby during bottle feeding and took 1 or 2 night feedings, which helped A LOT.

Negatives: I do feel some regret not having the full experience, it passes by so quickly, and I wonder if I would have bonded more by BFing. No way to tell, maybe it would have made me crazy under pressure and resentful. Another negative is that DH had very strong opinions about everything feeding related - what brand bottle to use, what flow nipple, when to change nipple, etc. Arguments about these matters were exhausting. We argued about other non-food related issues too, but with BFing at least the feeding arguments would have been off the table.

On the balance, the baby is 18 mo now. He is very healthy, meeting all physical milestones and exceeding developmental ones. It may not be due to formula, but at least I know it didn't hurt anything.

These are my personal views based on the choices I made and resulting experiences. They may not apply to anyone else. Lastly, I found Cribsheet by Emily Oster to be a helpful reading, if you're looking for an overview of relevant research.

Wth made him an expert on this stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess what also takes tons of time? Hand washing bottle parts every. Damn. Night. Especially the Dr. Brown’s with all the interior parts. Nursing is time consuming. Pumping is time consuming. Bottle feeding is time consuming. Parenting is time consuming.

News flash for Op: Infants don’t just get slotted into your existing life unless you have hired help and lots of family around. For the rest of us, they upend life and you reconfigure. You will realize this after the baby arrives. Who you are isn’t who you will be as a mom. Having a baby literally changes your brain. So How you plan to feed your baby is a premature decision. Wait til baby arrives. See how you feel.

Personally, nursing was tough for me (I’ve had mastitis 5 times between two kids, latch issues, severe engorgement, etc), but worth it for the health benefits and bonding. I liked the oxytocin rush. I liked the connection, it helped alleviate my working mom guilt when I only saw my baby for like 2 awake hours a day after I went back to work and would cry in the pumping room. And even then sometimes we did formula and it was fine. There’s a zillion shades of gray between EBF and EFF. Embrace the gray. And the new woman you will
Be as a mom. Her priorities will probably shift and evolve and look very different once your child arrives.

I don't expect my newborn to be slotted into my existing life. I just don't want my relationship with my baby to be sullied by stress or resentment for breastfeeding/pumping when there are alternatives. I do have a lot of family around, and my husband works unusual hours in medicine. I will absolutely be taking advantage of an odd hour to run an errand by myself. No one would beseech my husband that simple freedom, so I don't know why it's even a conversation. I know myself, and I need that.

If breastfeeding is easy and natural for us, I will do it until a reasonable transition period before I return to work. If it isn't, I am going to let it go. I am not going to fight through multiple mastitis hospitalizations, tongue ties, etc. and make us all miserable in a quest to breastfeed.

I read what you're saying in one paragraph and then see you talking about crying in the pumping room in the next. I just can't see pushing through that. I'm glad that it worked for your family, but I'm afraid of the psychological impact and on my ability to mother in that state. I'm sorry you went through that.

OP I don’t think you’re really understanding what’s coming. You cannot strategize yourself out of the difficulties of parenthood. Choosing formula doesn’t guarantee you freedom from guilt or sadness when you return to work. The freedom of a Target run isn’t an antidote
For the challenges ahead. Formula won’t inoculate you from strong emotions, like if your baby refuses the formula, or won’t take it, or will only take it from a certain person, or — like my first —‘spit it out every darn time I tried to give it her. Fighting through a tongue tie and getting it revised, or mastitis, or missing baby while I pumped are all just part of parenting. It’s full of tough and emotional moments. The responsibility can feel overwhelming but so does the love. Your baby is going to bring up all sorts of feelings and they will be an individual with their own thoughts and preferences for how they are fed. Breastfeed or don’t - it’s your choice - but I think it’s silly to make up your mind ahead of time instead of being open to what feels right and works for you. Stop painting formula and nursing as binary choices where one is easy and the other is hard because it’s just not accurate.

Of course you can. It's called researching and being prepared. Exactly what this OP is doing. I'm so sick and tired of women shaming expecting mothers for either being excited about their baby or asking questions ("you don't know what's coming!" "You might be excited now but just you wait."). She'll figure it out.

+1. breastfeeding is like the one main way women CAN strategize about parenting! The notion of pumping at work never sat right with me, but by the time I actually had the baby, I was very rigidly focused on breastfeeding/pumping due to all the propaganda. I was miserable. If I could do one thing over it would be to not breastfeed. I commend OP for thinking this through for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I formula fed from day 1. I didn't want to breastfeed, that was my reason. When milk came I did try it a few times - after the bottle, just to understand what it feels like.

Pros of bottle feeding from my point of view - your baby gets consistent composition of nutrition. No crazy allergies or elimination diets because you ate smth or other.

In my case I had no help, husband went back to work after 1 week. BFing would have made me a zombie. As it is, I had to have a lot of coffee daily just to care for the baby and ate crap frozen meals. So I wouldn't have been a great source of nutrition.

DH was able to bond with the baby during bottle feeding and took 1 or 2 night feedings, which helped A LOT.

Negatives: I do feel some regret not having the full experience, it passes by so quickly, and I wonder if I would have bonded more by BFing. No way to tell, maybe it would have made me crazy under pressure and resentful. Another negative is that DH had very strong opinions about everything feeding related - what brand bottle to use, what flow nipple, when to change nipple, etc. Arguments about these matters were exhausting. We argued about other non-food related issues too, but with BFing at least the feeding arguments would have been off the table.

On the balance, the baby is 18 mo now. He is very healthy, meeting all physical milestones and exceeding developmental ones. It may not be due to formula, but at least I know it didn't hurt anything.

These are my personal views based on the choices I made and resulting experiences. They may not apply to anyone else. Lastly, I found Cribsheet by Emily Oster to be a helpful reading, if you're looking for an overview of relevant research.

Wth made him an expert on this stuff?

He was every bit as much an expert as the PP, right? They both got their information about formula and bottle feeding from books and doctors and personal experience, yes? So why wouldn't DH be just as expert as the PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottle fed from day 1

No regrets, zero guilt, sooo much easier.

Bottles can be washed in the dishwasher. If you want you can get a microwave sterilizer but it’s not necessary.

Premixed formula is available so open can, empty into bottle. Or powder - dump a scoop, add water, shake, heating it is unnecessary.

You don't get to say "soo much easier" because you did one way.

I both breastfed and formula fed my daughters. I found breastfeeding to be much easier and more enjoyable, but I am really glad we mixed in formula/bottle feeding so that DH and others could help, and so that my transition back to work was easier.

Pumping was NBD for me, but if it had been problematic, I would have just stopped. But to me, nothing was easier than simply breastfeeding. No prep work, no cleanup, and a wonderful rush of oxytocin and snuggles! (And no, put down your sword, I'm not saying that formula or bottle feeding isn't also a snuggly great way to bond. FOR ME, MY EXPERIENCE was that breastfeeding was the most profound bonding moments I had with both of my infants.)

You keep acting like people are about to attack you (if you are the same poster from the last page who was emphatic about MY EXPERIENCE while simultaneously downplaying other's experiences) but you are the one doing the preemptive attacking.

Ask yourself this, do you harbor no bad thoughts in your heart towards women who choose to formula feed without trying breastfeeding? If the answer is no, then honestly you should find a different thread.