Electing not to breastfeed
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Anonymous
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I'm due in two months and have been struggling with the thought of breastfeeding. It seems incredibly time consuming. It's a huge task to always be the one to get up in the middle of the night. I'd love to share the responsibility of feeding with my partner. Further, I don't have a job where I can expect privacy and I have a long commute (an hour plus) on public transportation. I know that workplaces are required to provide time and space for pumping, but I've seen how that plays out in reality with coworkers and it's not something I'd be comfortable doing (the time is never sufficient, and the space is never private). I know about the health benefits and I understand, but I also feel like my baby will be absolutely fine even if he is formula fed. I do feel like he will likely be better off if I don't resent this part of parenting.
Did anyone else choose not to breastfeed? If so, what were your reasons? In retrospect, do you feel like you or your child missed out? Thanks for any thoughts. |
Anonymous
| Personally, I'd nurse while you are home, but let your spouse give bottles of pumped milk or formula so he can share that responsibility. And then just switch to formula when you return to work. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. |
Anonymous
| I felt the same way while pregnant op. But then I loved breastfeeding and baby refused bottles. I also didn't get up in the middle of the night. I rolled over, took baby out of the bassinet, nursed and put her back. With formula you have to get up and make it. You really won't know until you give birth. I'd try for colostrum and if you don't want to, then just stop and formula feed. Your baby isn't going to miss out. |
Anonymous
I did breastfeed and thought it was nice to not have to clean bottles etc. But bottle feeding is a great job for your partner!  however you choose to feed your baby is great and won’t make a difference in the long run. Don’t let these crazy moms make you feel guilty about whatever you choose- they should mind their business. Congrats on your upcoming addition to the family
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Anonymous
PP here- I meant bottle cleaning is a great job for your partner! |
Anonymous
This! I bf my kids longer than most, but I only worked PT from home. If I had to have pumped in an office, there's no way I would have managed it. How much leave are you taking OP? I would do as pp suggested. Nurse when you can, use formula when you can't. And you don't have to make a decision right now. See how nursing goes for you. Fed is best, however it gets done. |
Anonymous
+100 On here it can seem like the choice is only EBF or 100% formula. Both of those are fine, but doing both is also common and can be great too. I was also surprised by how much I liked nursing after the first six weeks. And there was PLENTY for DH to do. I nursed and he did just about everything else. |
Anonymous
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I wish I had stopped BF when I returned from maternity leave. The pumping and the overnight waking was really challenging and, in my opinion, not worth it.
If you can BF at the beginning, when you (hopefully) are on leave, you will get a huge portion of the health benefits without all the downsides. |
Anonymous
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Hi OP. I nursed my DD until 15 months (started supplementing with formula at 6 months).
You are totally right that it can be a lot of work. I am not someone who enjoyed nursing but did it because I felt pressure to, and looking back, I think it was kind of crazy. DD was a sleepy newborn who took forever to nurse so each session took like an hour total in between waking her up, getting her to nurse on one side, then getting her to nurse on the other side. It was stressful not to know how much she was getting, especially since she was born so small (she gained weight very well, but I worried between ped visits). I hated nursing in public. I had the absolutely best circumstances for pumping (private office) and I still found it extremely disruptive and time-consuming. All that being said, some babies don't take forever to nurse, some women even have a very easy time pumping and prefer nursing in public to getting bottles ready for outings, and there is nothing wrong with letting your partner do a night feeding with formula (there is a chance it could affect your supply, but that is okay, ignore the lactivists that don't care about your well-being). Formula feeding is a fantastic way to feed your baby, but breastfeeding may work out fine for you if you are interested in trying it. |
Anonymous
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I hated nursing. It was horrifically painful for 8 weeks for me. I had a giant baby who nursed every 2 hours and lack of sleep almost broke me. I hated my mat leave. I was in pain from birth (tearing), nursing, and no sleep. I finally supplemented with formula and it saved me. I should have done it much sooner but I let the breast feeding campaigners get to me.
Formula of one variety or another has been used for centuries, and what we have now is excellent. If you are in misery dont be afraid to use it. I nursed and used formula for a full year with both kids. But I think formula alone is a great choice as well! |
Anonymous
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+1 to the idea you can do both, or BF at first and then switch when it becomes annoying. I really enjoyed breastfeeding and didn't mind pumping. I ended up breastfeeding in some capacity until 20 months, but obviously DD was getting other food during a lot of that time. Toward the end it was just a nursing session in the morning to wake up together, which was nice. We also started a bottle at 3 weeks, on my LC's advice, so that DH could pitch in and so that we'd have no refusal issues when I returned to work.
There are many ways to bond with your baby but BF is a good one and if you're not turned off by the idea (only the logistics) I encourage you to try it. You can quit any time. |
Anonymous
Good on your LC! I wish the broader breastfeeding community would recognize the importance of introducing a bottle and formula for those of us that WOH, instead of treating it like some dangerous thing. My postpartum doula didn't want me to pump even a little before 6 weeks and I was going back to work part-time at 8 weeks. She also said my partner shouldn't do night feedings. It's so frustrating that so many breastfeeding advocates act like mothers and mothers alone must stay home with the baby for a year plus and do all night feedings. It's incredibly damaging and anti-feminist. |
Anonymous
| I was reading somewhere (can't remember the source) that in many non-US cultures women BF at home and formula feed in public. U.S. lactation activists parachute in and try to eliminate formula feeding by "teaching" these cultures about BF, assuming if they use any formula at all they are ignorant about BF. It's embarrassing. There's no reason you can't do both. |
Anonymous
| I don't know anyone who has BF except for myself. All of my friends FF their babies, and they're all happy healthy babies, too. Do what works best for you, and without guilt. |
Anonymous
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I know numerous women who chosen to breast feed for similar reasons, and totally support you in your choice to do so. Formula is really good and there are lots of ways to bond with your baby (including while feeding them formula!). And you are right there are other advantages, like being able to share feeding duties with your partner. And pumping is miserable. I EBF for about a year and while I enjoyed nursing, I hated pumping with the passion of a thousand suns and pretty much always resented having to do it. If your work is not supportive of it, that makes it much worse (mine was a huge pain about it and I worked in an open plan office at the time so I really had to demand accommodations and they made me feel terrible about it.
You should do what you want. |