Electing not to breastfeed

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs and just wanted to add that for the first two weeks, both I and DH got up at night. I fed baby and he changed her. We had to set alarms to wake her regularly to eat (this is common, they are sleepy). I also had to pee at night 😃 So in terms of just giving it a try early on, there's little to lose.

[Anonymous]

I did not want to breastfeed at all. I knew the milk was going to come in anyway, so i decided to hand express until i dried up and give baby the colostrum and milk until then. No regrets formula feeding. In my opinion, much easier than breastfeedning, and better for my mental health. Most of my firends who breastfed, had a much harder time in the first few months post-partum. To each her own. Good luck, and don't let anyone shame you for making the decision thats right for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know numerous women who chosen to breast feed for similar reasons, and totally support you in your choice to do so. Formula is really good and there are lots of ways to bond with your baby (including while feeding them formula!). And you are right there are other advantages, like being able to share feeding duties with your partner. And pumping is miserable. I EBF for about a year and while I enjoyed nursing, I hated pumping with the passion of a thousand suns and pretty much always resented having to do it. If your work is not supportive of it, that makes it much worse (mine was a huge pain about it and I worked in an open plan office at the time so I really had to demand accommodations and they made me feel terrible about it.

You should do what you want.

Me again. I reread this and realize it sounded super negative! And regarding pumping and work accommodations, I am negative -- that aspect of the experience was not great.

But I do want to say I was surprised by how much I actually enjoyed breastfeeding. I was not expecting to do it for a year, and certainly not exclusively. But it turned out to be one of the things about motherhood that came very naturally to me and it was really nice to have one thing that just clicked. I know many women who struggled with BFing and I definitely feel like you shouldn't feel compelled to do it or like you failed in any way if it doesn't go smoothly. But I should note that I expected to be a formula mom and instead I stuck with BFing for quite a while because it felt good to me to have this one thing that I could always do for my baby. It's why I stuck with pumping even when work was annoying about it and I didn't like it -- it just felt good to me to know I was providing something for her even when we were apart.

But that doesn't mean that's what your experience will be or that it's the only approach. It was just mine. That's why I think people should do what they want -- the point is to feel like you are doing the right thing for your baby and yourself, not to do what someone else thinks the right thing is.

[Anonymous]

I just didn't want to breastfeed. The act had no appeal for me at all. So, I didn't. Formula fed from Day 0 and never regretted it. Happy baby, happy me, very happy DH who loved giving DD her bottle and bonding with her that way - it was all good for us.

(That said, I absolutely support breastfeeding, including in public spaces, offices, etc., and think we as a society should be doing a lot more to make it easier for mothers who do it.)

[Anonymous]

There is a great post on Cup of Jo this week about choosing formula feeding. I did half and half until my twins were 4 months and then I switched to formula because it was too difficult for me. My kids are in elementary school and happy & healthy.

https://cupofjo.com/2021/03/why-formula-feeding-was-best-for-us/

[Anonymous]

OP, you hit on a particular pet peeve of mine, which is when people talking about breastfeeding but what they really mean is pumping. Would i breastfeed under your circumstances? No. Pumping sucks. The experience of actually breastfeeding your child is different and I think that is worth it. I just wish people would stop giving BREASTFEEDING a bad name when what they're really talking about is pumping and bottle feeding.

[Anonymous]

OP here-I can't overstate how much I appreciate all these responses. It's difficult to find frank discussions about breastfeeding without having to wade through the many obsessive articles and testimonials about the magic of it all. I do think I will likely try it in the very beginning to provide colostrum for the baby, but I am concerned about the mental health impact of being tied to this physical act (especially for the first few months). I want to have the freedom to do something as simple as leave my baby with my husband for a couple hours and go to on a walk or to run errands, without worrying he is going to be hungry and inconsolable. I'm prone to pervasive anxiety and I'm concerned that the dynamic could be difficult for me to navigate, which impacts everyone in the household.

My mother did not EBF and did both with myself and my two siblings, and said that worked well for her. A friend of mine is trying to nurse and use formula, but her baby is totally refusing the bottle. She works from home, though, and I don't, so she's been able to make it work. I have about 8 weeks off and want to make sure the baby is fed whether I'm home or not. I also want to maintain my sanity at a time that I know will be emotionally charged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you hit on a particular pet peeve of mine, which is when people talking about breastfeeding but what they really mean is pumping. Would i breastfeed under your circumstances? No. Pumping sucks. The experience of actually breastfeeding your child is different and I think that is worth it. I just wish people would stop giving BREASTFEEDING a bad name when what they're really talking about is pumping and bottle feeding.

I think they necessarily go hand in hand. Of course in an ideal world (or Europe) we would all have lots of time off work with a new baby, so we could spend the first year of our child's life feeding and caring for them however we see fit. But if I choose to dedicate myself to breastfeeding, I am resigning myself to pumping unless I quit my job. I couldn't maintain my supply when I'm out of the house 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, if I didn't pump. Therefore, I would not be able to breastfeed. For me, though, it's also the reality of never having the freedom or independence to leave the house without my baby. And I don't think that's unreasonable.

I think what you're talking about is part of a larger conversation than just, "Breastfeeding is good, pumping is bad."

[Anonymous]

I didn’t breastfeed. Just straight formula. I did pump a bit to relieve engorgement and take the edge off and I fed that milk to my kids, but that was it. You don’t have to do it. It’s totally fine either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you hit on a particular pet peeve of mine, which is when people talking about breastfeeding but what they really mean is pumping. Would i breastfeed under your circumstances? No. Pumping sucks. The experience of actually breastfeeding your child is different and I think that is worth it. I just wish people would stop giving BREASTFEEDING a bad name when what they're really talking about is pumping and bottle feeding.

I think they necessarily go hand in hand. Of course in an ideal world (or Europe) we would all have lots of time off work with a new baby, so we could spend the first year of our child's life feeding and caring for them however we see fit. But if I choose to dedicate myself to breastfeeding, I am resigning myself to pumping unless I quit my job. I couldn't maintain my supply when I'm out of the house 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, if I didn't pump. Therefore, I would not be able to breastfeed. For me, though, it's also the reality of never having the freedom or independence to leave the house without my baby. And I don't think that's unreasonable.

I think what you're talking about is part of a larger conversation than just, "Breastfeeding is good, pumping is bad."

I am 100% pro paid parental leave for all. But it's important to point out that in Europe those policies were designed to encourage women specifically to stay home and there is evidence it impacts women's workforce participation and compensation. Parental leave policies should be available to men and women, and there is NOTHING wrong with going back to work whenever you are ready. And like you say, not wanting to be chained to your baby 24/7 is 100% a valid reason to not breastfeed and/or supplement with formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-I can't overstate how much I appreciate all these responses. It's difficult to find frank discussions about breastfeeding without having to wade through the many obsessive articles and testimonials about the magic of it all. I do think I will likely try it in the very beginning to provide colostrum for the baby, but I am concerned about the mental health impact of being tied to this physical act (especially for the first few months). I want to have the freedom to do something as simple as leave my baby with my husband for a couple hours and go to on a walk or to run errands, without worrying he is going to be hungry and inconsolable. I'm prone to pervasive anxiety and I'm concerned that the dynamic could be difficult for me to navigate, which impacts everyone in the household.

My mother did not EBF and did both with myself and my two siblings, and said that worked well for her. A friend of mine is trying to nurse and use formula, but her baby is totally refusing the bottle. She works from home, though, and I don't, so she's been able to make it work. I have about 8 weeks off and want to make sure the baby is fed whether I'm home or not. I also want to maintain my sanity at a time that I know will be emotionally charged.

OP, you sound exactly like I did. I didn’t think I would breastfeed at all but decided to give it a go and got really lucky that my milk came in quickly, I had a lot of it and my DS was a quick eater with a good latch. We started giving him one bottle of formula a day to get him used to the taste for when I decided to stop and only gave him bottles at night so that I wouldn’t be the only one with the burden of feeding him. I pumped twice a day and that was it and was able to take walks etc. away from my son (and honestly, I wasn’t recovered enough to do much of that before he was a week old!). I still decided to stop after 3 months but I was glad I tried. And I wouldn’t have felt guilty about quitting right away either!

[Anonymous]

Your child will be perfectly ok if you don’t bf. Most Gen Xers weren’t bf.

[Anonymous]

I did not breastfeed. I also just didn't want to. It seemed like something that would make me miserable (just personally the idea of the act did not appeal to me) and I wanted to have really significant equity with my husband in early baby care.

I know that there are ways to breastfeed that are more equitable, and I know many women have loved it despite not believing they would, but I did not believe I would be one of them.

I did not touch my breasts at all for about a week after birth and wore snug bras. Day 5/6 are pretty uncomfortable but then its over.

All babies got formula from day 1. All have thrived, none have had food allergies or been sick in excess and all are bright and curious and happy today. I have never regretted this, it was 100% the right decision for our family and no one suffered as a result.

Like another pp I also unequivocally fully support women who choose to breastfeed and advocate for the normalization of all feeding choices and better and more equal treatment of mothers in every aspect of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you hit on a particular pet peeve of mine, which is when people talking about breastfeeding but what they really mean is pumping. Would i breastfeed under your circumstances? No. Pumping sucks. The experience of actually breastfeeding your child is different and I think that is worth it. I just wish people would stop giving BREASTFEEDING a bad name when what they're really talking about is pumping and bottle feeding.

I think they necessarily go hand in hand. Of course in an ideal world (or Europe) we would all have lots of time off work with a new baby, so we could spend the first year of our child's life feeding and caring for them however we see fit. But if I choose to dedicate myself to breastfeeding, I am resigning myself to pumping unless I quit my job. I couldn't maintain my supply when I'm out of the house 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, if I didn't pump. Therefore, I would not be able to breastfeed. For me, though, it's also the reality of never having the freedom or independence to leave the house without my baby. And I don't think that's unreasonable.

I think what you're talking about is part of a larger conversation than just, "Breastfeeding is good, pumping is bad."

I am 100% pro paid parental leave for all. But it's important to point out that in Europe those policies were designed to encourage women specifically to stay home and there is evidence it impacts women's workforce participation and compensation. Parental leave policies should be available to men and women, and there is NOTHING wrong with going back to work whenever you are ready. And like you say, not wanting to be chained to your baby 24/7 is 100% a valid reason to not breastfeed and/or supplement with formula.

As a side note, there is a strong pro formula movement in Europe among feminists, as breastfeeding is seen as a form of slavery for women (and pumping is seen as degrading, treating women as cattle). A very different message than the pro breastfeeding feminist movement in the US.

[Anonymous]

OP, whatever you decide will be fine. And you definitely don’t have to decide before the baby is born or right after.

Breastfeeding is proven good for babies and moms but imo it is bad for dads and other partners and that is not discussed enough.

Doing it for as long as it works for you and then going combo or formula only seems like a good option to me. Start out, see how it’s going, and then adjust.