Is it weird to be a virgin after 35?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 34, I think. I wasn’t hyper religious, but for quite some time I never had opportunity and inclination at the same time. I had gotten over “nice girls don’t” in my early 20s, but I also never felt like sex was just a random recreational activity or that virginity was just something to be “gotten rid of”. I had high drive at times, but I took care of myself.

So when it just felt right, I didn’t tell him. At that moment my virginity was not a big deal to me, but probably would have made him all weird and awkward, so I didn’t say anything. He still doesn’t know - 20 years later. It just never occurred to him that someone like me (not particularly religious, not particularly unattractive, etc) would not have had sec before.

I was 27. I did tell him but not until literally right before we had intercourse. He was surprised but it was fine. We’ve been together for 20 years also.

I was in my mid-20s and also handled it this way. We are married and have been together for nearly 15 years now. I have tried to tell him several times but he literally doesn't believe me and thinks I am just joking. Even when I say "no, really - it's true!" he just chuckles and says "good one" lol.

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity at around 35. I just didn’t tell my partner, and they didn’t notice. (I told them several years later and they said they had no idea.)

[Anonymous]

I was 33 OP.

I was a "good girl" so it wasn't until my late 20's that I was with a guy with whom I felt comfortable and really wanted to do it, but he freaked out when he found out I was a virgin. In hindsight I really regretted telling him.

My next real relationship wasn't until I was 33 and I told that guy too (and kind of regretted telling him.) But he wasn't deterred.

It was a big deal to me at the time that I was so old. I sort of wished I had gotten it over with at 18 when I had the chance, but knew that the guy was nothing serious. But now it doesn't really matter.

Don't overthink it. Life happens as it happens.

[Anonymous]

It's your body. You don't have to share that you're a virgin with anyone, ever. You've already made incredible progress. Work with a therapist on the inner demons that hold you back. We all have them at some point. You're doing great OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a relationship with a man for two years, where you don't prioritize sex, but do prioritize other things, then that means you have a best friend. Not a boyfriend.

You clearly didn't have that much sexual desire to them, because you literally didn't have sex.

You are asexual (or on a spectrum between 0 and high sex drive, you're a 1).

Yes thats the whole reason why I said I left him.

I realized I wanted a sex u al relationship with another man that wasn't him who actually loved me and who I could trust. My ex was a huge liar but rich so girls didn't care.

My swxual desire for him diminished everytime I thought of the faces of the women he hooked up with. He knew it was a lost cause and looked for a woman who was from the same country I was from but she's like twice my size and 5 inches shorter than me. He is white so we had different cultures. However she has had a harder life with more life and sex u al experience probably.

Given how obsessed you are with her looks, she is not the one with self esteem issues. And what does it mean that you equate abraded life with more sexual experience? Many people have sex simply because they like having sex, no drama there.

[Anonymous]

^equate a harder life

[Anonymous]

I think you need to speak to a therapist to work through what is holding you back in relationships. Maybe these people were the wrong people but obviously you had no interest in being fully involved with them either.

Can we all agree that the average man needs sex to be happy? My husband and I had sex 3 times a day pre kids and he was pretty upfront about never wanting to be in a sexless marriage. That would be a deal breaking for him. He's also very loyal and was religious through college. If you ever read a forum here you know many men are in unhappy marriages that is sexless.

As long as you are able to acknowledge this fact, you should be able to move forward at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a reason to judge or make fun of someone, but it is highly unusual for a healthy adult.

I agree its unusual but I am a healthy adult. Never cheated, never did drugs, never slept with anyone at 15 like my healthy physician did or the single teen moms I went to high school with. I just haven't experienced a hard driven life yet as most wild and carefree dc transplants have.

WTH!? How do you know when your doctor's first time was

I'm the 40 yr old above with ZERO experience (due to religion) and even I think you're being weird about this. If you don't want to, don't. But why be judgy of other people who are sleeping with their boyfriends or hooking up or whatever? Like for me I have made the decision that because of faith I can't/don't want to (and in answer to what others are saying -- YES even still every once in a while you see a movie or read something and have a very real desire, hell I'll even have a dream once in a while so it's not like I don't want it at all though I suspect my drive isn't that high relative to most people) -- but I realize that in the U.S./western world it IS a weird decision for an adult to make. Yet I don't judge people who want to make a different decision. Hell how do I know that in 5 years I won't re-think my whole life and suddenly be ok with sex without marriage (I mean likely not but I'm open minded enough to know that things do change sometimes).

[Anonymous]

It certainly is well outside typical range.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were what were you asked and what answers did you give? Im finding people incredulous because I'm attractive and have a job or judgemental.

I think it's fine, esp if you were brought up religious. I would be more concerned that you never had a relationship that would lead to that connection before 35.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Unless you’re a nun.

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity at 16. Will never forget those melons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

He told me he loved me within 2 weeks of meeting so didn't trust it because I wasn't in love yet. While he told me he loved me the next few months it turned out he was meeting other women.

Wow. How did you find out if you were long distance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here are all the bizarre, judgey comments OP has made (copied word for word) where she describes the degraded morals of those who do have sex versus her own pure self. OP - you have seriously messed up attitudes about sex. This is why you aren't having sex and/or why men are running away from you. Like the very first posters said, virgins at age 35 ALWAYS have baggage - and here is yours:

- I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him
- He is dating a younger woman with lower self esteem
- I dont place an importance on sex. That's the thing. I think other things are important. Personality, experiences, interests, long conversations
- Oh I also come from a culture where my mother was wealthy and sleeping with a man right away has always been low class
- The girls who are se x u ally abused usually have a high sex drive or become morbidly obese or anorexic.
- I agree its unusual but I am a healthy adult. Never cheated, never did drugs, never slept with anyone at 15 like my healthy physician did or the single teen moms I went to high school with. I just haven't experienced a hard driven life yet as most wild and carefree dc transplants have.
- My ex was a huge liar but rich so girls didn't care.
- He knew it was a lost cause and looked for a woman who was from the same country I was from but she's like twice my size and 5 inches shorter than me. He is white so we had different cultures. However she has had a harder life with more life and sex u al experience probably.

Thank you ma'am! I expected you to come out from under your rock as the prominent dc um defensive and snarky calling the kettle black troll you are!

Wow that took a lot of work! How many hours do you spend on here doing nothing?

Nope they're running towards me but I am rejecting them. I don't want to lay on my back for just anyone. If you got to where you are by doing that more power to you!

You are officially sick, OP.

Sick and sounds batshit crazy which can't be helping in the relationship department.

+1

I missed it in real time, but just read this entire thread. Quite the amusement. Also a little scary.