Is it weird to be a virgin after 35?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Never craved sex because I never had sex.

Sorry, but this points to asexual or very low drive. Even virginal teenagers want sex because hormones are driving their desires.

There is nothing wrong with you being a virgin, however, it is incompatible with what most people want in an adult relationship. Continue your life just having friends, and that sounds like it is enough for you.

Are you a woman who craved sex before having it? Im not talking when dating someone because obviously you will crave the person if there is physical attraction but just by yourself when you never had sex before?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most men are going to cheat if there’s no sex with a certain amount of time. It’s basically just a friendship. I think your bar is too high.

“You are putting the P on a pedestal” - quote from the 40 year old virgin.

He was celibate for years before me with random hookups with women who gave oral and he received but we both thought full sex was something to be shared by 2 people who loved each other so that is why I stayed and I had low self esteem which I already said some comments back. I improved the past 2 yrs. Won't keep repeating what I already said in past comments. FYI not all of us sleep with our boyfriend to quote Kris Jenner in response to Kim Kardashian saying that Everyone sleeps with their boyfriend.

I mean...pretty much all of us 35 year olds sleep with our boyfriends.

Op here not judging anyone by age but even my 16 yr old cousin has slept with boys without even dating them. Some of us are a little more reserved!

I think being a 35 year old virgin goes beyond being "a little more reserved" than not having random hookups.

Ok, so aside from your negative criticism what do you suggest? To sleep with anyone off a date app or anyone I know?

I think you should go to therapy to figure out the root cause of your intimacy issues. Why do you place such immense importance on sex (or abstinence) and why have you not been able to find someone who you love or think you love enough to want to have sex or at least be able to let go enough to say, "this doesn't have to be forever, but it makes sense right now, so this 'risk' is worth it?" I think you need to figure out why physical intimacy is not important to you in a relationship, because it should be, or why you steer so far from it. As a PP said, you have had nearly 20 years to figure this out. Most people do over time and yes, it may involve some level of heartbreak along the way, but that is what makes us fully formed emotional partners who arrive in our 30s having worked through these issues. It's concerning that sex is both super, super important in that you have been abstinent so long and also basically not important at all because I guess once you hit some sort of emotional bar, you'll take whatever even if the sex totally blows because you don't know any better and have no expectations of a physical relationship.

I would have suggested years ago that you sleep with any of these men you had multiple year relationships with and I question why you didn't. It seems really immature and yes, weird, barring some compelling reason (religion, abuse, etc.) Now I suppose you either have to rip off the bandaid and explore a little bit, or hold out and hope you can find someone else who is equally uninterested in sex as you which, let me tell you, is not a winning combination for a long term romantic relationship. Maybe a super devout widower? I honestly struggle to even think what this dating profile would look like. If you are going to rip off that bandaid, do it with whoever you want. As my mother told me, you don't have to love each other, but you should respect each other. Find someone you feel safe with who respects you and your boundaries and go for it if that's what you want. I think after such a long time you have worked up sex to be such a major thing in your mind you don't get that it can just be...normal. And it looks different and feels different in different circumstances. Different isn't always bad and there is not one ideal. But yes, I think that a therapist would help you walk through all of that and more.

I dont place an importance on sex. That's the thing. I think other things are important. Personality, experiences, interests, long conversations. Only been in 2 relationships. Never craved sex because I never had sex. Didn't date any during high school and college. Homeschooled and then went to a small college and then a mostly girls university. Places I worked at consisted of mostly women. So with guys I was always socially awkward. I probably do need to get help with my social awkwardness but I really just want to find a guy to date who is decent and non judgemental. Oh I also come from a culture where my mother was wealthy and sleeping with a man right away has always been low class. Mother was overprotective when I was younger about that.

THis makes you asexual. Which is fine but if you in a commited relationship, especially a new one, and have no real interest in sex-thats not normal. At all. Any man is going to be mighty disappointed in marriage if you arent even interested in sex in the beginnning.

Have you ever looked up what asexual actually means before talking about it?

This doesn't describe me.


a·sex·u·al
/āˈsekSH(o͞o)əl/
See definitions in:
All
Biology
Sex
Psychology
adjective
1.
not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations; nonsexual.
"he led an asexual life"
2.
BIOLOGY
(of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes.
"each polyp is capable of budding new polyps though asexual reproduction in spring"
noun
a person who has no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone

I had strong sex ua l feelings for my last 2 exes and I am sex u ally attracted to smart attractive guys.

[Anonymous]

If you have a relationship with a man for two years, where you don't prioritize sex, but do prioritize other things, then that means you have a best friend. Not a boyfriend.

You clearly didn't have that much sexual desire to them, because you literally didn't have sex.

You are asexual (or on a spectrum between 0 and high sex drive, you're a 1).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Never craved sex because I never had sex.

Sorry, but this points to asexual or very low drive. Even virginal teenagers want sex because hormones are driving their desires.

There is nothing wrong with you being a virgin, however, it is incompatible with what most people want in an adult relationship. Continue your life just having friends, and that sounds like it is enough for you.

Are you a woman who craved sex before having it? Im not talking when dating someone because obviously you will crave the person if there is physical attraction but just by yourself when you never had sex before?

Yes, many or most teenage females have strong sexual desire before dating someone. Do you get any desire watching movies or reading books? I do not want to get graphic but I remember being 13-14 and reading a sex scene in a book and I def. had desires and cravings.

Sexual desire, even as a virgin, is biology and natural.

[Anonymous]

It's not a reason to judge or make fun of someone, but it is highly unusual for a healthy adult.

[Anonymous]

OP you are making a LOT of weird judgey comments about people who have sex. Like how your BF left you to be with a woman with lower self esteem (?? or some other weird statement like that). You need to get a grip and a therapist.

[Anonymous]

My friend married a Greek Orthdox virgin.

Anal and oral did not count. To me yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Never craved sex because I never had sex.

Sorry, but this points to asexual or very low drive. Even virginal teenagers want sex because hormones are driving their desires.

There is nothing wrong with you being a virgin, however, it is incompatible with what most people want in an adult relationship. Continue your life just having friends, and that sounds like it is enough for you.

Are you a woman who craved sex before having it? Im not talking when dating someone because obviously you will crave the person if there is physical attraction but just by yourself when you never had sex before?

Yes, many or most teenage females have strong sexual desire before dating someone. Do you get any desire watching movies or reading books? I do not want to get graphic but I remember being 13-14 and reading a sex scene in a book and I def. had desires and cravings.

Sexual desire, even as a virgin, is biology and natural.

Yes definitely got those desires after reading erotica but its not like I looked for a guy to sleep with right after. Me and bf used to sext a lot when long distance and the desire was always there so it has nothing to do with me being a teen. Sex drive hasnt changed since I was a teen either. I am attracted to men but not to their personalities usually. Its rare I find a guy I really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are making a LOT of weird judgey comments about people who have sex. Like how your BF left you to be with a woman with lower self esteem (?? or some other weird statement like that). You need to get a grip and a therapist.

Read what I said again then come back.

I said I left him after finding he was on date apps.

The neck less tub of lard he is with now doesn't care he cheated in the past or

That he tried to win me back while he was seeing her.

Get a grip and read!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are making a LOT of weird judgey comments about people who have sex. Like how your BF left you to be with a woman with lower self esteem (?? or some other weird statement like that). You need to get a grip and a therapist.

Read what I said again then come back.

I said I left him after finding he was on date apps.

The neck less tub of lard he is with now doesn't care he cheated in the past or

That he tried to win me back while he was seeing her.

Get a grip and read!

OK virgin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a reason to judge or make fun of someone, but it is highly unusual for a healthy adult.

I agree its unusual but I am a healthy adult. Never cheated, never did drugs, never slept with anyone at 15 like my healthy physician did or the single teen moms I went to high school with. I just haven't experienced a hard driven life yet as most wild and carefree dc transplants have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are making a LOT of weird judgey comments about people who have sex. Like how your BF left you to be with a woman with lower self esteem (?? or some other weird statement like that). You need to get a grip and a therapist.

She's judgey as shit, a real peach. Weirdly smug about something there is nothing to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a relationship with a man for two years, where you don't prioritize sex, but do prioritize other things, then that means you have a best friend. Not a boyfriend.

You clearly didn't have that much sexual desire to them, because you literally didn't have sex.

You are asexual (or on a spectrum between 0 and high sex drive, you're a 1).

Yes thats the whole reason why I said I left him.

I realized I wanted a sex u al relationship with another man that wasn't him who actually loved me and who I could trust. My ex was a huge liar but rich so girls didn't care.

My swxual desire for him diminished everytime I thought of the faces of the women he hooked up with. He knew it was a lost cause and looked for a woman who was from the same country I was from but she's like twice my size and 5 inches shorter than me. He is white so we had different cultures. However she has had a harder life with more life and sex u al experience probably.

[Anonymous]

It is weird to be a virgin after 20.

[Anonymous]

I was 26 + waited until I got married. I think it is super personal O.P. It is not "weird". I would just assume you have not met the right person. I happen to think sex is highly over rated