Is it weird to be a virgin after 35?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 34, I think. I wasn’t hyper religious, but for quite some time I never had opportunity and inclination at the same time. I had gotten over “nice girls don’t” in my early 20s, but I also never felt like sex was just a random recreational activity or that virginity was just something to be “gotten rid of”. I had high drive at times, but I took care of myself.

So when it just felt right, I didn’t tell him. At that moment my virginity was not a big deal to me, but probably would have made him all weird and awkward, so I didn’t say anything. He still doesn’t know - 20 years later. It just never occurred to him that someone like me (not particularly religious, not particularly unattractive, etc) would not have had sec before.

If no abuse or baggage, this is how I would handle it too.

[Anonymous]

I'm definitely not religious but a catholic who doesn't attend church. Introverted parents so never got used to going.

Asexual means no sexual attraction. I was very sex ually attracted to my last ex but he cheated on me during the first year we were dating. We stayed together in a mostly long distance relationship for a few years but I felt disgusted every time I thought about his cheating and nothing happened. Wasted time there.

As a kid and teen i was bullied by kids and adults. Being shy and socially awkward and anxiety a few years ago didn't help. Now the past 2 yrs I took better care with diet and exercise and got a better job and doubled my meager salary. My self esteem has increased and I am now trying to find a better bf than my ex who cheated. I am just afraid to tell them my age for fear of criticism like you all have shown me on here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm definitely not religious but a catholic who doesn't attend church. Introverted parents so never got used to going.

Asexual means no sexual attraction. I was very sex ually attracted to my last ex but he cheated on me during the first year we were dating. We stayed together in a mostly long distance relationship for a few years but I felt disgusted every time I thought about his cheating and nothing happened. Wasted time there.

As a kid and teen i was bullied by kids and adults. Being shy and socially awkward and anxiety a few years ago didn't help. Now the past 2 yrs I took better care with diet and exercise and got a better job and doubled my meager salary. My self esteem has increased and I am now trying to find a better bf than my ex who cheated. I am just afraid to tell them my age for fear of criticism like you all have shown me on here!

But even before the cheating and long distance, it shouldn’t have taken a year of dating to sleep together.

From a practical standpoint, I’d freeze some eggs if you plan on having kids at some point.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm definitely not religious but a catholic who doesn't attend church. Introverted parents so never got used to going.

Asexual means no sexual attraction. I was very sex ually attracted to my last ex but he cheated on me during the first year we were dating. We stayed together in a mostly long distance relationship for a few years but I felt disgusted every time I thought about his cheating and nothing happened. Wasted time there.

As a kid and teen i was bullied by kids and adults. Being shy and socially awkward and anxiety a few years ago didn't help. Now the past 2 yrs I took better care with diet and exercise and got a better job and doubled my meager salary. My self esteem has increased and I am now trying to find a better bf than my ex who cheated. I am just afraid to tell them my age for fear of criticism like you all have shown me on here!

Smelling troll.


But just in case you’re not, your X cheated because there was no sexual component to the relationship. It lacked that, so he replaced it with someone else.

Having sex is part of a relationship. It’s not negotiable. When it’s absent, then that’s not a complete relationship.

[Anonymous]

You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 34, I think. I wasn’t hyper religious, but for quite some time I never had opportunity and inclination at the same time. I had gotten over “nice girls don’t” in my early 20s, but I also never felt like sex was just a random recreational activity or that virginity was just something to be “gotten rid of”. I had high drive at times, but I took care of myself.

So when it just felt right, I didn’t tell him. At that moment my virginity was not a big deal to me, but probably would have made him all weird and awkward, so I didn’t say anything. He still doesn’t know - 20 years later. It just never occurred to him that someone like me (not particularly religious, not particularly unattractive, etc) would not have had sec before.

I was 27. I did tell him but not until literally right before we had intercourse. He was surprised but it was fine. We’ve been together for 20 years also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are 1) asexual woman 2) very closeted guy man or 3) victim of sexual abuse?

Men can be asexual too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are 1) asexual woman 2) very closeted guy man or 3) victim of sexual abuse?

Men can be asexual too.

Never met one. Only a very closeted gay man now married to a woman (poor woman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

He told me he loved me within 2 weeks of meeting so didn't trust it because I wasn't in love yet. While he told me he loved me the next few months it turned out he was meeting other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

Big time.

[Anonymous]

So I’m one at 40 and yes even I’ll tell you that in western society it’s weird. For me - religion. For those who say religious ppl all marry at 22, sure but like every population some don’t find a partner. For me I’m also of a culture where parents picking out the spouse/influencing choice of spouse heavily was a thing (not true arrangement but not far off). I wasn’t into that. Wanted to go off to college, b school, make a ton of money etc so I did that. I had some faith but wasn’t truly religious. Time ticked by, didn’t find a partner. By age 33 got really religious and now I can’t see being with anyone outside my faith - where most men were taken by like 28. So yeah it’s weird but that’s what it is for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

Big time.

If intimacy issues means you were cheated on and cautious about getting close and trusting another man then yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were with your ex for a year with no sex? I’m not sure that’s realistic unless the person is very religious or low drive.

I said he cheated WITHIN the year. He cheated during the first 6 months of dating. He was ok with me being a virgin at that time. I am probably more reserved than most DC UM women but I wouldn't sleep with a guy until I know I love him.

6 month is also way too long for sex and to know if you love someone. It sounds like you have intimacy issues. Fear of being close to people.

Big time.

If intimacy issues means you were cheated on and cautious about getting close and trusting another man then yes.

And that happened last year. What was going on between ages 16 and 34?