Wife is just unimaginative with food and prefers to eat crap...at my wits’ end

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman the freezer would be stocked weekly with casseroles for her husband to heat each night. But since he’s a a man he just wants to make demands and not assign work to himself. SMH.

Certainly effing NOT. I am a woman and if I were working full time with a SAH husband cooking would absolutely be his responsibility, and I have a DH who doesn't cook. He would have to learn. As it is, we both work and I cook because it is how I relax, but if he were home all day? No way. I don't get people jumping on the OP, if you don't work, cooking is part of the job description. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it takes no time to make a sheet pan dinner, throw some meat, some veg, and potatoes on a pan. Boil water for pasta and some more to steam some veggies. It might not be the best, but it can be nutritious and is perfectly fine for kids. Living 'Fast Food Nation' in your own home is ridiculous. Of course, he should help some in some way (maybe ordering groceries delivered?) but the SAH person needs to do the bulk of the cooking, at least for the kids.

First of all, all couples have different divisions of labor. Second, OP’s spouse’s job isn’t cooking. It’s making sure her kids get fed. And she is doing that.

But perhaps the most important issue is that OP wants her spouse to change and instead of working with the reality of having a spouse who doesn’t want to cook, he’s going to keep trying things that don’t work to make her change. It’s not going to work and is just going to piss both of them off, and the kids will suffer.

OP, learn to change the things you can and accept the things you can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.

OP again. She's collecting disability for her sleep apnea so she doesn't feel a need to address this. She makes excuses about not going to the gym because of the kids so I just don't push her anymore.

I don't think starting w/ pushing her to go to the gym is the right first step.

I think you need to address the fact that if someone was fit enough to be in the military for 20 years but now is both obese and seems really overwhelmed by simple things, there's probably something going on that needs to be addressed mentally and/or physically by professionals.

[Anonymous]

There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

If OP's wife is taking the kids to McDonald's for most of their meals, I think he has a right and a responsibility to try to turn this around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

You probably have a housekeeper and nanny so to say he helps isn't meaning much if your kids do their own laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

If OP's wife is taking the kids to McDonald's for most of their meals, I think he has a right and a responsibility to try to turn this around.

She's feeding the kids. That is her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

If OP's wife is taking the kids to McDonald's for most of their meals, I think he has a right and a responsibility to try to turn this around.

Well first they have to agree on what their jobs and responsibilities are. OP and others say it’s her job to cook, but if you didn’t agree to it, it’s not your job. Now I have little kids and I certainly would not take them to McDonald’s for all their meals, and parents do need to discuss their kids’ nutrition. But storming in and saying “this is your job, here is a cookbook” is inaccurate and totally counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

You probably have a housekeeper and nanny so to say he helps isn't meaning much if your kids do their own laundry.

When I say “my husband does all the laundry” I mean “my husband does all the laundry.” We have neither a housekeeper or a nanny. But even if we did, the point is that the stay at home parent isn’t necessarily obligated to do all domestic tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman the freezer would be stocked weekly with casseroles for her husband to heat each night. But since he’s a a man he just wants to make demands and not assign work to himself. SMH.

Certainly effing NOT. I am a woman and if I were working full time with a SAH husband cooking would absolutely be his responsibility, and I have a DH who doesn't cook. He would have to learn. As it is, we both work and I cook because it is how I relax, but if he were home all day? No way. I don't get people jumping on the OP, if you don't work, cooking is part of the job description. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it takes no time to make a sheet pan dinner, throw some meat, some veg, and potatoes on a pan. Boil water for pasta and some more to steam some veggies. It might not be the best, but it can be nutritious and is perfectly fine for kids. Living 'Fast Food Nation' in your own home is ridiculous. Of course, he should help some in some way (maybe ordering groceries delivered?) but the SAH person needs to do the bulk of the cooking, at least for the kids.

First of all, all couples have different divisions of labor. Second, OP’s spouse’s job isn’t cooking. It’s making sure her kids get fed. And she is doing that.

But perhaps the most important issue is that OP wants her spouse to change and instead of working with the reality of having a spouse who doesn’t want to cook, he’s going to keep trying things that don’t work to make her change. It’s not going to work and is just going to piss both of them off, and the kids will suffer.

OP, learn to change the things you can and accept the things you can’t.

I agree there are different divisions of labor, but "making sure the kids are fed" which she is doing, is in a way that is deleterious to their health and hers. I think the "getting fed" comes with a caveat of "in a decently healthy way." Technically, she could only hit up 7/11 and bottle feed the kids some coke with a side of cut up hot dogs, Twizzlers, and nachos with fake cheese, but I think most people would agree that is not a great approach for 3 meals a day, no? Pretty Honey Boo Boo and all the obesity and health issues that follow. So yeah, she needs to find an alternative and she is isn't pulling 75 hr weeks so this seems like a reasonable ask. Hell, she could basically stock up on Trader Joes frozen food to defrost in the microwave and do a better job than Burger King multiple times a week. There have been many, many easy meal suggestions.

I do agree things like a cookbook won't help someone who has no interest in cooking. Something like the suggested Hello Fresh that he starts initially and then transitions to her responsibility may help. I am an experienced cook, but both the planning and then the cooking can be overwhelming. These subscriptions at least eliminate that.

If nothing else, for the kids, she can learn to throw some pre-cooked chicken, cut up vegetables, and fruit at them. Boring but still better than fast food crap.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to tell you this, but I’m going to, as a cautionary tale.

DH’s ex is like this. After they were married, she couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger - not to help herself, or to grow as a human, or (later) to model healthy behavior for her kids. She didn’t want to cook, wanted to eat fast food, didn’t want to eat “anything green”, didn’t want to be active. He cooked, cleaned, went to school, became a professional, and had a slob for a wife for practically the entire time. When the kids came, unfortunately, he let her win all of those battles during their formative years.

As it turns out, they simply could never get on the same page. After the divorce, nothing changed. Their kids have extremely limited palates, live on junk, are obese.

If you love her, maybe marriage counseling can help - but, as you likely know, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. Maybe you and she simply won’t ever see eye to eye - and then you get to decide if you can live with that. From what I have seen, that road is a pretty soul sucking choice...

[Anonymous]

People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

[Anonymous]

Can you do the grocery shopping? Make sure there is always oatmeal, cold cereals, milk, almond milk, cheese, butter, eggs, bacon, sausage, whole grain bread, kosher hot dogs, frozen burgers, canned tuna, cold cuts, bagged salads, raw fruits and pre cut veggies, sweet and white potatoes, frozen veggies and fries. Deli potato salad and cole slaw. Already cooked rotisserie chicken, frozen battered fish, frozen pizza, frozen lasagna etc. Later you can add raw meats, seafood, fish and raw poultry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

What is with the phrase take the trouble” when it comes to picking up fast food, It is pretty much the easiest way to get food. I am not endorsing it, juat wondering why OP and this poster are making it sound like the wife is going out of her way to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

You probably have a housekeeper and nanny so to say he helps isn't meaning much if your kids do their own laundry.

When I say “my husband does all the laundry” I mean “my husband does all the laundry.” We have neither a housekeeper or a nanny. But even if we did, the point is that the stay at home parent isn’t necessarily obligated to do all domestic tasks.

Laundry is one task and the easiest. Big deal. Who cleans the house, shops, cooks, yard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

If OP's wife is taking the kids to McDonald's for most of their meals, I think he has a right and a responsibility to try to turn this around.

She's feeding the kids. That is her responsibility.

She must feed her kids appropriately. If you saw a child in the middle of winter dressed in sandals, shorts, and t-shirt, would you shrug your shoulders and say “well, she’s clothed her children, that’s all that matters”? No. The clothing is inappropriate and harmful to the child. So is fast food all the time.