Wife is just unimaginative with food and prefers to eat crap...at my wits’ end

[Anonymous]

If the gender roles were reversed the answers would be different:

"My husband stays home with the kids, but always gets them fast food or Mac and cheese. He doesn't want to learn to cook."

The answers would a be "if you care so much what the kids eat, then you do the meal prep so he can just heat it up. Not everyone has to be a good cook."

[Anonymous]

How is it that you failed to notice her eating and cooking habits while you were dating and when you were married but did not have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were you eating before she retired? If she just separated from the military, she had PT and H/W requirements to serve. Has she always eaten crap? Have you guys eaten crap together? This isn't new.

Now to be helpful. Mark Bittman's books on How to Cook Everything, they are great for setting up a 'system' for eating. Certain basics with interchangeable ingredients/variables.

OP again. She was in the Air Force and did eat on base for most of the time. She had a weight problem when we married but it’s gotten worse since kids. I cooked more often before she retired so all these problems were not as apparent. She seems to be perfectly fine just existing on chicken nuggets and doughnuts on a daily basis.

She “seems to be fine.” Huh? This is your wife and you’re guessing how she is feeling about her eating habits? Come on, dude. Step up and talk to her. “I’m struggling with how much fast food you and the kids are eating. I’d like to look at ways we can both provide healthier, home-prepared meals. What’s your thinking about that?” My sense is that you’re filling in a lot of gaps and thinking you can throw solutions (like a cookbook) at her without ever sitting down and engaging in a real dialogue with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

She is taking care of meals. They're eating.

Want better? Do better. Buy better. Get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does her being retired military have to do with things? She should dump you. You are annoying.

I'm the PP who was a horrible cook until recently. I agree with OP that having a spouse who takes kids to the drive through multiple times a week is very frustrating. OP has every right to be concerned that his kids are eating healthy food. That said, telling her what to do is not going to work. As some other PPs mentioned, if she's got sleep apnea, she's probably tired all the time so that's cutting down her motivation. OP, is she planning on doing anything about the obesity/sleep apnea?

[Anonymous]

Unless you're cooking the meals, Op ... you have no say

[Anonymous]

My husband has found some confidence watching YouTube cooking videos. It sounds like she doesn’t know where to begin or execute a meal. I’d pick a few recipes out together and show her how to check ingredients needed against what you have stocked me and what you need from grocery store to complete. Show her how to write up a grocery list according to department and go together a few times. It seems labor intensive, but can help. Some people really don’t know how to do the basics, especially if they have been operating as a service drone their adult life.

[Anonymous]

Little people don't eat that much, and you can feed the kids separately. I suggest going grocery shopping as a family. Little kids will always eat fruit. There's your side for all meals. My kids always ate broccoli florets. One meal my kids raved about that is so easy: Pepperidge Farm pastry shells with sliced grilled chicken and some cream of chicken soup on top. Get the already sliced grilled chicken in the meat department. Work with her to get a decent meal together and then thank her and give her credit for the effort. See if you can get the 4 year old interested in how cooking works. I think she's being passive aggressive with the trips to Burger King, but you've got to support her and not be mansplaining.

[Anonymous]

Learn to use the crock pot. When you are home, put the ingredients in and turn it on in time for dinner for your family.

Do the shopping and meal planning. Provide items for healthy snacks that don't require cooking.

That is what a working mom would do if her DH was incapable of cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does her being retired military have to do with things? She should dump you. You are annoying.

I'm the PP who was a horrible cook until recently. I agree with OP that having a spouse who takes kids to the drive through multiple times a week is very frustrating. OP has every right to be concerned that his kids are eating healthy food. That said, telling her what to do is not going to work. As some other PPs mentioned, if she's got sleep apnea, she's probably tired all the time so that's cutting down her motivation. OP, is she planning on doing anything about the obesity/sleep apnea?

She needs to see a doctor--my guess is the obesity and sleep apnea are a recent thing and she is not working with a medical professional on managing them (she could not have been obese before because you have to meet military weight requirements).

A lot of former military ignore their health when they exit, same thing with a lot of new moms who are overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

She is taking care of meals. They're eating.

Want better? Do better. Buy better. Get involved.

That's absurd. You think it's acceptable for SAHP to only buy takeout and processed crap for the kids, and if the other parent expresses concern it is his or her responsibility to prepare healthy food? Nonsense.

Part of being a SAHP is taking care of the kids, and that means trying at least a little to feed them healthy food.

Has this post struck a nerve with you for some reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

NP. She’s providing food, but he doesn’t like the food she is providing. If he doesn’t like what she is cooking, he should cook. I would give that advice to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do all day? Sleep?

Is money an issue? I'm assuming you aren't rolling in the dough if you are doing nightshift work and she's staying at home.

Yep, it's always the man's fault.

Nobody said that it's his fault. But those are valid questions because they help determine what solutions are available to them.

[Anonymous]

If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.