Wife is just unimaginative with food and prefers to eat crap...at my wits’ end

[Anonymous]

Losing a career for a man and losing a career for a woman is a big loss of identity. Plus, we’re living through almost a year of lockdown. I make our toddler amazing meals - but we have full-time childcare and a cleaning lady twice a month. Let’s stop mommy shaming and wife shaming. Start cooking on Sundays - crockpot stews; pots of rice or quinoa; baked sweet potatoes; veggie patties. Freeze half. Stock the fridge with pickles, olives, carrot sticks, celery sticks, yogurt, cottage cheese, prepackaged cheeses. Then all she has to do is heat up or make a quick omelet. Feeding your kids is a JOINT task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a career for a man and losing a career for a woman is a big loss of identity. Plus, we’re living through almost a year of lockdown. I make our toddler amazing meals - but we have full-time childcare and a cleaning lady twice a month. Let’s stop mommy shaming and wife shaming. Start cooking on Sundays - crockpot stews; pots of rice or quinoa; baked sweet potatoes; veggie patties. Freeze half. Stock the fridge with pickles, olives, carrot sticks, celery sticks, yogurt, cottage cheese, prepackaged cheeses. Then all she has to do is heat up or make a quick omelet. Feeding your kids is a JOINT task.

Yeah I think active duty military to having two kids and health issues being a stay at home mom while husband works night shifts - a huge, huge change in identity especially paired with the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

Agree. She should be doing majority of the cooking and needs to learn. It can be basic but healthy. I had terrible parents that never cooked and fed up a lot of things from cans and fast food. I learned to cook as an adult. It is harder to learn anything once you already have kids, but she has to. Get her a beginner cook book with easy recipes to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a career for a man and losing a career for a woman is a big loss of identity. Plus, we’re living through almost a year of lockdown. I make our toddler amazing meals - but we have full-time childcare and a cleaning lady twice a month. Let’s stop mommy shaming and wife shaming. Start cooking on Sundays - crockpot stews; pots of rice or quinoa; baked sweet potatoes; veggie patties. Freeze half. Stock the fridge with pickles, olives, carrot sticks, celery sticks, yogurt, cottage cheese, prepackaged cheeses. Then all she has to do is heat up or make a quick omelet. Feeding your kids is a JOINT task.

She is home all day. This is her job now. So he should work full time AND do all of the cooking for the entire week on Sunday? That is bananas.

She can put some chicken breasts in the oven and roast some broccoli. Cooking doesn't need to be hard, but it does take some planning and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're cooking the meals, Op ... you have no say

He is an equal parent and his concerns about the lack of vegetables and overuse of fast food are 100 percent valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

What is with the phrase take the trouble” when it comes to picking up fast food, It is pretty much the easiest way to get food. I am not endorsing it, juat wondering why OP and this poster are making it sound like the wife is going out of her way to get it.

That jumped out at me too. It's so easy to drive 5 minutes, then throw all the trash away instead of cooking and doing dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

What is with the phrase take the trouble” when it comes to picking up fast food, It is pretty much the easiest way to get food. I am not endorsing it, juat wondering why OP and this poster are making it sound like the wife is going out of her way to get it.

That jumped out at me too. It's so easy to drive 5 minutes, then throw all the trash away instead of cooking and doing dishes.

You forget that she has kids. She has to strap them into the vehicle, drive, wait, order, and then drive back home. She can easily heat up a healthy-ish meal but decides not to.

[Anonymous]

Figure out a way to make cooking fun for your whole family. Their kids are young so find meals that will appeal to them as well
Start easy
She may be depressed too. Exercise will help but she has to want to exercise. I gained 10 lbs during COVID on top of baby weight I was still holding onto. Only in November did I snap out of it. My doctors were screaming about my weight and my labs. I finally realized that for myself and my family I had to make a change. It starts small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

What is with the phrase take the trouble” when it comes to picking up fast food, It is pretty much the easiest way to get food. I am not endorsing it, juat wondering why OP and this poster are making it sound like the wife is going out of her way to get it.

That jumped out at me too. It's so easy to drive 5 minutes, then throw all the trash away instead of cooking and doing dishes.

You forget that she has kids. She has to strap them into the vehicle, drive, wait, order, and then drive back home. She can easily heat up a healthy-ish meal but decides not to.

What healthy meal?
It can be quite easy to get a 1 and 4 year old in the car, especially if they know there is food coming (or maybe a happy meal toy)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who don't like to eat vegetables are just weird. People who take the trouble of driving to get fast food on a daily basis are even weirder. I think the OP's wife is just dull as a person.

What is with the phrase take the trouble” when it comes to picking up fast food, It is pretty much the easiest way to get food. I am not endorsing it, juat wondering why OP and this poster are making it sound like the wife is going out of her way to get it.

That jumped out at me too. It's so easy to drive 5 minutes, then throw all the trash away instead of cooking and doing dishes.

You forget that she has kids. She has to strap them into the vehicle, drive, wait, order, and then drive back home. She can easily heat up a healthy-ish meal but decides not to.

As opposed to figuring out what food they will eat, strapping the kids in the vehicle, driving to the store, shopping with the kids, putting groceries away, cooking, praying that the kids will eat the food, cleaning up the food, washing the dishes, all while making sure the food in the fridge doesn’t go bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing a career for a man and losing a career for a woman is a big loss of identity. Plus, we’re living through almost a year of lockdown. I make our toddler amazing meals - but we have full-time childcare and a cleaning lady twice a month. Let’s stop mommy shaming and wife shaming. Start cooking on Sundays - crockpot stews; pots of rice or quinoa; baked sweet potatoes; veggie patties. Freeze half. Stock the fridge with pickles, olives, carrot sticks, celery sticks, yogurt, cottage cheese, prepackaged cheeses. Then all she has to do is heat up or make a quick omelet. Feeding your kids is a JOINT task.

She is home all day. This is her job now. So he should work full time AND do all of the cooking for the entire week on Sunday? That is bananas.

She can put some chicken breasts in the oven and roast some broccoli. Cooking doesn't need to be hard, but it does take some planning and effort.

Her job is making sure the kids are fed. It’s not her job to learn how to cook and go through the planning and effort just because she’s the stay at home parent. Yes McDonald’s isn’t ideal, but I’m sure you have a job that you could be doing better but you don’t for various reasons.

Also congrats on having a one year old that will eat chicken breasts and broccoli. Mine didn’t go for food like that until they were six or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

You probably have a housekeeper and nanny so to say he helps isn't meaning much if your kids do their own laundry.

When I say “my husband does all the laundry” I mean “my husband does all the laundry.” We have neither a housekeeper or a nanny. But even if we did, the point is that the stay at home parent isn’t necessarily obligated to do all domestic tasks.

Laundry is one task and the easiest. Big deal. Who cleans the house, shops, cooks, yard work.

Sheesh why can’t people understand the point I’m making, which is very clearly “the stay at home parent isn’t necessarily obligated to do all domestic tasks?” I never said it was heroic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP were a woman the freezer would be stocked weekly with casseroles for her husband to heat each night. But since he’s a a man he just wants to make demands and not assign work to himself. SMH.

Certainly effing NOT. I am a woman and if I were working full time with a SAH husband cooking would absolutely be his responsibility, and I have a DH who doesn't cook. He would have to learn. As it is, we both work and I cook because it is how I relax, but if he were home all day? No way. I don't get people jumping on the OP, if you don't work, cooking is part of the job description. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it takes no time to make a sheet pan dinner, throw some meat, some veg, and potatoes on a pan. Boil water for pasta and some more to steam some veggies. It might not be the best, but it can be nutritious and is perfectly fine for kids. Living 'Fast Food Nation' in your own home is ridiculous. Of course, he should help some in some way (maybe ordering groceries delivered?) but the SAH person needs to do the bulk of the cooking, at least for the kids.

First of all, all couples have different divisions of labor. Second, OP’s spouse’s job isn’t cooking. It’s making sure her kids get fed. And she is doing that.

But perhaps the most important issue is that OP wants her spouse to change and instead of working with the reality of having a spouse who doesn’t want to cook, he’s going to keep trying things that don’t work to make her change. It’s not going to work and is just going to piss both of them off, and the kids will suffer.

OP, learn to change the things you can and accept the things you can’t.

Do not accept feeding your children fast food and no vegetables. This falls under the "change it" category, even if that means you have to do it and not the SAH parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.

OP again. She's collecting disability for her sleep apnea so she doesn't feel a need to address this. She makes excuses about not going to the gym because of the kids so I just don't push her anymore.

I don't think starting w/ pushing her to go to the gym is the right first step.

I think you need to address the fact that if someone was fit enough to be in the military for 20 years but now is both obese and seems really overwhelmed by simple things, there's probably something going on that needs to be addressed mentally and/or physically by professionals.

Agree. Recommend an evaluation for depression. That's being the very best friend you can be to your wife right now, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no rule that says the stay at home prentice must do all domestic tasks. DH is a big law attorney and I’m a stay at home mom and he does all the laundry (including making the older kids do their own laundry). We have a division of labor that we have discussed and agreed upon, and it works well for us. You can’t say it’s somebody’s job to do something just because they’re the stay at home parent (except supervise the kids) and you certainly can’t say *how* they should do that job.

If OP's wife is taking the kids to McDonald's for most of their meals, I think he has a right and a responsibility to try to turn this around.

She's feeding the kids. That is her responsibility.

There's more to that responsibility than just going to McD's. No parent should accept this status quo.