Why are parents so unempowered?

[Anonymous]

OP Here - Tough crowd. What I wanted to do was to note the fact that so many moms I know are frustrated in failing to get outcomes they want for their children but are scared that by being straight up or prescriptive (I mean that word in its traditional sense) with their kiddies they will be upsetting them or worse. It seems anomolous to me because, in my not encyclopidic experience, I’ve noticed that kids seem to feel so secure when they know the ground rules and adults provide good strucutre in a loving, nurturing and questioning environment. I believe it’s possible to have happy babies while maintaining a family perspective that makes some things not ideal (hitting, spitting, throwing a tanty because the last cookies won’t be forthcoming), refusing to go to bed, etc) and a LOT of things celebrated (everything you want your child to do). Contrary to the armchair analysts: I am not smug – indeed I question my every move; and I certinly don’t (to quote one poster) ‘bark’ at my children. Nor do I think I have found any one ideal way to raise a child. I’m just muddling along with everyone else. I think that most things that need to be said on this thread have been and (at the risk of being accused as a control freak – thank you ananymous poster) I’m thinking this thread is about done. It seems to me that there is a clear dinstiction between people who think that parents should take more of a leading role and those who think that children are fine having less structure. That’s all good. I would like to thank the posters who provided thoughful insights into this issue. I’m always evaluating my approach and some of the perspective have been really helpful. My husband and I have both read them and have appreciated the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here - Tough crowd. What I wanted to do was to note the fact that so many moms I know are frustrated in failing to get outcomes they want for their children but are scared that by being straight up or prescriptive (I mean that word in its traditional sense) with their kiddies they will be upsetting them or worse. It seems anomolous to me because, in my not encyclopidic experience, I’ve noticed that kids seem to feel so secure when they know the ground rules and adults provide good strucutre in a loving, nurturing and questioning environment. I believe it’s possible to have happy babies while maintaining a family perspective that makes some things not ideal (hitting, spitting, throwing a tanty because the last cookies won’t be forthcoming), refusing to go to bed, etc) and a LOT of things celebrated (everything you want your child to do). Contrary to the armchair analysts: I am not smug – indeed I question my every move; and I certinly don’t (to quote one poster) ‘bark’ at my children. Nor do I think I have found any one ideal way to raise a child. I’m just muddling along with everyone else. I think that most things that need to be said on this thread have been and (at the risk of being accused as a control freak – thank you ananymous poster) I’m thinking this thread is about done. It seems to me that there is a clear dinstiction between people who think that parents should take more of a leading role and those who think that children are fine having less structure. That’s all good. I would like to thank the posters who provided thoughful insights into this issue. I’m always evaluating my approach and some of the perspective have been really helpful. My husband and I have both read them and have appreciated the feedback.

You are absolutely right. Kids actually will fear not having boundaries. It gives them comfort to know there is a line they can't cross. I would not change my approach at all. The moms that have a problem with what your saying probably have the most unruly households. Kids need to respect their parents first, because then they will respect teachers, police officers, etc. They have to know that their is a boss in the household and it's not them.