Girlfriend Cheated On Me

[Anonymous]

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

If women are great liars, then you would expect that far fewer of them would get caught. So then more guys don't cheat; more guys just get caught

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing her. Women are such good liars that, even when found out they will trickle truth you and greatly minimize the truth.

So you giys didn't have sex until 5th date while she let you believe she was single when you met and not seeing anyone while dating you? But she bangs this guy during that time? And it was just once? Hey, if you believe that then maybe you can go forward. I've been lied to by enough women that I'd never believe it.

Why don't you ask that other guy? Say hey, I know you two were together for a while. Want to make sure that's completely over before I get serious with her. Then try to have a friendly conversation with him where you can find out more. Then go back to her for more trickle truth and MI izing

No point in asking the other guy. OP doesn’t trust his girlfriend to tell the truth. The relationship is dead. He will always be wondering and looking for her to mess around.

I definitely continued dating others before my husband and I spoke and decided to be exclusive. He was too. I was not going to assume he was committed to me until he said so, and therefore I was single and acted accordingly.

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

Not me. From the first date (really first time I laid eyes on him), I was hooked. Zero desire to date anyone else. We were together all of the time immediately. 25 years later...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing her. Women are such good liars that, even when found out they will trickle truth you and greatly minimize the truth.

So you giys didn't have sex until 5th date while she let you believe she was single when you met and not seeing anyone while dating you? But she bangs this guy during that time? And it was just once? Hey, if you believe that then maybe you can go forward. I've been lied to by enough women that I'd never believe it.

Why don't you ask that other guy? Say hey, I know you two were together for a while. Want to make sure that's completely over before I get serious with her. Then try to have a friendly conversation with him where you can find out more. Then go back to her for more trickle truth and MI izing

No point in asking the other guy. OP doesn’t trust his girlfriend to tell the truth. The relationship is dead. He will always be wondering and looking for her to mess around.

I definitely continued dating others before my husband and I spoke and decided to be exclusive. He was too. I was not going to assume he was committed to me until he said so, and therefore I was single and acted accordingly.

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

Not me. From the first date (really first time I laid eyes on him), I was hooked. Zero desire to date anyone else. We were together all of the time immediately. 25 years later...

See, OP? She was never hooked on you. You shouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t hooked on you from the get-go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your ego is hurt because you found out she slept with someone else after she met you, but she didn't cheat on you. Part of dating, especially that early on when you haven't even been physical yet is figuring out who you like most. She did exactly that. Leave her or be with her, but to hold it over her head and put her on some kind of probationary period is very immature of you.

Yeah you should have no problem with her having an infinite number of dicks inside her while she's dating you. She's just deciding which dick she likes most.

I agree there should be no "probationary period" though. Kick her to the kerb and find a woman with some integrity.

Well....YES! Duhhh!!!!

Right? PP posted like that was a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Here's hoping girlfriend is seeing the true colors of this man she is with and leaves him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's hoping girlfriend is seeing the true colors of this man she is with and leaves him.

Im pretty quick to see misogyny in any corner (my husband gets tired of it), but i don't see misogyny in OP's posts. In his first post, he had recently found out that his GF - whom he was close to proposing to -- slept with someone as as recently as 17% into the timeline of their entire relationship. Seventeen percent!!! That's a huge amount of the time they've been together, and no wonder it can put his understanding of their relationship in a different light.

While Millennials have bizarrely been able to convince themselves that you have no obligation to the feelings of the person you're dating until you have an exclusivity conversation, the generations before them did not follow this protocol. I'm cusp gen X-gen Y, and like another gen X poster, you would never have dated 2 people at once unless you were a jerk. Even if millennials have normalized this crappy behavior, it's not unreasonable for someone to be hurt by it. Much like ghosting friends has been normalized in the last 15 years, it doesn't mean that the victim isn't entitled to be hurt, or that the victim can't judge the ghoster. By the same token, if OP thinks it reflects badly on his GF for her to have been dating multiple people before the exclusivity convo (like anyone over the age of 35 feels), then i'm not sure why this is misogyny. Those are valid feelings, and feels like a violation of your trust or what *he* understood were the basic building blocks of their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

Yeah and I bet she was telling OP “let’s take it slow” while she was still banging this other guy. Maybe you think she was “not wrong” to keep her options open but OP is certainly entitled to think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“If the tables were turned I wouldn't let this one thing from those early days”

LOL yeah I’m sure you wouldn’t be outraged at all to find out a guy was banging some other chick for two months while he was dating you. 🙄

It wouldn't be an issue for me either. I assume that the guys I go out with are having sex elsewhere until we are exclusive. If a coworker's friend said "Oh I hooked up with him until he got serious with someone else", I'd take that as a good sign of his character. This is a non-issue.

“Good character” is hooking up with multiple people now. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

Yeah and I bet she was telling OP “let’s take it slow” while she was still banging this other guy. Maybe you think she was “not wrong” to keep her options open but OP is certainly entitled to think otherwise.

If you believe her version of the story...

I think the real version is one some of the other pps spelled out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

Yeah and I bet she was telling OP “let’s take it slow” while she was still banging this other guy. Maybe you think she was “not wrong” to keep her options open but OP is certainly entitled to think otherwise.

You are speculating and projecting. You don’t know any of that. I’m going only based off of what OP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

But they'd been on multiple dates, presumably were making out, etc etc. It's not like they were nothing but friends who met for coffee dates.

Again, you millennials can spin this as "normal" as much as you want it, but it's not unreasonable for someone to want to be the only person "dating" his GF - whether they have had sex yet or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

Before she slept with OP!!!! Which means she wasn’t sleeping with both of them at the same time. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates and once she thought she wanted to get serious with OP, she told the other guy she was done. She did nothing wrong.

But they'd been on multiple dates, presumably were making out, etc etc. It's not like they were nothing but friends who met for coffee dates.

Again, you millennials can spin this as "normal" as much as you want it, but it's not unreasonable for someone to want to be the only person "dating" his GF - whether they have had sex yet or not.

I am not a millennial, and neither were my parents or grandparents. I can assure you, dating multiple people was a very normal thing. It's just that what constitutes "dating" nowadays is far different than it was. Dating for them was picking up the girl at her parents house and taking her out to dinner and/or dancing, then back home whenever her parents said to. No "Netflix and Chill".