Girlfriend Cheated On Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op- I don't like the sound of this. The way it came out--and only then her saying something. She sounds dishonest. If a year in and you don't know prior history--most people when they get serious volunteer everything about past relationship and timelines.

Shady. She sounds shady. Think about if you want to find out about her multiple Ashley Madison affairs in 20 years when you are married and have kids with her.

In my experience this is not true.

+1

I asked my BF and he was like "You don't really want to know all that" ... he definitely did NOT volunteer the information!! and he doesn't care to know mine, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op- I don't like the sound of this. The way it came out--and only then her saying something. She sounds dishonest. If a year in and you don't know prior history--most people when they get serious volunteer everything about past relationship and timelines.

Shady. She sounds shady. Think about if you want to find out about her multiple Ashley Madison affairs in 20 years when you are married and have kids with her.

In my experience this is not true.

+1

I asked my BF and he was like "You don't really want to know all that" ... he definitely did NOT volunteer the information!! and he doesn't care to know mine, either.

I would agree to that in reference to relationships that are years in the past. I don't need to know what my wife did 5-10 years ago, and she sure as hell doesn't want to know what I did. But when it comes to the immediate past, like what OP described, I would disagree. If something was going on at the time we met, I would want to know because it will retroactively be considered as happening during your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are no longer together. More information came out and it wasn’t one time. The guy said they had been hooping up for months until he got back with his ex. His timeline would put them still sleeping together when we were 3-4 months into dating. She admitted it was more hens once but didn’t want to say anything because she realized she really liked me. I broke up with her and I’m moving on.

Best of luck out there Dating in the Time of Covid

OP- it will hurt now- but this is a fantastic. I could tell you what it’s like down the road when you ignore your gut and red flags. You did the right thing.

She is deceitful and immature. The cheating speaks to deeper issues with her.

+100

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He is a man with feelings and his feeling are his truth and valid. That is all that matters. Feelings = truth. The bonus is that as a man with feelings he has overcome toxic masculinity. The problem here is that as soon as he expressed his truth many people on this post started to denigrate him for having those feelings. It is wrong to force your values onto him by telling him they were not exclusive etc. If he feels upset about it then #truth.

all of that can be true along with the fact that she did nothing wrong.

Yes, she did something wrong. She was wrong not to be completely straightforward with OP about her sleeping with other men even before she and OP were “exclusive”. He deserved to have that information so that he could express his opinion about it. If he breaks up with her now because she wasn’t totally honest up front, that’s on her.

No, honey. That's on him. She owed him nothing. They went on five dates before she stopped seeing the other guy!!! I can't imagine telling a guy I've been on five dates with everyone I slept with. You sound deranged.

Whoops!

Whoops what? What I said based on what OP posted originally still stands. Now that he knows she ACTUALLY cheated on him my opinion is different. Lying is not ok, but he did not pot anything originally indicating that she lied and cheated.

There were plenty of indications that more was going on, as multiple posters pointed out. You just chose to ignore it.

Not by anything OP posted. Only what you all chose to invent based on your sad lives and projection.

It appears none of it was invented.

Yes, it was until OP's update this morning.

Lol, if something actually happened, it wasn't invented.

I can see you're one of "those" types. Never wrong, and always an explanation for everything. Can't help people like that, so I'm out. Take care!

Nope, I'm wrong a lot. I'm just not wrong in this instance and I don't back down to internet bullies like you. You had no idea that you were going to be right today. You speculated and guessed yesterday and it turned out today that she was cheating. But you had no proof for that yesterday. I have no time for fools who can't read. Bye.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t call this cheating.

You weren’t in a long term relationship, you weren’t engaged or married. You had only just started dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call this cheating.

You weren’t in a long term relationship, you weren’t engaged or married. You had only just started dating.

I wouldn't exactly say 3-4 months would be "just started dating". But maybe that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call this cheating.

You weren’t in a long term relationship, you weren’t engaged or married. You had only just started dating.

I wouldn't exactly say 3-4 months would be "just started dating". But maybe that's just me.

Ah I read 1-2 months. But 3-4 months is still early in. There may not have been a love connection at that point and you aren’t bound to each other. It is just dating. Once the “I love yous” have been said, that is the point when anything done outside the relationship would be considered cheating to me. Before that, you are just getting to know each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are no longer together. More information came out and it wasn’t one time. The guy said they had been hooping up for months until he got back with his ex. His timeline would put them still sleeping together when we were 3-4 months into dating. She admitted it was more hens once but didn’t want to say anything because she realized she really liked me. I broke up with her and I’m moving on.

I’m confused. I thought the other guy told your friend that it was a one time thing when someone asked how you found out. Did that story suddenly change? That’s a heck of a memory fail for the guy to go from thinking it was one time and he was dumped to remembering he was together multiple times and then went back to an ex.

OP here. My buddy’s co-worker is the guy. They were hanging out and he saw pics of all of us together and asked who I was. He told my friend that they had a one time thing but she stopped talking to him after she met someone she was serious about. I don’t really know the exact time they slept together but I know it was within the first two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are no longer together. More information came out and it wasn’t one time. The guy said they had been hooping up for months until he got back with his ex. His timeline would put them still sleeping together when we were 3-4 months into dating. She admitted it was more hens once but didn’t want to say anything because she realized she really liked me. I broke up with her and I’m moving on.

Sorry, man, but stay strong. She will certainly try to wheedle her way back into your good graces. Just Say No. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Until there's a conversation about exclusivity and the direction of the relationship, it's unfair to hold people to commitments that they haven't made. This conversation can occur very early on but the conversation still has to happen first. Generally speaking, even 3-4 months is still early enough that it's still casual dating and neither parties owe each other anything.

OP's girlfriend (who didn't owe him anything at that point) stopping dating the other guy so that she could pursue a serious relationship with OP. And his response to this information was to break up with her. I guess the girlfriend dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until there's a conversation about exclusivity and the direction of the relationship, it's unfair to hold people to commitments that they haven't made. This conversation can occur very early on but the conversation still has to happen first. Generally speaking, even 3-4 months is still early enough that it's still casual dating and neither parties owe each other anything.

OP's girlfriend (who didn't owe him anything at that point) stopping dating the other guy so that she could pursue a serious relationship with OP. And his response to this information was to break up with her. I guess the girlfriend dodged a bullet.

No. She owed him basic honesty, but didn’t provide it. He is the one who dodged a bullet. Breaking up with her saved him a world of pain and expense.

And now she can go ahead and lie by omission to lots of other guys because she doesn’t owe them common decency. 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until there's a conversation about exclusivity and the direction of the relationship, it's unfair to hold people to commitments that they haven't made. This conversation can occur very early on but the conversation still has to happen first. Generally speaking, even 3-4 months is still early enough that it's still casual dating and neither parties owe each other anything.

OP's girlfriend (who didn't owe him anything at that point) stopping dating the other guy so that she could pursue a serious relationship with OP. And his response to this information was to break up with her. I guess the girlfriend dodged a bullet.

They became exclusive at some point, we don't know when. From OP's original post it sounds like that was probably right after 1-2 months (he wasn't sure if they were exclusive at that point). He wasn't going to break up with her for sleeping with the other guy at that point, even if it bothered him. It sounds like they were exclusive by 3-4 months, so yeah she kinda did owe him something at that point. Also, if the info he got was correct, it only stopped because the other guy got back with his ex; it wasn't some decision she made to be serious with OP. Don't think she was the one who dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

She lied by ommision and then lied when caught. Once caught, she trickle truthed by saying it was just that one time. So he dug deeper and found out that was a lie. Now he k ows the true person he is dealing with. One who will always lie and double down on her lies when caught. He dodged a huge bullet here.

[Anonymous]

And we all thought she chose OP, oh well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are no longer together. More information came out and it wasn’t one time. The guy said they had been hooping up for months until he got back with his ex. His timeline would put them still sleeping together when we were 3-4 months into dating. She admitted it was more hens once but didn’t want to say anything because she realized she really liked me. I broke up with her and I’m moving on.

So sorry op but I am so glad you found out now. It sucks but at least you can move on and find someone honest, you sound like a really great guy and deserve so much more than what she offered.