Happily Married but also love someone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22 years married. My husband and I have been getting dinner and a fancy hotel room Saturday evenings. We check in around 4pm and head back home to our 12&15 year old around 11pm. They are loving the unfettered time with pizza delivery and we have experience deeper levels of intimacy...and hot sex.

After years of being kid-focused we are back! It feels like coming home again...and we have daily sex now.

Sometimes it takes losing almost everything you love deeply for a person to change.

Love it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband hates his psychotic ex-AP and we have crazy good sex twice a day during COVID. She was looking for an exit affair. He was in the throes of a midlife crisis dealing with childhood trauma. We have always had a very passionate sex life. Both still hot 24 years later.

She was short and fatter and not young (50). Also, not smart, no career. Variety for sure. You have filet mignon, had to see what 7 Eleven chili dog is about...

Nah. He left McD for BK and decided they are the same, so he stayed. Had he ever had filet mignon, he’d never had a reason to compare the dollar menus. He would’ve tried prime rib. Just thought you should know the truth.

Not sure he would sign a 70-30 post-nup, beg, cry and plead ...and go to individual therapy 3 days per week and be f@cking McD 3 times per day ...that’s a lot of effort to keep McDs. Filet Mignon can get anyone ...doesn’t need to sell itself short and stay with a cheater.

So you’ve made my point. You aren’t filet mignon or prime rib. Had you been, you’re spouse wouldn’t have gone sniffing. And, more importantly, as you said “Filet Mignon can get anyone ...doesn’t need to sell itself short and stay with a cheater” Apparently, you stay because you are on the dollar menu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband hates his psychotic ex-AP and we have crazy good sex twice a day during COVID. She was looking for an exit affair. He was in the throes of a midlife crisis dealing with childhood trauma. We have always had a very passionate sex life. Both still hot 24 years later.

She was short and fatter and not young (50). Also, not smart, no career. Variety for sure. You have filet mignon, had to see what 7 Eleven chili dog is about...

Nah. He left McD for BK and decided they are the same, so he stayed. Had he ever had filet mignon, he’d never had a reason to compare the dollar menus. He would’ve tried prime rib. Just thought you should know the truth.

Not sure he would sign a 70-30 post-nup, beg, cry and plead ...and go to individual therapy 3 days per week and be f@cking McD 3 times per day ...that’s a lot of effort to keep McDs. Filet Mignon can get anyone ...doesn’t need to sell itself short and stay with a cheater.

Don't argue with someone anonymous trying to make you feel bad. I believe you. Men often cheat when they are sex starved but sometimes they do it for other reasons. Good for you for keeping your family together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. So much of marriage is timing. I was at an age when I was ready to find "the one" when I met my DW, and we were very compatible (background, interests, life goals). I knew she was who I wanted to marry, and we had been together for years when I met someone else, but I had already invested years with my then girlfriend, and I couldn't just throw away what we had built and our future. Do I think about that other woman? Yes. Do I think we could have been happy together? Yes. I don't think there is just one love of your life, but there is the person who you choose to marry to build your best life. Will I feel differently in ten years? Maybe.

I recently read that the anthropologist Margaret Mead believed that women need three loves in their lives-- the first is a young love, the second, the person you have children with, the third ends up being your soulmate who you grow old with. I bet this applies to men as well.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to the original poster. If it were not for the kids, I’d leave my wife for tomorrow. My wife is an awesome mom
but she is now “mom” and our relationship diminished with kids. My AP is what I have wanted my whole life on so many levels. Our chemistry is off the charts. She refuses to let me even consider leaving my wife until the kids are out of the house and I respect her for it all the more.

Ha. Your AP is no prize. She lacks integrity, morality and self-respect. Your chemistry will be short-lived when you don’t have to sneak around and you actually have to share the mundane details of daily life. On the plus side, though, you will never have to worry about raising kids with her, because your kids will be protective of their mom, will despise and resent the AP and your relationship with your kids will tank. But keep chasing your ego kibbles with your AP, it sounds like you broken people deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22 years married. My husband and I have been getting dinner and a fancy hotel room Saturday evenings. We check in around 4pm and head back home to our 12&15 year old around 11pm. They are loving the unfettered time with pizza delivery and we have experience deeper levels of intimacy...and hot sex.

After years of being kid-focused we are back! It feels like coming home again...and we have daily sex now.

Sometimes it takes losing almost everything you love deeply for a person to change.

Love it!!

They requested today that we do that every Saturday. Game on!

My husband and I have decided to alternate planning each weekend. I have a great hotel/restaurant lined up for next week...and the lingerie to match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband hates his psychotic ex-AP and we have crazy good sex twice a day during COVID. She was looking for an exit affair. He was in the throes of a midlife crisis dealing with childhood trauma. We have always had a very passionate sex life. Both still hot 24 years later.

She was short and fatter and not young (50). Also, not smart, no career. Variety for sure. You have filet mignon, had to see what 7 Eleven chili dog is about...

You have got to stop obsessively slamming his AP in every post. Maybe you're right, but maybe you're not, so you just sound angry and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me.

I only have ever truly loved my husband romantically. I married for love.

I do not reminisce let alone even think about high school or college boyfriends before I met him when I was 26.

I’m 50 and he’s the only one. I can’t imagine loving anyone else.

Me too.

It’s sick how many people on this forum settled.

I met my spouse when we were in our mid 20s and it was like a lightning strike. He was talking marriage within a month. We were inseparable ...still hot for each other 25 years later.

It’s sad so many people stay in marriages without true passionate love.

Menu are you so smug about having found the right person? People don’t settle, they compromise. They marry someone they love and respect to achieve mutual life goals, instead of waiting for around for a fantasy that may never happen. If you’re lucky you marry the love of your life. But that’s not the situation for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I can relate to the original poster. If it were not for the kids, I’d leave my wife for tomorrow. My wife is an awesome mom
but she is now “mom” and our relationship diminished with kids. My AP is what I have wanted my whole life on so many levels. Our chemistry is off the charts. She refuses to let me even consider leaving my wife until the kids are out of the house and I respect her for it all the more.

Ha. Your AP is no prize. She lacks integrity, morality and self-respect. Your chemistry will be short-lived when you don’t have to sneak around and you actually have to share the mundane details of daily life. On the plus side, though, you will never have to worry about raising kids with her, because your kids will be protective of their mom, will despise and resent the AP and your relationship with your kids will tank. But keep chasing your ego kibbles with your AP, it sounds like you broken people deserve each other.

Whoa. Check your baggage at the gate lady.

Sorry your husband cheated on you but you need to let it go.

[Anonymous]

To answer OP question- of course this is possible- polygamy is alive and well and proof of this. Also if it wasn’t why would marriages need boundaries- like not getting to close with a coworker or spending to much time with someone you have a crush on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband hates his psychotic ex-AP and we have crazy good sex twice a day during COVID. She was looking for an exit affair. He was in the throes of a midlife crisis dealing with childhood trauma. We have always had a very passionate sex life. Both still hot 24 years later.

She was short and fatter and not young (50). Also, not smart, no career. Variety for sure. You have filet mignon, had to see what 7 Eleven chili dog is about...

Nah. He left McD for BK and decided they are the same, so he stayed. Had he ever had filet mignon, he’d never had a reason to compare the dollar menus. He would’ve tried prime rib. Just thought you should know the truth.

Not sure he would sign a 70-30 post-nup, beg, cry and plead ...and go to individual therapy 3 days per week and be f@cking McD 3 times per day ...that’s a lot of effort to keep McDs. Filet Mignon can get anyone ...doesn’t need to sell itself short and stay with a cheater.

Sometimes a MCDLT or a McRib is just what you need. But what happened to the hot apple pies? Where do they fit in? And BK has the vegetarian burger now. So that must factor in.
Don't argue with someone anonymous trying to make you feel bad. I believe you. Men often cheat when they are sex starved but sometimes they do it for other reasons. Good for you for keeping your family together

[Anonymous]

Everyone is different.

But, I only have loved one man in the past 25 years and can’t see myself loving anyone else. He’s everything for me.

I am definitely not the polygamous type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is different.

But, I only have loved one man in the past 25 years and can’t see myself loving anyone else. He’s everything for me.

I am definitely not the polygamous type.

Oh- and he’s the same person I’m married to!

[Anonymous]

Whoa. Check your baggage at the gate lady.

Sorry your husband cheated on you but you need to let it go.

No baggage here - married more than 25 years to a fantastic DH with a moral compass that would never allow him to cheat. Did you make presumptions and attack because the truth hurts? You will get what you deserve at some point. Too bad your DW cannot have what she deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is different.

But, I only have loved one man in the past 25 years and can’t see myself loving anyone else. He’s everything for me.

I am definitely not the polygamous type.

Was he the only man you've been with? I usually hear that from women who've also only been with one man. They have a special bond together. It was refreshing to read your post.