Wedding Judgement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what church you are talking about, but you can’t get married at city hall and then use a Catholic priest To re-marry you at a later event. Priests won’t go along with this even in a pandemic.

You actually can. It's called marriage convalidation. It's weird to plan it this way though. Usually it happens because the Catholics aren't really practicing the faith at the time they get married in city hall, but they later recommit to their faith and need to get married through the Church in order to receive all of the sacraments. Priests are very happy to help people get reconnected with their faith. I've also known couples who needed to get a fast civil marriage done in order to be at the beside of a dying partner in the hospital or to get a Green Card for a fiance to stay in the country (after a student visa expires, for example). As long as they get married by the Church as soon as they can and don't act as if the civil marriage is actually a marriage (i.e. remain chaste), I think that most priests would understand this.

Most priests don't GAF about chastity either. The church knows it can't afford to alienate younger generations so they let that slide. I know people who got married fast before deployment and then did a cathol ceremony after. I'm 100 certain their priests didn't expect them to not have sex before that ceremony

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP!

I think that given times of Covid a second traditional wedding in 2022 is fine.

Defer to what your faith says regarding your second wedding.

I'd come to wedding #2 understanding the difficult times of Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can’t go to the court house. In our religion you have to have a ceremony in the church. It will only be with us and 2 other people. Also the B and B is only 2 hours from people and the bride and groom are paying for the entire cost of the venue and rooms for the wedding party which was our choice. We plan to enjoy the day.

In our religion you can only have the ceremony in the church? So Christianity clearly. What religion is this exactly? Religion of insanity? So you will be married in the eyes of God, but you need a huge party a year after your were married before God?

[Anonymous]

Op- I think your plan is fine. But honestly, I wouldn’t tell anyone about the church wedding. I did something similar. My husband and I married in advance, and then planned a lovely wedding for later date. Our reasons for doing so were no one else’s business, and only my sister and parents knew we were already married. My big wedding was wonderful and felt like a real wedding day to me.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am judging you, so I think you are right. They were judging you, for the right reasons though.

[Anonymous]

Op here, lots of interesting opinions. The B and B is not 3 full days of programming, it’s a rehearsal dinner, parents, siblings and maid of honor/best man stay Friday night (if they wish), vow renewal, reception, same people stay the night In the sweets Saturday night (if they wish) and then check out Sunday morning. Normal wedding events with lodging already paid for. Fiancé and I know this is what we want, we are paying the whole tab. No hashtags or social photos here. It’s odd so many people are so negative, we know 10 other couples amongst family and friends doing the same thing bc of covid. Anyways. Interesting comments, we will do what works for us. Thanks everyone!

[Anonymous]

I think your plan is fine OP. everyone has opinions about weddings and there is no pleasing everyone - even without the pandemic nightmares.

Maybe just tell people less! You can do whatever you want, invite whomever you choose, have however many celebrations of any kind you wish, and they can come or not. But you don't have to broadcast plans for two years in the future - that just invites the PITA feedback!

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. Do whatever you want. The nub of the issue here REALLY is that most people don’t really love spending thousands of dollars traveling to other people’s weddings and don’t love hearing about weddings and thinking about weddings and hearing about the planning of weddings.
It’s a short period in your life when this all feels very important. And I say this as someone who thought my own wedding (and my friends’ weddings, during that period in my life) was VERY important. Now it all seems silly and wasteful. So do what you want, say less, maybe keep a tiny door in your mind open to changing your mind about the whole thing 2 years from now when you will have been married for 2 years. Your perspective might shift by then. Maybe you’d prefer to use the wedding money on a house or a fantastic trip to Tahiti. Who knows?! But definitely don’t take it personally. Nothing anyone says about your plans is about you. Honestly. It’s about the wedding industrial complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. Do whatever you want. The nub of the issue here REALLY is that most people don’t really love spending thousands of dollars traveling to other people’s weddings and don’t love hearing about weddings and thinking about weddings and hearing about the planning of weddings.
It’s a short period in your life when this all feels very important. And I say this as someone who thought my own wedding (and my friends’ weddings, during that period in my life) was VERY important. Now it all seems silly and wasteful. So do what you want, say less, maybe keep a tiny door in your mind open to changing your mind about the whole thing 2 years from now when you will have been married for 2 years. Your perspective might shift by then. Maybe you’d prefer to use the wedding money on a house or a fantastic trip to Tahiti. Who knows?! But definitely don’t take it personally. Nothing anyone says about your plans is about you. Honestly. It’s about the wedding industrial complex.

it's not wedding money. It's a party one year after their wedding. Either get married in 2022 with the original B&B plan if it's so important to you, or do something else sooner. But not both a wedding sooner then a fake redo one year later.

[Anonymous]

You want the big party. Fine! But, please don't make it a wedding. You will have been married a year and it seems ridiculous and vacuous.

I tend to agree with Dad and bro. Save the $$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, lots of interesting opinions. The B and B is not 3 full days of programming, it’s a rehearsal dinner, parents, siblings and maid of honor/best man stay Friday night (if they wish), vow renewal, reception, same people stay the night In the sweets Saturday night (if they wish) and then check out Sunday morning. Normal wedding events with lodging already paid for. Fiancé and I know this is what we want, we are paying the whole tab. No hashtags or social photos here. It’s odd so many people are so negative, we know 10 other couples amongst family and friends doing the same thing bc of covid. Anyways. Interesting comments, we will do what works for us. Thanks everyone!

You’re paying the whole tab including airfare and rental car for those who have to fly?

[Anonymous]

Congratulation OP!

Your plan is exactly what my sister is doing except not a religious ceremony. They went to the courthouse on their original date and because of covid pushed the outdoor ceremony and reception back a year. No one thinks anything negative about their decision. Older relatives were actually thankful to them for thinking about everyone’s safety. Honestly it doesn’t matter what you call the bigger celebration. All that matters is the time you get to spend with family and friends. Like an earlier poster pointed out, whoever wants to will join you all. Just enjoy who does come! Also, it is 2 years away so maybe keep it cool if you don’t want to invite opinions. That is what my sister is doing.