Wedding Judgement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that asking people to go to a B&B for three dats us asking a lot. Have a party one night. Not a year after you get married.

Yeah this is a horrible idea for a wedding (but one I have heard before). Seriously OP, imagine if a cousin or friend of your husband asked you to give up an entire weekend at a B&B in a location of their choosing? Brides and grooms always think this is a great idea since, of course, it’s their wedding. But for other people it’s a pain.

NP. I agree. In the wise words of Miranda from SATC, “You get a day.”

BFF tried to make her reaffirmation of vows the real wedding by keeping the civil wedding a secret - it came out and everyone was annoyed.

I went to a destination wedding in the Caribbean with this set up bc it was legally too much a hassle so they did the courthouse the day before the trip in the USA. We all found out. No one seemed to GAF because we were in paradise on beach partying. People who care THIS much about this shit are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that asking people to go to a B&B for three dats us asking a lot. Have a party one night. Not a year after you get married.

Yeah this is a horrible idea for a wedding (but one I have heard before). Seriously OP, imagine if a cousin or friend of your husband asked you to give up an entire weekend at a B&B in a location of their choosing? Brides and grooms always think this is a great idea since, of course, it’s their wedding. But for other people it’s a pain.

NP. I agree. In the wise words of Miranda from SATC, “You get a day.”

BFF tried to make her reaffirmation of vows the real wedding by keeping the civil wedding a secret - it came out and everyone was annoyed.

I went to a destination wedding in the Caribbean with this set up bc it was legally too much a hassle so they did the courthouse the day before the trip in the USA. We all found out. No one seemed to GAF because we were in paradise on beach partying. People who care THIS much about this shit are weird.

The day before is different than the year before. You've been married for a year, and you're dressing up in a fluffy white dress and having bridesmaids and saying vows? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.

Ohh boo, be quiet. You know what, OP? I’m a huge traditionalist and a stickler for semantics and I was likely quite a bit judgmental in my own head when my cousin hosted a huge family wedding 1 years ago, a year after she and her husband actually got legally married at a courthouse just before he was deployed overseas. They hosted a full-on wedding ceremony with a big white dress a year later and had a huge crowd. And you know what? It was LOVELY and big and over the top and my brother died a month later and it was the last time our whole big family had a celebration together. It was another 4 years before I had my own wedding and in the meantime my aunt and uncle both died (the bride’s grandparents.)

If she had been concerned about being a stickler, she would have given in to my judgmental mom and others who thought she was tacky. Instead, she gave us all an occasion to celebrate and gather and precious, irreplaceable pictures and memories. I am so grateful for that wedding. It was beautiful and it was generous of her to celebrate with the whole extended family.

How nice for you. As this was not during a flipping global pandemic, your anecdote has nothing to do with anything right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family member is doing a similar plan to yours. Postponed big celebration from September, 2020 to early 2022. Will have a court house wedding on original date with parents only. They would like to start a family right away. This is a destination wedding celebration for 2022. I must admit I don’t have same enthusiasm for flying to celebration as I did for original wedding. I know I do not have to attend and I may still attend, but the idea of spending a few thousand dollars for plane fare and hotel for a party seems anticlimactic. They will already will have been married for over a year and maybe even have a child. These are just my thoughts and I would never voice to anyone. Love the bride and groom.

We have a family member with a similar situation to this. They went ahead with a wedding with parents/siblings this spring and the reception is a flight away next month. I love the family member, but also have to admit that the big reception some months after the couple has already gotten married just doesn't generate the same enthusiasm for attending (particulary since the virus is going strong in their area).

Everyone is doing the best they can under the circumstances and no doubt this is incredibly frustrating for the couples try to have their weddings. In my family member's case though, they also seem somewhat clueless about the virus and an indoor celebration a month from now.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people don’t get a giant princess day because of a war, or famine, or depression, or pandemic. Or immigration, or finances, or deployment. Them’s the breaks. Life goes on. The marriage should be a lot more important than the wedding.

I wouldn’t and didn’t put off being married because I wanted a princess day, and I wouldn’t reenact a wedding a year later just so I could have one. In the scheme of things, it’s just not that important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people don’t get a giant princess day because of a war, or famine, or depression, or pandemic. Or immigration, or finances, or deployment. Them’s the breaks. Life goes on. The marriage should be a lot more important than the wedding.

I wouldn’t and didn’t put off being married because I wanted a princess day, and I wouldn’t reenact a wedding a year later just so I could have one. In the scheme of things, it’s just not that important.

+1. OP and her fiancé can clearly do what they want to do, but this big focus on a big party 18-months away seems to send a message that the marriage isn’t as important as the party. I know it’s hard when circumstances change and things that many had hoped of for a long time don’t work out the way we planned. If two people know they want to get married (which is the *big* deal), what’s the point in waiting 2 years?

[Anonymous]

Do you people not enjoy just having an excuse to enjoy spending time with friends and family?

This thread is bizarre. I have been to several weddings where the couple were legally married beforehand and never gave it a second thought. I especially wouldn't judge a couple for doing it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it comes to weddings, everyone always has unwanted opinions op. I would try not to sweat it. I had same experience this year as I moved my big celebration from this summer to next summer but still did a small ceremony this summer.

You can’t win — if they are helping pay, offer to give them their money back if you can afford it.

Wait until you have a baby and everyone in your family has an opinion on the name. Do you.

[Anonymous]

They asked a question, a simple question. You answer with, ‘No, we like our plan, we’re going to stick to that’.
Look we all have some level
of COVID anxiety, so maybe that’s why that is bothering you.
It’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people don’t get a giant princess day because of a war, or famine, or depression, or pandemic. Or immigration, or finances, or deployment. Them’s the breaks. Life goes on. The marriage should be a lot more important than the wedding.

I wouldn’t and didn’t put off being married because I wanted a princess day, and I wouldn’t reenact a wedding a year later just so I could have one. In the scheme of things, it’s just not that important.

I agree. I don't get putting off a wedding because you wanted a princess day. I don't hate weddings, but this is just not the time for them. Get married and enjoy each other. Or just have a small church wedding with your parents that people can watch over zoom. Why wait a year or two? I think this world is heading for financial trouble. I wouldn't bet that in a year or two people can afford to come to your wedding.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a cultural component missing from this discussion. For many people a big wedding isn't about being. "a princess". That's just weird

[Anonymous]

My wife and I , married 15 years, agreed that if all this had happened to us....we'd get married at the court house right away and plan some sort of reception for later on. Life gotta go on.
We got engaged in April and married that November.

[Anonymous]

People spend so much time focused on a wedding rather than a marriage. A wedding is a party to celebrate a marriage. Sounds like you have a decent plan

[Anonymous]

If you are really set on this big weekend thing, then you are going to have to deal with the fact that others may not "get" it. That's not the same as judging you.

If you are really this frayed about hearing people's opinions about your wedding event, then you should just get married any way you can, safely, and get on with life. That's a sign that you've had enough of wedding stuff, so be done with it already! If you can't have a sense of humor about people's opinions, then you need to move on from the event. Waiting two years is going to mean two more years of opinions on this topic.

Some of us who are already married happily don't get the big wedding stuff. It's not because we already had "the day we wanted." Big weddings have become other things in recent years- media events, family reunions, friend reunions, instagram photoshoots. If that's what you want to do, fine, but don't expect everyone to understand or appreciate all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are really set on this big weekend thing, then you are going to have to deal with the fact that others may not "get" it. That's not the same as judging you.

If you are really this frayed about hearing people's opinions about your wedding event, then you should just get married any way you can, safely, and get on with life. That's a sign that you've had enough of wedding stuff, so be done with it already! If you can't have a sense of humor about people's opinions, then you need to move on from the event. Waiting two years is going to mean two more years of opinions on this topic.

Some of us who are already married happily don't get the big wedding stuff. It's not because we already had "the day we wanted." Big weddings have become other things in recent years- media events, family reunions, friend reunions, instagram photoshoots. If that's what you want to do, fine, but don't expect everyone to understand or appreciate all of that.

Agree. There will always be people who don't "get" it no matter how you do it. Learn to grow thick skin and do what you must do.

Just know that whatever you do regards your wedding, it will become a mere blip in a few years. Married life, kids, and other life events will overshadow the wedding and you will be bewildered at all the fuss surrounding it when looking back.