Wedding Judgement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.

Or "reaffirmation of vows". Just don't pretend you haven't already been married. People don't like that.

[Anonymous]

I mean I guess the cat is already out of the bag for you, but I would have just gotten secret married and then done the whole big thing later on without other people knowing it was a "fake" wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that asking people to go to a B&B for three dats us asking a lot. Have a party one night. Not a year after you get married.

Yeah this is a horrible idea for a wedding (but one I have heard before). Seriously OP, imagine if a cousin or friend of your husband asked you to give up an entire weekend at a B&B in a location of their choosing? Brides and grooms always think this is a great idea since, of course, it’s their wedding. But for other people it’s a pain.

NP. I agree. In the wise words of Miranda from SATC, “You get a day.”

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you have a good plan for current circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that asking people to go to a B&B for three dats us asking a lot. Have a party one night. Not a year after you get married.

Yeah this is a horrible idea for a wedding (but one I have heard before). Seriously OP, imagine if a cousin or friend of your husband asked you to give up an entire weekend at a B&B in a location of their choosing? Brides and grooms always think this is a great idea since, of course, it’s their wedding. But for other people it’s a pain.

NP. I agree. In the wise words of Miranda from SATC, “You get a day.”

BFF tried to make her reaffirmation of vows the real wedding by keeping the civil wedding a secret - it came out and everyone was annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.

Ohh boo, be quiet. You know what, OP? I’m a huge traditionalist and a stickler for semantics and I was likely quite a bit judgmental in my own head when my cousin hosted a huge family wedding 1 years ago, a year after she and her husband actually got legally married at a courthouse just before he was deployed overseas. They hosted a full-on wedding ceremony with a big white dress a year later and had a huge crowd. And you know what? It was LOVELY and big and over the top and my brother died a month later and it was the last time our whole big family had a celebration together. It was another 4 years before I had my own wedding and in the meantime my aunt and uncle both died (the bride’s grandparents.)

If she had been concerned about being a stickler, she would have given in to my judgmental mom and others who thought she was tacky. Instead, she gave us all an occasion to celebrate and gather and precious, irreplaceable pictures and memories. I am so grateful for that wedding. It was beautiful and it was generous of her to celebrate with the whole extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.

Ohh boo, be quiet. You know what, OP? I’m a huge traditionalist and a stickler for semantics and I was likely quite a bit judgmental in my own head when my cousin hosted a huge family wedding 1 years ago, a year after she and her husband actually got legally married at a courthouse just before he was deployed overseas. They hosted a full-on wedding ceremony with a big white dress a year later and had a huge crowd. And you know what? It was LOVELY and big and over the top and my brother died a month later and it was the last time our whole big family had a celebration together. It was another 4 years before I had my own wedding and in the meantime my aunt and uncle both died (the bride’s grandparents.)

If she had been concerned about being a stickler, she would have given in to my judgmental mom and others who thought she was tacky. Instead, she gave us all an occasion to celebrate and gather and precious, irreplaceable pictures and memories. I am so grateful for that wedding. It was beautiful and it was generous of her to celebrate with the whole extended family.

*10 years ago, I meant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:October ‘21 will be your wedding. Whatever you do the following year is a party, not a wedding, because you will already be married.

Ohh boo, be quiet. You know what, OP? I’m a huge traditionalist and a stickler for semantics and I was likely quite a bit judgmental in my own head when my cousin hosted a huge family wedding 1 years ago, a year after she and her husband actually got legally married at a courthouse just before he was deployed overseas. They hosted a full-on wedding ceremony with a big white dress a year later and had a huge crowd. And you know what? It was LOVELY and big and over the top and my brother died a month later and it was the last time our whole big family had a celebration together. It was another 4 years before I had my own wedding and in the meantime my aunt and uncle both died (the bride’s grandparents.)

If she had been concerned about being a stickler, she would have given in to my judgmental mom and others who thought she was tacky. Instead, she gave us all an occasion to celebrate and gather and precious, irreplaceable pictures and memories. I am so grateful for that wedding. It was beautiful and it was generous of her to celebrate with the whole extended family.

This has absolutely nothing to do with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I decided to move our “big” wedding from October 2021 to October 2022. October 2021 we will do a small church ceremony with just our parents. Our reasoning is we want to completely bypass all the covid concerns when have our big celebration, we will do the “big ceremony and reception” in 2022. The big day is a “big deal” to us, we are renting a B and B for 3 days and the special times with family and friends who live scattered across the US is important to us. Tonight my brother and Dad were questioning us and asking if we thought we pushed the wedding back too far and why don’t we just do something small and save money. I’m so tired of hearing critiques about our decision, it makes me feel like we made a bad decision. But it’s our life and it’s the decision we want. I’m bummed people aren’t excited for us and just want to question our timing. Most of our wedding party thought it was a good decision. My best friend has rescheduled her wedding 3x in 2020/2021. We did not want that to be us? How do we hold on to our joy in this difficult time and with criticism?

How old are you OP? You sound very young and immature. No one is stealing your joy. No one is trying to take over your lives. Your brother and father pointed out some very practical points, which mature people would have answers to , and be able to answer confidently and pleasantly without whinging about people not being excited enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that asking people to go to a B&B for three dats us asking a lot. Have a party one night. Not a year after you get married.

Yeah this is a horrible idea for a wedding (but one I have heard before). Seriously OP, imagine if a cousin or friend of your husband asked you to give up an entire weekend at a B&B in a location of their choosing? Brides and grooms always think this is a great idea since, of course, it’s their wedding. But for other people it’s a pain.

NP. I agree. In the wise words of Miranda from SATC, “You get a day.”

Yup. I actually think the wedding extravaganza stuff is going to be worse post pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - just remember, most people judging you in this thread have already had their wedding day the way they wanted it. The people who are excited to celebrate with you will be there - no need to worry about the rest!

Nope. I’m judging because I got married at the last minute in a restaurant with 15 guests. Your wedding is when you get married. And that’s okay. The marriage is just as good without the big pageant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never said we were going to the court house. We’ve decided to just do the wedding ceremony and reception all on the same day in 2022. Case closed. Thank you for everyone’s ideas. Good luck to any other engaged couples!

This is you OP? The seems like a better idea.

[Anonymous]

Wait and see if you're even still together by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - just remember, most people judging you in this thread have already had their wedding day the way they wanted it. The people who are excited to celebrate with you will be there - no need to worry about the rest!

Your presumption is incorrect. You are equating "attendance" with "excitement". Not everyone attending OP's do-over wedding will be 'excited' and not all of those missing it will be 'un-excited'.

In reality, there's nothing exciting about a do-over ceremony. In fact, it's textbook, anti-climatic. Have a big celebration/reception if you like but having another ceremony is cringe inducing. Why even have the 1st wedding?

I agree that excitement =/= attendance. People may be excited but lack the money or vacation time to attend, or might have other family obligations that prevent them from attending. People who do attend may be resentful or secretly judging you.

Personally, I would not attend a fake second wedding ceremony. If you want to have a big party or getaway weekend somewhere fun, go for it! But I don't want to spend money to watch a couple who has been married for a year or more dress up like a bride and groom and pretend to get married again. Just skip that part and have the party or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to make your bridesmaids buy special clothes for the second ceremony?

Now that would tick me off if I was a bridesmaid.