Since this is anonymous, why did you REALLY redshirt your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For sports. That’s the truth. And it worked - he got a baseball scholarship to college.

Ditto, except even with redshirting my son was the smallest kid on his varsity teams freshman year (family history of delayed growth).

I’m judging. This is sad. If he couldn’t have gotten it if he went on time he took another kids spot.
Both DH and I were D1 athletes, DH on full football scholarship and summer birthdays and still wouldn’t do this.

DP. Sadly I know a lot of people who did this. Several kept kids even 2 years. For losing in an individual sport. It was not because they were small or shorter, one was over 6'2" in 8th grade. It was because they started to lose and their ranking went down. So you can scam rankings in tennis with two apps that do it. Kids can't compete in USTA or ITF tournaments unless in his/her age group, but for college purposes, they manage to scam even two years somehow. I know parents who put their kids on adhd meds to improve tennis performance.

My son’s friend (multiple time state champ) is repeating 8th grade next year (in cyber school regardless) and he openly admits that it’s for sports. The kid is big, tall, and strong. I am stunned. They are counting on a sports scholarship. This is a sport where there is rampant recruiting and IMG-type Boarding
schools, one of which he’ll attend after his second eighth grade. The sports school openly recruits and gives sports scholarships, and boards kids, despite competing against middle class public schools.

[Anonymous]

We did it because boys mature at a different rate than girls and we wanted our boys to be at a similar emotional maturity to the girls in their class. And there was no disadvantage. They got an extra year in half-day preschool and got to come home to play with their siblings. That was a game changer in terms of our kids relationships with each other. I am convinced that our kids have a much tighter relationship and are a better unit because they had that quality time together.

[Anonymous]

My sister’’s two closest friends from high school died in separate car accidents. For that reason, I very much wanted our son to be older for his grade so he is not with other kids driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister’’s two closest friends from high school died in separate car accidents. For that reason, I very much wanted our son to be older for his grade so he is not with other kids driving.

I am glad about this too. Now that my kid is in HS, I am glad he is the one driving, not others.

[Anonymous]

My twins were born 6 weeks early, we sent them to private kindergarten to test the waters, but they were immature and teachers recommended they be redshirted. Moved them to public kindergarten the following year.

[Anonymous]

My kid was born on August 5th. When he started kindergarten, we were in a state with an August 1st cutoff, so we didn’t have a choice and it wasn’t considered redshirting at that point bc it was after the cutoff. The summer between k and 1st, we moved to VA which is September 30th. I was a little nervous about him being one of the older ones in his grade, potentially almost 14 months ahead of the youngest kid, but now that he’s in high school, I’m so thankful it turned out this way. The schools have challenged him academically and socially he is right on point — something I couldn’t have predicted when he was 6. As a high school student, the opportunities for AP, advanced and honors courses are endless. Schools around here are so competitive with so many opportunities for kids to challenge themselves inside and outside of the classroom that I guess I just don’t understand some of these comments from the anti-redshirts.

[Anonymous]

We waited to send our early September child. If he were born in 1980, when kindergarten was about play and sharing and music and movement and curiosity and other soft skills, we probably would’ve sent him on time. But as an early childhood professional who has seen just how much the expectations for kindergarten have changed over the years, it was a no brainer to wait. He was not developmentally ready to do the academic work that is expected in modern-day kindergarten classrooms. Most kids aren’t, for that matter, but that’s a rant and a topic for a different thread.

[Anonymous]

My husband was always the youngest in his grade (December birthday in a state with a January 1st cutoff) and absolutely hated it and was very adamant that we wait a year to send our September birthday boy to K. Plus I wasn’t redshirted but I was always one of the older ones due to my November birthday (cutoff was October 1st where I grew up) and loved it, so it was just a no brainer.

Now he’s a freshman in high school and we’ve never spent a second regretting our decision! He’s never been much into sports, but he is pretty much right in the middle of the pack for everything else — academics, social skills, maturity, etc.

Anecdotally, I have talked to soooo many parents about this issue and rarely, if ever, come across folks who say they regret waiting, but DO come across plenty of folks who say they now realize their kid could’ve benefitted from another year.

[Anonymous]

This concept is so foreign to me. Never would I do this for a child who did not have serious developmental issues. An extra year in school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This concept is so foreign to me. Never would I do this for a child who did not have serious developmental issues. An extra year in school?

An extra year in school? What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

We should have redshirted our DD. She has a labor day birthday and is socially immature. But she was bullied in preschool by both the kids and the teachers, so we had to get her out of there. Kindergarten was better than he pre-K, but still bad. She'd been taught that if she asked the teachers for help with a social situation they would just punish her. Unfortunately, she had some speech delays and couldn't explain what was happening. It took me way too long to sort it out, so she she took everything into her own hands by hitting and pushing. In K, she ended up in the principal's office 5 times the first two weeks of school and on a behavior improvement plan. Not something anyone hopes for their newly 5 yo. Kindergarten was terribly stressful for her. The teacher gave her a sticker for every ten minute increment where she "behaved" and she was held to an incredibly high standard. She lost stickers for things like dropping her pencil and forgetting a teacher's name. She developed anxiety symptoms and stopped sleeping at night, wetting the bed and throwing terrible tantrums about school. She was a miserable and unhappy kid. First grade is when thing have started to improve. She likes her teacher and is doing okay. She still gets low marks for "teamwork" and can't do group projects without teacher support. She has a lot of anxiety about explaining herself because she has trouble getting her words out. And she still is largely distrustful of teachers who often don't realize that she can't tell them her side of the story. I really think she'd fit in perfectly with kids a grade lower. Socially she would fall entirely within the norms for that grade and that all of this anxiety stuff wouldn't have happened. Her anxiety immediately goes away with summer break and she becomes a sweet and happy kid. It seems to be 100% driven by school. I also worry a lot that she's going to be bullied by the mean girls in older grades. She's been the youngest in her class every year with at least a 2 month gap between her and the next youngest. And there are always several kids who are more than a year older. Of course, at the same time she's academically advanced and has been flagged for the gifted program. She's already been clustered with the other advanced learners and holds her own even in that group even though they are all fall birthdays and she's 10-14 months younger. She wouldn't have been challenged at all academically if we held her back. What do you do with a kid who isn't a fit for either grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should have redshirted our DD. She has a labor day birthday and is socially immature. But she was bullied in preschool by both the kids and the teachers, so we had to get her out of there. Kindergarten was better than he pre-K, but still bad. She'd been taught that if she asked the teachers for help with a social situation they would just punish her. Unfortunately, she had some speech delays and couldn't explain what was happening. It took me way too long to sort it out, so she she took everything into her own hands by hitting and pushing. In K, she ended up in the principal's office 5 times the first two weeks of school and on a behavior improvement plan. Not something anyone hopes for their newly 5 yo. Kindergarten was terribly stressful for her. The teacher gave her a sticker for every ten minute increment where she "behaved" and she was held to an incredibly high standard. She lost stickers for things like dropping her pencil and forgetting a teacher's name. She developed anxiety symptoms and stopped sleeping at night, wetting the bed and throwing terrible tantrums about school. She was a miserable and unhappy kid. First grade is when thing have started to improve. She likes her teacher and is doing okay. She still gets low marks for "teamwork" and can't do group projects without teacher support. She has a lot of anxiety about explaining herself because she has trouble getting her words out. And she still is largely distrustful of teachers who often don't realize that she can't tell them her side of the story. I really think she'd fit in perfectly with kids a grade lower. Socially she would fall entirely within the norms for that grade and that all of this anxiety stuff wouldn't have happened. Her anxiety immediately goes away with summer break and she becomes a sweet and happy kid. It seems to be 100% driven by school. I also worry a lot that she's going to be bullied by the mean girls in older grades. She's been the youngest in her class every year with at least a 2 month gap between her and the next youngest. And there are always several kids who are more than a year older. Of course, at the same time she's academically advanced and has been flagged for the gifted program. She's already been clustered with the other advanced learners and holds her own even in that group even though they are all fall birthdays and she's 10-14 months younger. She wouldn't have been challenged at all academically if we held her back. What do you do with a kid who isn't a fit for either grade?

This was me, except I had no speech delays and was too scared to have tantrums. Unfortunately, middle school was much worse. The mean girls in middle school are ruthless. Academically I was advanced. Socially and emotionally, it was a disaster. My parents had been pressured into starting me very young in K because I was an early reader. They STILL regret it. I am more over the bullying than they are! I am not going to lie, though, it was pretty bad. I did so, so much better in outside academic/social situations where I wasn't the youngest. My parents redshirted my younger sister who had a very similar profile to me, and she didn't experience anywhere near the level of bullying that I did.

If I were you, I would have her repeat a year at a private school. You could do that now, especially with the pandemic. Or, find a mixed-age private school that supports asynchronous learners, or one with individualized learning opportunities. I wouldn't assume it will get better in her current grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This concept is so foreign to me. Never would I do this for a child who did not have serious developmental issues. An extra year in school?

An extra year in school? What do you mean?

Repeating pre-K, k, “Junior Kindergarten” is an extra grade in school. It delays the time in which a student will reach college age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should have redshirted our DD. She has a labor day birthday and is socially immature. But she was bullied in preschool by both the kids and the teachers, so we had to get her out of there. Kindergarten was better than he pre-K, but still bad. She'd been taught that if she asked the teachers for help with a social situation they would just punish her. Unfortunately, she had some speech delays and couldn't explain what was happening. It took me way too long to sort it out, so she she took everything into her own hands by hitting and pushing. In K, she ended up in the principal's office 5 times the first two weeks of school and on a behavior improvement plan. Not something anyone hopes for their newly 5 yo. Kindergarten was terribly stressful for her. The teacher gave her a sticker for every ten minute increment where she "behaved" and she was held to an incredibly high standard. She lost stickers for things like dropping her pencil and forgetting a teacher's name. She developed anxiety symptoms and stopped sleeping at night, wetting the bed and throwing terrible tantrums about school. She was a miserable and unhappy kid. First grade is when thing have started to improve. She likes her teacher and is doing okay. She still gets low marks for "teamwork" and can't do group projects without teacher support. She has a lot of anxiety about explaining herself because she has trouble getting her words out. And she still is largely distrustful of teachers who often don't realize that she can't tell them her side of the story. I really think she'd fit in perfectly with kids a grade lower. Socially she would fall entirely within the norms for that grade and that all of this anxiety stuff wouldn't have happened. Her anxiety immediately goes away with summer break and she becomes a sweet and happy kid. It seems to be 100% driven by school. I also worry a lot that she's going to be bullied by the mean girls in older grades. She's been the youngest in her class every year with at least a 2 month gap between her and the next youngest. And there are always several kids who are more than a year older. Of course, at the same time she's academically advanced and has been flagged for the gifted program. She's already been clustered with the other advanced learners and holds her own even in that group even though they are all fall birthdays and she's 10-14 months younger. She wouldn't have been challenged at all academically if we held her back. What do you do with a kid who isn't a fit for either grade?

This was me, except I had no speech delays and was too scared to have tantrums. Unfortunately, middle school was much worse. The mean girls in middle school are ruthless. Academically I was advanced. Socially and emotionally, it was a disaster. My parents had been pressured into starting me very young in K because I was an early reader. They STILL regret it. I am more over the bullying than they are! I am not going to lie, though, it was pretty bad. I did so, so much better in outside academic/social situations where I wasn't the youngest. My parents redshirted my younger sister who had a very similar profile to me, and she didn't experience anywhere near the level of bullying that I did.

If I were you, I would have her repeat a year at a private school. You could do that now, especially with the pandemic. Or, find a mixed-age private school that supports asynchronous learners, or one with individualized learning opportunities. I wouldn't assume it will get better in her current grade.

Me too. November birthday, I started K at 4 years old. Intellectually I was fine, but socially and emotionally I was a wreck, which culminated in clinical depression in middle school.

I can’t prove that being young for my grade caused it, but it sure as hell didn’t help. You bet your booty I redshirted my late summer kit. Absolutely zero regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thinking is, if it's possible to give them an edge (socially, academically, physically) why wouldn't you??

I do everything I can to give my kids a leg up on the competition.

I want my kids to learn they need to work harder sometimes. They aren’t always going to have an unfair advantage. Plus they are UMC white boys. They already were born more than halfway up the ladder. If they can’t figure things out and be successful adults, shame on me as a parent.

I can't decide whether this is satire or not. The idea that your coddled white UMC boys are going to learn to handle adversity by being the youngest in your wealthy school district is ... something.

You want to teach them real adversity? Move, and for God's sake do not ever talk like this in public again. It's painfully embarrassing.

Move? Why do they can be at the top of a less competitive district because they are UMC kids with more advantages? People do that strategically too, to get into competitive state schools that accept x percent of kids at the top of their school ranking.

No. So they can see what real adversity is rather than pretend adversity. They sure aren't learning any insights from you, that much is obvious.

Our kids have been volunteering with at-risk + disadvantaged people since they were 2 and a half. And not a one time gig, a weekly thing. I also work in that sector, give substantial $ and volunteer hundreds of hours a year. You’re ignorant if you think moving in the best option for everyone. And you’re ignorant if you don’t think UMC kids have a huge advantage anywhere they go. It’s really not teaching then adversity when it isn’t their personal struggle. I just said they would have to “work harder” than if I helped them back which is true. It’s still should not be a hardship for them by any means to go on time.

You'd better hope your kids learn their social skills elsewhere. Pro tip: disadvantaged people aren't zoo animals you take toddlers to watch. Jesus.

You’re clueless and talking in circles. You also have major reading comprehension fail. I never said my kids would be facing any adversity, at all. I said my kids would face adversity. I said they had it easy because they were born UMC, male and white, and if they couldn’t figure out how to be successful without me giving them even further advantages like holding them back, shame on me.

What kind of a parent talks about their own children this way? Most of the people that I know who red shirted their kids weren't doing so to get some sort of unfair advantage for their kid, they did it for maturity reasons. Maybe their kid was slow to potty train, or shy or small for their age and they thought another year to mature before starting K would be helpful.

There’s a whole forum of them called GBCN! And yes, they do talk about themselves and their own kids this way all the time. It’s really something!

They sound like a group of sanctimonious, self righteous aholes to me. I guess I'm not the type to mince words, I call 'em like I see 'em, lol.