Do you have to super attractive to find a good man in your 40’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the challenge in your question is the definition of a "good" man. Until you define "good", you wont be able to answer that question.

Since you're talking later in life, this perspective may be helpful. As a man in his 20's, I tried to be the nice guy who would date women that needed to lose a few pounds, had other hang-ups, etc. I found that they treated me just a poorly as the hot ones I dated. So, I stopped dating them. I figured that if I was going to risk being treated poorly, I'd at least look for a greater gain. I met DW, who is both hot and a good partner.

As a result, if I'm ever single again, I'm not remarrying. Ever. Some women will be turned off by that, which is okay. I'll simply follow that lesson I learned in my 20's ...

True.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the challenge in your question is the definition of a "good" man. Until you define "good", you wont be able to answer that question.

Since you're talking later in life, this perspective may be helpful. As a man in his 20's, I tried to be the nice guy who would date women that needed to lose a few pounds, had other hang-ups, etc. I found that they treated me just a poorly as the hot ones I dated. So, I stopped dating them. I figured that if I was going to risk being treated poorly, I'd at least look for a greater gain. I met DW, who is both hot and a good partner.

As a result, if I'm ever single again, I'm not remarrying. Ever. Some women will be turned off by that, which is okay. I'll simply follow that lesson I learned in my 20's ...

That’s what I thought in my 20s/30s but I remarried anyway -twice. And by the way, most women in this country, especially past 40, need to ‘lose a few pounds’ (and won’t). It’s just a question of how many so you better be cool with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

I disagree based on experience. I choose not to date 20year olds because they don’t appeal to me- not a child
Molester. I prefer to sleep with men. The reason you don’t see women dating poor guys 20 years their senior is because we don’t want to. I think marriages or relationships between equals are not as rare as you’d think.

I’d wonder if most agree with you that divorced fathers raising kids on their own don’t mind supporting a new dependent (they’re already paying alimony and CS) I would. My kids come first. He’s going to be able to pull his own weight to consider someone actual relationship weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to let go of needing a man. They are a headache!

Better than being a pain in the ass like most women I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to let go of needing a man. They are a headache!

Better than being a pain in the ass like most women I suppose.

I think it's the men who need to be in a relationship more than vice versa. My mom dated after my dad passed away but just didn't want to end up having to cook/clean etc. for someone else again and so never remarried. She's financially independent, socially active, and still dresses up/puts on make up/looks fashionable but didn't need to be married/partnered to just be in a relationship again. Men need a relationship and so will put up with what you would call "pain in the ass women". BTW, if you think women are pain the ass, you should remain alone. You'll be happier that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the challenge in your question is the definition of a "good" man. Until you define "good", you wont be able to answer that question.

Since you're talking later in life, this perspective may be helpful. As a man in his 20's, I tried to be the nice guy who would date women that needed to lose a few pounds, had other hang-ups, etc. I found that they treated me just a poorly as the hot ones I dated. So, I stopped dating them. I figured that if I was going to risk being treated poorly, I'd at least look for a greater gain. I met DW, who is both hot and a good partner.

As a result, if I'm ever single again, I'm not remarrying. Ever. Some women will be turned off by that, which is okay. I'll simply follow that lesson I learned in my 20's ...

That’s what I thought in my 20s/30s but I remarried anyway -twice. And by the way, most women in this country, especially past 40, need to ‘lose a few pounds’ (and won’t). It’s just a question of how many so you better be cool with it.

That's my point. I've learned that I don't have to be cool with it, especially when I'm not treated any better by those women. I can simply opt out, which I will do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced dad in my 40's who has aged well and gets complimented by on women frequently. (Typing that makes me cringe, but laying the groundwork that I can pretty much have my pick) My ex wife is beautiful and spends tons of time and money on her physical appearance, but she is also very reserved sexually and narcissistic. My girlfriend never wears makeup. She has crows feet, age lines and whatnot from being a single mom who works her ass off. BY FAR my girlfriend is more beautiful to me! It even drove the ex nuts "Well, I'm prettier than her..." she huffed one day. My girlfriend loves her kids with passion. She cares for elderly people. She is down for anything and spontaneous. She has embraced the aging process and carries herself well. She is an enthusiastic fox in the bedroom and confident. I don't know which of the two would win in a beauty contest with the public, but my girlfriend takes the pageant by far given all categories. My girlfriend also appreciates the things I do whereas my ex felt entitled to everything in life.

So don't be discouraged. Now don't get me wrong. My girlfriend is in pretty good shape, but she just isn't a superficial person. Random advice...get a Jeep. Not a fancy expensive thing. Just a basic Jeep. Join an off-road club and you will run into some good dudes who aren't all about the superficial stuff. If you don't, you'll still have fun and meet lots of friends.

OP here. Thank you for this! That is encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m wondering if there’s any hope for a regular skinny fat chick, no Botox, not great at doing makeup or fashion.

Being "skinny fat" is something that can be fixed. Makeup and fashion are things that can be learned.

You sound lazy. Has it occurred to you that it probably contributed to the demise of your marriage if you're "skinny fat", don't dress well, and don't bother with makeup?

"Can I get a good man if I don't do any work to improve myself?" Maybe. But you won't deserve it. And very likely your next relationship will also fail if you remain indifferent to your physique and appearance.

On the other hand, if you get in shape, dress well, and learn how to do makeup well, you are more likely to get a better man and keep him.

Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how flexible you are in terms of who you find attractive and "good". If you're willing to get online and you aren't too hung up on finding that unicorn guy (tall, dark, handsome, makes lots of money) you might do just fine.

You'll probably have to kiss some frogs first though. Most of us have had to put up with some pretty bad dates.

I have a lot of 40+ friends and looks do make it easier to get attention from men, but don't seem to be the dividing factor in actually finding/keeping one. Some of my least physically attractive friends (or the plainer ones) seem to be in the happiest relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

Could you image if a man had this attitude. I wonder if the poster would marry a man who was significantly out earned her?

[Anonymous]

what is your definition of "a good man?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

I disagree based on experience. I choose not to date 20year olds because they don’t appeal to me- not a child
Molester. I prefer to sleep with men. The reason you don’t see women dating poor guys 20 years their senior is because we don’t want to. I think marriages or relationships between equals are not as rare as you’d think.

I’d wonder if most agree with you that divorced fathers raising kids on their own don’t mind supporting a new dependent (they’re already paying alimony and CS) I would. My kids come first. He’s going to be able to pull his own weight to consider someone actual relationship weight.

It may feel like you are making a choice, but it’s biology. Women generally are wired to heavily weigh a man’s status and ability to provide. That’s why you aren’t interested in young men. That’s why you want your equal.

Men are different. They are wired to seek fertility and a nurturing personality. Most men don’t expect to marry their socioeconomic “equal.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

Could you image if a man had this attitude. I wonder if the poster would marry a man who was significantly out earned her?

Of course she would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high earning woman and find it hard to meet equally high earning men. I don’t want their money- but I don’t want to pay for them to afford my lifestyle either.


I’ve found dating to be a lot of fun, but I don’t plan to truly couple up till my youngest is out of the house- so ive got about 6 years left. 44 and single with no Financial worries and free time when they’re w their dad is pretty sweet. No interest in risking that for some man.

That’s fine.

Just keep in mind that most men don’t mind financially supporting a woman. Men who you regard as your “equal” are rare and in a position to be choosy. And men care way less about a woman’s earning potential. That’s why you see much older men (with money/good jobs) with younger women and rarely the other way around.

I disagree based on experience. I choose not to date 20year olds because they don’t appeal to me- not a child
Molester. I prefer to sleep with men. The reason you don’t see women dating poor guys 20 years their senior is because we don’t want to. I think marriages or relationships between equals are not as rare as you’d think.

I’d wonder if most agree with you that divorced fathers raising kids on their own don’t mind supporting a new dependent (they’re already paying alimony and CS) I would. My kids come first. He’s going to be able to pull his own weight to consider someone actual relationship weight.

It may feel like you are making a choice, but it’s biology. Women generally are wired to heavily weigh a man’s status and ability to provide. That’s why you aren’t interested in young men. That’s why you want your equal.

Men are different. They are wired to seek fertility and a nurturing personality. Most men don’t expect to marry their socioeconomic “equal.”

No one has a good idea on how much of this behavior is driven by biology vs. conditioning. Let's not state things as fact when they are assumptions. Women over the next several generations will behave differently than those in the past as more women work and study and earn a wage to live independently. Many men here already say that they would never marry someone who is a SAHM divorced woman because of financial/other reasons. Money is a factor for many men as well. Your opinions on these matters are not scientific fact.