St Albans for black students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

OK. I'm going to say what most of us are thinking.

This is true of literally every private school in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

Agreed. If you think it is a good fit, and he gets in, go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

OK. I'm going to say what most of us are thinking.

This is true of literally every private school in the DMV.

Really? I definitely don't see this kind of love/support at our (often discussed on this board) school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

OK. I'm going to say what most of us are thinking.

This is true of literally every private school in the DMV.

Really? I definitely don't see this kind of love/support at our (often discussed on this board) school

Well, I've had kids in multiple privates in the area through the years, and I would say that it is the case in virtually every circumstance. Maybe all of their classes were outliers and were especially tight, but that seems hard to believe.

One of the things you pay for at a private school is to be a part of a tight-knit, supportive community, where the kids respect each other. I'm sure there are problem places where this doesn't happen like it should, but this is nothing unique to STA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

OK. I'm going to say what most of us are thinking.

This is true of literally every private school in the DMV.

Really? I definitely don't see this kind of love/support at our (often discussed on this board) school

Well, I've had kids in multiple privates in the area through the years, and I would say that it is the case in virtually every circumstance. Maybe all of their classes were outliers and were especially tight, but that seems hard to believe.

One of the things you pay for at a private school is to be a part of a tight-knit, supportive community, where the kids respect each other. I'm sure there are problem places where this doesn't happen like it should, but this is nothing unique to STA.

+100. I also have a son at another all boys high school and these characteristics hold true there as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:STA parent here. What makes it special:

Adolescents like to have a sense of achievement, of accomplishment and in order to build that they need to be challenged by people ( teachers/ coaches and , yes, each other ) who believe in them and who hold out ideals for them to live up to.

These boys build a lot of respect for each other over their 9 years there. I have never been to another commencement where nearly everyone graduation hugs every other one of their classmates like I have seen on that stage in the Cathedral.

If you have the opportunity to send your son there, I'd go for it. It won't be easy, but it will be beyond worth it.

OK. I'm going to say what most of us are thinking.

This is true of literally every private school in the DMV.

Really? I definitely don't see this kind of love/support at our (often discussed on this board) school

Well, I've had kids in multiple privates in the area through the years, and I would say that it is the case in virtually every circumstance. Maybe all of their classes were outliers and were especially tight, but that seems hard to believe.

One of the things you pay for at a private school is to be a part of a tight-knit, supportive community, where the kids respect each other. I'm sure there are problem places where this doesn't happen like it should, but this is nothing unique to STA.

Well, as the PP above, I'll say this:

I would sincerely hope every teen graduating from HS feels that much of a sense of combined universal respect of their classmates despite usual dividers ( theatre/ athlete/ math genius vs needs a tutor) BUT when I posted on another thread about how Graduation at Saint Albans should not be cancelled... that it was sacred..

MOST of the following responders ( other parents from other schools) went out of their way to LOL and post " get real" and " my teen could care less about his/her HS Grad ceremony"

I thought that was SAD, but 10:1 that was the response on this forum.

So, which is IT ? STA, I think means a lot to those young men, their accomplishments, their memories of working through their ups and downs, the support of their teachers and the ideals held up to them and their friendships last a lifetime and, yes, I would say to the OP, if you are trying to find out " what is it about the school that makes is worth it ?"

THAT is IT

[Anonymous]

I’m a proud Landon parent. Our boys are in the MS and US and I’ve noticed a big improvement the past two years with the new Director of Diversity, Mr. Canty. We’re staying at Landon because of his sensitivity to culture and the programs he developed. There are still changes to be made but I’ve seen a significant positive impact from his work. Landon is definitely on the right track (finally) and in a few years my guess is they will be a model for other schools in the diversity, inclusion, and equity arena. Like another person said, it’s not just about race, it’s about culture, religion, economics, and sexual identity. I see a positive change at this school so kudos for the good hire on their part.

[Anonymous]

My son black and is at STA. A lifer from Beauvoir. Until the last 2 years I would have answered this question very differently. We loved both schools. We have other kids at Beauvoir and NCS now. I would have encouraged another parent of a black boy to send their son there with few reservations. I would have said it is not for the faint of heart wrt academics but they do that part very well. I would, however, have cautioned them to make every effort to plug into the parent community and not set themselves apart as “black parents”. This really does affect the boys social connections with their peers because there are so few black parents and in order to really enjoy the full benefit of the “brotherhood” which is real and strong, they have to make that effort to plug in. Many many social interactions, even in the older grades, still have a lot of parental involvement-arranging trips, staying at each others vacations homes, carpooling to events, etc -many. It’s just the way it is in my son’s year. Parents who set themselves apart impact their sons. I don’t believe that any white parent I know would not be welcoming to a black family but they have to put themselves out there.
However, a terrifying racist incident directed at my son occurred which still leaves me stunned not only by its nature but by the way the administration handled it. On the face of it it appeared that it was handled well but being privy to the machinations on the inside left me feeling nothing less than shocked disgust for the administration. The hesitation in dealing with what would have been an arrestable offense had we gone to the police still leaves me so angry. They only care to appear to be doing the right thing and will only act if there is a risk to their reputation. Otherwise their inclination is to play down very serious/potentially dangerous incidents of racism if they can get away with it. I still cannot believe what happened to my son in this regard. I’m not American so I struggle with really grasping the whole concept of the American attitude to race and how deep it runs and how devastating the effects can be.
This situation left me hating a school I once loved and having little respect for the administration who, because in our case they had to “do the right thing” have hounded my son in a way I find difficult to grasp. In the last 2 years he cannot do right for doing wrong. He said to me -Mom, I must have a “slappable”face. I don’t even understand why teachers with whom I got along so well not find fault in everything I do. He cannot do anything right. From being the “blue eyed boy” teachers called exemplary/exception/engaging/gifted he has become targeted in every possible way. Barely a month goes by without us receiving an email, being called in about one complaint or another and it usually ends up being a non event and we are very involved parents who do not not believe our snowflake can do no wrong but the things they raise are preposterous-like they have to find things to complain about. I wish I could give examples but I don’t want to out him. It has changed him irrevocably.
If I didn’t think it would hurt my son in some way or my other kids at the cathedral schools, I would go to the papers with this story ( I have screen shots of things anyone would struggle to believe would happen at a school like that- it’s that horrible, though the way it was presented to the school you never know.
I also struggle with the fact that, if this became public the other boy (the one who targeted my son) would suffer in a way, as a mother, I would not want to inflict on him for a “mistake” he made when he was a mid teen. But then I wonder if he’s doing the same thing to other kids. I’m very conflicted.
I have since heard of other horrible experiences from foreign families and I am shocked. None of us have talk about it in the open but it’s like we now belong to a secret club where we whisper about these things.
On the plus side my son is a cup half full boy. He has made amazing friends and they are the reason he wanted to stay after the period of racial abuse (physical and verbal, including threats on his life) he received. The boy who committed them had only been at the school for a year and my son has friends he’s know since he was 4.
Whenever I get upset and want to go to the papers he says -mom, I’d like to see my brothers again at alumni events in the years to come. I don’t want to burn that bridge.
The jury is still out on what we’re going to do: I may well wait until he leaves, finds that there is life and there are friends outside of STA, pull my other kids out of the other cathedral schools and report this. No other child should have to experience what he did. I think I’m madder at the school for how they handled it. I believe in giving kids a chance.

[Anonymous]

Pp, I’m not sure what happened to your son, but in thinking of him and your family. —fellow cathedral parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son black and is at STA. A lifer from Beauvoir. Until the last 2 years I would have answered this question very differently. We loved both schools. We have other kids at Beauvoir and NCS now. I would have encouraged another parent of a black boy to send their son there with few reservations. I would have said it is not for the faint of heart wrt academics but they do that part very well. I would, however, have cautioned them to make every effort to plug into the parent community and not set themselves apart as “black parents”. This really does affect the boys social connections with their peers because there are so few black parents and in order to really enjoy the full benefit of the “brotherhood” which is real and strong, they have to make that effort to plug in. Many many social interactions, even in the older grades, still have a lot of parental involvement-arranging trips, staying at each others vacations homes, carpooling to events, etc -many. It’s just the way it is in my son’s year. Parents who set themselves apart impact their sons. I don’t believe that any white parent I know would not be welcoming to a black family but they have to put themselves out there.
However, a terrifying racist incident directed at my son occurred which still leaves me stunned not only by its nature but by the way the administration handled it. On the face of it it appeared that it was handled well but being privy to the machinations on the inside left me feeling nothing less than shocked disgust for the administration. The hesitation in dealing with what would have been an arrestable offense had we gone to the police still leaves me so angry. They only care to appear to be doing the right thing and will only act if there is a risk to their reputation. Otherwise their inclination is to play down very serious/potentially dangerous incidents of racism if they can get away with it. I still cannot believe what happened to my son in this regard. I’m not American so I struggle with really grasping the whole concept of the American attitude to race and how deep it runs and how devastating the effects can be.
This situation left me hating a school I once loved and having little respect for the administration who, because in our case they had to “do the right thing” have hounded my son in a way I find difficult to grasp. In the last 2 years he cannot do right for doing wrong. He said to me -Mom, I must have a “slappable”face. I don’t even understand why teachers with whom I got along so well not find fault in everything I do. He cannot do anything right. From being the “blue eyed boy” teachers called exemplary/exception/engaging/gifted he has become targeted in every possible way. Barely a month goes by without us receiving an email, being called in about one complaint or another and it usually ends up being a non event and we are very involved parents who do not not believe our snowflake can do no wrong but the things they raise are preposterous-like they have to find things to complain about. I wish I could give examples but I don’t want to out him. It has changed him irrevocably.
If I didn’t think it would hurt my son in some way or my other kids at the cathedral schools, I would go to the papers with this story ( I have screen shots of things anyone would struggle to believe would happen at a school like that- it’s that horrible, though the way it was presented to the school you never know.
I also struggle with the fact that, if this became public the other boy (the one who targeted my son) would suffer in a way, as a mother, I would not want to inflict on him for a “mistake” he made when he was a mid teen. But then I wonder if he’s doing the same thing to other kids. I’m very conflicted.
I have since heard of other horrible experiences from foreign families and I am shocked. None of us have talk about it in the open but it’s like we now belong to a secret club where we whisper about these things.
On the plus side my son is a cup half full boy. He has made amazing friends and they are the reason he wanted to stay after the period of racial abuse (physical and verbal, including threats on his life) he received. The boy who committed them had only been at the school for a year and my son has friends he’s know since he was 4.
Whenever I get upset and want to go to the papers he says -mom, I’d like to see my brothers again at alumni events in the years to come. I don’t want to burn that bridge.
The jury is still out on what we’re going to do: I may well wait until he leaves, finds that there is life and there are friends outside of STA, pull my other kids out of the other cathedral schools and report this. No other child should have to experience what he did. I think I’m madder at the school for how they handled it. I believe in giving kids a chance.

Take this opportunity to educate your son about White Supremacy. This is the system that rules the world. Teach him to understand, counteract, and move around through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son black and is at STA. A lifer from Beauvoir. Until the last 2 years I would have answered this question very differently. We loved both schools. We have other kids at Beauvoir and NCS now. I would have encouraged another parent of a black boy to send their son there with few reservations. I would have said it is not for the faint of heart wrt academics but they do that part very well. I would, however, have cautioned them to make every effort to plug into the parent community and not set themselves apart as “black parents”. This really does affect the boys social connections with their peers because there are so few black parents and in order to really enjoy the full benefit of the “brotherhood” which is real and strong, they have to make that effort to plug in. Many many social interactions, even in the older grades, still have a lot of parental involvement-arranging trips, staying at each others vacations homes, carpooling to events, etc -many. It’s just the way it is in my son’s year. Parents who set themselves apart impact their sons. I don’t believe that any white parent I know would not be welcoming to a black family but they have to put themselves out there.
However, a terrifying racist incident directed at my son occurred which still leaves me stunned not only by its nature but by the way the administration handled it. On the face of it it appeared that it was handled well but being privy to the machinations on the inside left me feeling nothing less than shocked disgust for the administration. The hesitation in dealing with what would have been an arrestable offense had we gone to the police still leaves me so angry. They only care to appear to be doing the right thing and will only act if there is a risk to their reputation. Otherwise their inclination is to play down very serious/potentially dangerous incidents of racism if they can get away with it. I still cannot believe what happened to my son in this regard. I’m not American so I struggle with really grasping the whole concept of the American attitude to race and how deep it runs and how devastating the effects can be.
This situation left me hating a school I once loved and having little respect for the administration who, because in our case they had to “do the right thing” have hounded my son in a way I find difficult to grasp. In the last 2 years he cannot do right for doing wrong. He said to me -Mom, I must have a “slappable”face. I don’t even understand why teachers with whom I got along so well not find fault in everything I do. He cannot do anything right. From being the “blue eyed boy” teachers called exemplary/exception/engaging/gifted he has become targeted in every possible way. Barely a month goes by without us receiving an email, being called in about one complaint or another and it usually ends up being a non event and we are very involved parents who do not not believe our snowflake can do no wrong but the things they raise are preposterous-like they have to find things to complain about. I wish I could give examples but I don’t want to out him. It has changed him irrevocably.
If I didn’t think it would hurt my son in some way or my other kids at the cathedral schools, I would go to the papers with this story ( I have screen shots of things anyone would struggle to believe would happen at a school like that- it’s that horrible, though the way it was presented to the school you never know.
I also struggle with the fact that, if this became public the other boy (the one who targeted my son) would suffer in a way, as a mother, I would not want to inflict on him for a “mistake” he made when he was a mid teen. But then I wonder if he’s doing the same thing to other kids. I’m very conflicted.
I have since heard of other horrible experiences from foreign families and I am shocked. None of us have talk about it in the open but it’s like we now belong to a secret club where we whisper about these things.
On the plus side my son is a cup half full boy. He has made amazing friends and they are the reason he wanted to stay after the period of racial abuse (physical and verbal, including threats on his life) he received. The boy who committed them had only been at the school for a year and my son has friends he’s know since he was 4.
Whenever I get upset and want to go to the papers he says -mom, I’d like to see my brothers again at alumni events in the years to come. I don’t want to burn that bridge.
The jury is still out on what we’re going to do: I may well wait until he leaves, finds that there is life and there are friends outside of STA, pull my other kids out of the other cathedral schools and report this. No other child should have to experience what he did. I think I’m madder at the school for how they handled it. I believe in giving kids a chance.

I don’t know exactly what happened and perhaps you are being vague due to your conflict about speaking out or for fear of retaliation but in my experience if you don’t speak up and let people know what you will and will not accept, you are perpetuating the problem. You don’t have to be a black American to demand respect. If your son was treated less than respectfully, stand up and let that be known. And if the response by the administration is not adequate, again, demand action that is commensurate with the offense. All of this has to be balanced against being a helicopter parent that results in the creation a delicate flower or a person that has an unreasonable victimization complex, which is what I assume you are grappling with. Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t note your use of loaded terms like “blue eyed boy” as a would-be complimentary reference for a black child. No. I don’t want people complimenting me as a “fair haired child,” “blue eyed boy” or anything other racist stereotype that tells my child it’s better to be perceived as white. That is classic American racism that you may want to familiarize yourself with.

We have to be strong. Promote ourselves and demand the respect that we have earned. And that goes for every person regardless of race but in Washington, DC in 2020 as black people, it’s especially true. And I still plan to send my son to STA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son black and is at STA. A lifer from Beauvoir. Until the last 2 years I would have answered this question very differently. We loved both schools. We have other kids at Beauvoir and NCS now. I would have encouraged another parent of a black boy to send their son there with few reservations. I would have said it is not for the faint of heart wrt academics but they do that part very well. I would, however, have cautioned them to make every effort to plug into the parent community and not set themselves apart as “black parents”. This really does affect the boys social connections with their peers because there are so few black parents and in order to really enjoy the full benefit of the “brotherhood” which is real and strong, they have to make that effort to plug in. Many many social interactions, even in the older grades, still have a lot of parental involvement-arranging trips, staying at each others vacations homes, carpooling to events, etc -many. It’s just the way it is in my son’s year. Parents who set themselves apart impact their sons. I don’t believe that any white parent I know would not be welcoming to a black family but they have to put themselves out there.
However, a terrifying racist incident directed at my son occurred which still leaves me stunned not only by its nature but by the way the administration handled it. On the face of it it appeared that it was handled well but being privy to the machinations on the inside left me feeling nothing less than shocked disgust for the administration. The hesitation in dealing with what would have been an arrestable offense had we gone to the police still leaves me so angry. They only care to appear to be doing the right thing and will only act if there is a risk to their reputation. Otherwise their inclination is to play down very serious/potentially dangerous incidents of racism if they can get away with it. I still cannot believe what happened to my son in this regard. I’m not American so I struggle with really grasping the whole concept of the American attitude to race and how deep it runs and how devastating the effects can be.
This situation left me hating a school I once loved and having little respect for the administration who, because in our case they had to “do the right thing” have hounded my son in a way I find difficult to grasp. In the last 2 years he cannot do right for doing wrong. He said to me -Mom, I must have a “slappable”face. I don’t even understand why teachers with whom I got along so well not find fault in everything I do. He cannot do anything right. From being the “blue eyed boy” teachers called exemplary/exception/engaging/gifted he has become targeted in every possible way. Barely a month goes by without us receiving an email, being called in about one complaint or another and it usually ends up being a non event and we are very involved parents who do not not believe our snowflake can do no wrong but the things they raise are preposterous-like they have to find things to complain about. I wish I could give examples but I don’t want to out him. It has changed him irrevocably.
If I didn’t think it would hurt my son in some way or my other kids at the cathedral schools, I would go to the papers with this story ( I have screen shots of things anyone would struggle to believe would happen at a school like that- it’s that horrible, though the way it was presented to the school you never know.
I also struggle with the fact that, if this became public the other boy (the one who targeted my son) would suffer in a way, as a mother, I would not want to inflict on him for a “mistake” he made when he was a mid teen. But then I wonder if he’s doing the same thing to other kids. I’m very conflicted.
I have since heard of other horrible experiences from foreign families and I am shocked. None of us have talk about it in the open but it’s like we now belong to a secret club where we whisper about these things.
On the plus side my son is a cup half full boy. He has made amazing friends and they are the reason he wanted to stay after the period of racial abuse (physical and verbal, including threats on his life) he received. The boy who committed them had only been at the school for a year and my son has friends he’s know since he was 4.
Whenever I get upset and want to go to the papers he says -mom, I’d like to see my brothers again at alumni events in the years to come. I don’t want to burn that bridge.
The jury is still out on what we’re going to do: I may well wait until he leaves, finds that there is life and there are friends outside of STA, pull my other kids out of the other cathedral schools and report this. No other child should have to experience what he did. I think I’m madder at the school for how they handled it. I believe in giving kids a chance.

Take this opportunity to educate your son about White Supremacy. This is the system that rules the world. Teach him to understand, counteract, and move around through it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am saddened by the experiences the PP and her son have had to endure. I am also a little put off by the last poster's response, especially the one suggesting the mother is a "helicopter" parent and her child is a "delicate flower" that could develop a "victimization complex". Is that how we respond to victims? Sorry your daughter was raped, but maybe you shouldn't be a helicopter mom and your child shouldn't be such a delicate flower so they don't get a victimization complex. Really?!? To make things worse, the pp suggest the poster stand up for her son and take action against the school, but then ends by stating she still plans to send her son to STA. Wow, she couldn't have given the pp a bigger middle finger.

I feel badly that this student had to endure any kind of racism and abuse in the first place and then to add insult to injury they also had to deal with the administration and their inadequate handling of the situation (furthering the racism). I also understand the conflict of the child not wanting to leave the only school system and friends he has know his whole life. That can be incredibility difficult for a child. You love it and you hate it all at once. Kind of like an abusive parent that the child still loves and does not want to leave. Very sad and I am sorry for your family's pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am saddened by the experiences the PP and her son have had to endure. I am also a little put off by the last poster's response, especially the one suggesting the mother is a "helicopter" parent and her child is a "delicate flower" that could develop a "victimization complex". Is that how we respond to victims? Sorry your daughter was raped, but maybe you shouldn't be a helicopter mom and your child shouldn't be such a delicate flower so they don't get a victimization complex. Really?!? To make things worse, the pp suggest the poster stand up for her son and take action against the school, but then ends by stating she still plans to send her son to STA. Wow, she couldn't have given the pp a bigger middle finger.

I feel badly that this student had to endure any kind of racism and abuse in the first place and then to add insult to injury they also had to deal with the administration and their inadequate handling of the situation (furthering the racism). I also understand the conflict of the child not wanting to leave the only school system and friends he has know his whole life. That can be incredibility difficult for a child. You love it and you hate it all at once. Kind of like an abusive parent that the child still loves and does not want to leave. Very sad and I am sorry for your family's pain.

I didn’t interpret the response to pp as negatively as you did. I think these are very difficult issues, and the responder seemed to be grappling with things right along with pp, in his/her own way.

I hope the administration is listening. Pp says it was one boy who did this—and a new boy, at that. not a lifer who had made such a big commitment to the school. Obviously we don’t know all the details, but from what is written here, it is so troubling that pp didn’t feel valued by a school system he/she had committed to for so many years and with multiple children. Didn’t feel supported in the face of physical and verbal abuse by some random, seemingly racist newcomer. It’s a privilege to join these schools and these communities, and it makes me angry if the administration didn’t clamp down on a new kid who came in and acted in what sounds like a horrific manner. Lots of non-racist boys want that spot.

[Anonymous]

Even if the kid was a lifer like the victim, it should still not be tolerated.